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Doctor's Advice:Can't Make My Wife Orgasm Options
pawilsonjm
Posted: Saturday, March 1, 2014 12:12:07 PM

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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Could I test the sheets to know if she's cheating?

Published: Sunday | February 23, 2014 1 Comment

Q I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and I thought she was totally faithful. However, last week when I came back from a business trip, I was real shocked to find that there was a large stain on the sheet, just underneath where she lies. Doc, I am pretty sure this was a seminal stain. How could I get the sheet tested in order to prove my suspicions? Could a local doctor do this for me?

A No, a doctor could not do this for you. If you were really determined to get this test done (which I would not recommend), then the only person who could help you would be a forensic expert.

However, please be reasonable about this mysterious stain. It could be due to anything. From what you say about its position in the bed, the likely explanation is that your wife has had some slight vaginal secretion or discharge while you were away.

I feel that the only sensible thing to do is to talk this matter over with your wife, preferably with the guidance of a marriage counsellor. Please try hard not to get excited or mad.

Q Doctor, I have a real difficulty with my husband. Sadly, we have very different sexual drives. You see, I want sex far more often than he does and I just don't know what I can do about this. We got married just over three years ago. We were in love, and it looked as though everything would be great. Up until the wedding, we had not had much time to have sex, but each time we did it, things seemed to be fine. However, after we had been married a few months, I realised that I had grown to like sex more and more. By the time we got home from work in the evenings, I was often desperate for love-making. I would rip off my clothes and drag him off to bed.

But gradually, I realised that he was not as keen as me. He did try to keep up with me for a while, but by the time of our third wedding anniversary, it was clear that we had had really different ideas about sex. A few weeks ago, I sat down with him and said, "We must talk this over." He was willing to do that. I must say, Doctor, that he is a real nice guy and he is always willing to discuss any problems with me.

Well, what our discussion showed was this: Ideally, he would like to have sex around once a fortnight. But I would like it maybe three or four times for the week. So what do you think we can do, Doc? Am I oversexed? Can we keep our marriage going? By the way, we have chosen not to have any children - at least for the moment.


A Well, I am relieved to hear that. The fact that you have no children does at least make the problem a little easier to deal with.

Unfortunately, there are quite a few marriages like yours, in which there is a vast disparity between the levels of sexual desire in the two partners. In the majority of cases which I have seen, the husband is more highly sexed than the wife. But, sometimes, it is the other way round, as it is in your situation. You are not oversexed.

When it is the guy who is much more sexually charged, then very often, the couple can manage to reach an amicable solution because of the fact that they can have sex pretty frequently, even though the wife is not feeling particularly turned on.

However, when it is the wife who wants frequent sex while her husband doesn't, that can be very difficult. A guy who is not feeling aroused will usually find it difficult to get an erection and satisfy his spouse. And that is the situation in which you two find yourself.

So what can be done? Well, when a wife has far higher libido than her husband, there are three things that commonly happen:

1. The wife takes a lover (or lovers). I really would not recommend this, though it is understandable that a frustrated woman may find herself a boyfriend (or more than one). This course of action is highly likely to lead to a break-up of the marriage.

2. The wife decides to go in for self-stimulation. Since history began, unsatisfied wives have taken things into their own hands to relieve their frustration. These days, life is rather easier for women who are in a frustrating marriage because of the advent of vibrators. To give you an idea of how commonly they are used, a recent survey in America claimed that 53 per cent of wives have used them.

3. The couple reach some compromise. I would recommend this solution, if you and your husband can possibly manage it.

Is compromise really possible in this case? Well, the situation is that your husband only wants sex every 14 days, while you want it around every two days. Could the pair of you possibly agree on something like once every six days?

In between times, maybe your man would consent to give you a little love play so that you do not become frustrated. Indeed, it might be not a bad idea if you introduced him to the idea of using a vibrator on you. This would give you release without wearing him out. I do hope you can fix this problem and save your marriage. However, your story is certainly a warning to couples who are considering getting wed. In general, it is not a good idea to marry someone whose sex drive is very different from one's own.

Q I am female, age 33. I have a new boyfriend. Could I start using that vaginal ring contraceptive?

A Yes, you could. The contraceptive ring contains two hormones. Together, they stop you getting pregnant. All you have to do is to put the ring into your vagina and keep it there for three weeks. Then you take it out for a week. After that week's break, you put in a new one. The one vital thing to remember is that chemically, the vaginal ring is very like the Pill. So you must not use it if you have any risk factors for thrombosis, which is clotting. Your doctor can advise you further on that.

Q I am about to get married to a beautiful woman of 29, which is also my age. Doc, should I tell her that I had gonorrhoea when I was 17? It was fully treated.

A This is a tricky one. What I think is essential is that you should go to a doctor or clinic and have tests to make absolutely sure that every trace of gonorrhoea ('the clap') has gone from your body. My own feeling is that it would be wiser to tell your fiancée about your past medical history.
pawilsonjm
Posted: Tuesday, March 4, 2014 1:54:54 PM

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Dear Doc: A painful love life ...

Published: Sunday | March 2, 2014 3 Comments

A painful love life ...

Q: A pleasant day to you, Doctor. I am a 31-year-old wife from Havendale and my problem is that I have suddenly started getting pain whenever I have sex with my husband. It is deep inside me and made worse by his thrusting.

There is another fact which I must tell you about in strict confidence, so please do not print my name! I have an occasional and secret boyfriend, and although I also get the pain with him, it is not so bad.

Doctor, what do you think this could be? I have never had any problems in that area of my body, so I do not know what could be the matter. (PS: I have one child, age six. It was a normal delivery with no problems.)


A: I can reassure you that I never print anyone's name! Also, I have changed your personal details very slightly so that you will not be recognised by your friends.

Now, pain during intercourse can be because of many factors. But it must never be ignored, because sometimes it can have serious causes. In some women, the pain occurs for psychological reasons, because the mind makes the vaginal area go into a sort of 'muscle contract'. I do not think that is the likely cause in your case. However, it is possible that there might be a slight element of tension, in view of the fact that you get more pain when you are with your husband and less pain when you are with your boyfriend. Maybe you relax a little more with him.

But I feel it would be safest to assume that there is something physical, rather than psychological, going on here. Now, the common physical reasons for deep pain during intercourse include:

Tender cysts in the ovary - which can be hit by the tip of the penis;

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) - a long-lasting condition caused from infection earlier in life;

Cervicitis - which is inflammation of the cervix;

Interstitial cystitis - an inflammation of the bladder;

Fibroids - round swellings in the wall of the womb;

Endometriosis - a common condition in which little bits of womb lining occur in the wrong place, and it can be really tender.

If I had to guess, I would say that the likeliest diagnosis in a woman of just over 30 is endometriosis.

But what I am absolutely certain of is that you urgently need an internal examination and some tests. If you have a doctor, you should begin by seeing her. But it may well be that you end up consulting a 'gyno'.

Be of good cheer, because I am sure that this pain can be remedied.

Q: Hello, Doc. I am a guy who is married to a younger woman. From I reached 50, I have noticed where I sometimes cannot discharge inside her. The reason for this is that, after around 20 minutes, I tend to lose my erection. Would Viagra help me?

A: Well, it is quite common for men aged over 50 to find that they cannot really 'last' long enough to reach an orgasm. In cases like that, one of the Viagra group of medications can be really helpful. So I suggest you ask your doctor if he would prescribe some for you. Good luck.

Q:Greetings. I am a divorcee, age 33, living near MoBay. I recently met a most interesting American guy. We got on really well and sex with him was pretty good. Now he has suggested that, the next time he comes to Jamaica, we should get married.

Doctor, I am inclined to agree, but one thing is puzzling me. When we were in bed one night, he mentioned that he was into something called 'polyamory'. I did not know what that meant, but I did not want to seem ignorant, so I just said 'Oh, yes'.

He has his own website, and that also mentions that he is involved in 'polyamory'. However, the site does not say what that is. Could you enlighten me? Would it affect my plans to marry him?


A: Well, I think that what I am about to say may possibly come as a bit of a shock to you. 'Polyamory' is a practice that has developed in the USA, and particularly California, during recent years.

The basic idea is that a couple should have as many 'outside' relationships as they wish, but with each other's knowledge and consent. Among some people who practise polyamory, there is an acceptance of the idea that these other relationships could be with either men or women.

In other words, if you married this guy, you would possibly find that he wanted to have sexual intimacy with not only other women, but also with other men. And he would possibly encourage you to go to bed with other males - and with other females.

I am not here to criticise other people's lifestyles, but I think you will appreciate that polyamory is not everybody's 'cup of tea'.

Q:Some years ago when I was working in England, I got myself a vasectomy. Then I came home to Jamaica and married a lady who I love deeply. Naturally, she knows about my vasectomy and, therefore, about the fact that I am sterile. She does not want to have children.

Well Doc, the other day I was looking for something in the bathroom cupboard and I found that she had contraceptive pills in there. From the date on the packet, it was obvious that she has been on the Pill for some months. Her name was on the label.

This has really shocked me. I presume it means that she is cheating on me. What do you think?


A: This was a most alarming discovery for you. I must tell you that there is just a chance that your wife is taking the Pill as a 'cycle regulator'. That is the term which is employed when a lady uses the oral contraceptive in order to make her menses more regular and also to render them lighter and pain-free.

But you have to face the sad possibility that your wife is having sex with some other guy. I think that all you can do is find a quiet time together so that you can have a long, uninterrupted talk. Tell her that you have found the pills and see what she says. Please try not to get mad. Coolness of mind is important.

Q:Doctor, I am thinking of going on the 'contraceptive skin patch' you mentioned. But, is it reliable?

A: Yes, it's very reliable - provided that you remember to put the patches on your skin! It is called 'Evra', and it contains two female-type hormones, just like the Pill. You stick a patch on an area of non-hairy skin, like on your arm, belly or buttocks - but not on the breasts.

You change the patch for a fresh one each week. And at the end of three weeks, you have a week's break, during which you'll have the menses. Write to me if you want further information.
pawilsonjm
Posted: Saturday, March 8, 2014 7:55:17 AM

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Doctor's Advice:Is my mother talking sense?

Published: Saturday | March 8, 2014 0 Comments

Please give me your medical advice as to whether my mother is talking sense, Doc. I know that when she was a young girl she had a real bad time with her menses. It seems like she had a lot of pain and bled a great deal. Well, she has always told me that 'a girl has to put up with that sort of thing'. I have had truly terrible periods since I was 16. My mother says that I must have 'inherited that tendency from her', and she assures me that nothing can be done about it except 'take aspirin and be brave'. But is this true? Is there nothing that can be done for me?

A: Well, though I sympathise with your mother, who obviously had a very bad time when she was young, the fact is that life is different now.

These days, teenage girls and adult women do not usually have to suffer during their menses. In most cases, a doctor can help alleviate or even abolish the pain. And it's possible to give medication that reduces the flow to manageable levels. The medication will also keep the periods regular.

Using medication to make the menstrual flow light and regular is also good for a woman's general health and because it helps prevent them becoming anaemic (weak-blooded).

So what I urge you to do now is to go and see a sympathetic doctor. You should take with you the dates of your last few periods, as well as how many days they lasted. That sort of information is invaluable to a doctor.

The doctor will check your eyes to see if you are already becoming anaemic and examine your belly - though it may not be necessary to do an internal examination.

Finally, the doctor will give you medication. I can say with confidence that there is a very high chance that this will bring your periods under control.

I wish you well!


Is there medication for stopping unintended erections?

Is there a tablet which you or any other doctor could give me to stop me having erections? I find them most embarrassing. I am a male teenager, and for the last couple of years, I seem to get these erections at all times of the day and night. When I am talking to somebody, it can be quite difficult as I have to hide it somehow. I would say that at the moment, I get around four or maybe five erections during the course of the day. Some of them are caused when I see a pretty girl, but others just seem to happen. I don't know what to do about this, and I would like to get some medication.


A: Sorry to hear that this has been embarrassing for you, but what you don't realise is that most young guys do get unintended erections. Research done in the United States showed that four times a day was about average.

Sometimes the erection is sparked by seeing a beautiful female or by thoughts of sex, but often, it is caused by friction of clothing against the head of the penis or even by vibrations caused from travelling in a bus or car. And sometimes it seems to happen for no reason at all.

So you are not abnormal. And I regret to inform you that there is no medication that a doctor can give you to stop you having erections. Theoretically, it would be possible to prescribe female hormones for you, but no doctor would do that - especially as they have rather unfortunate side effects in males like making you grow breasts.

If it is any consolation to you, you will find that as you get a little older, you will not have so many erections.


The contraceptive injection has stopped my periods. Should I be worried?

I am a 20-year-old female. Just before Christmas, I was given that contraceptive injection, which they call 'the shot'. Now, I find that I am not having any periods! Is this serious? Or could I be pregnant? I had quite a lot of sex in January.

A: Relax! It is most unlikely that you are pregnant. One of the common side effects of 'the jab' is the absence of menses. So you have nothing to fret about.

Your periods should return eventually, but this may not happen until you have stopped using the shot.


Does the final thrust make women orgasm?

I do not understand women and their orgasms. My friends say that it is the final thrust of intercourse that makes a girl climax because the tip of the male organ hits the cervix. Is that true, Doc?

A: No, it isn't. Like many young men, you and your friends have not realised that intercourse by itself isn't very likely to bring a woman to orgasm.

Generally, what is required is some sort of stimulation (such as repeated pressure) on the lady's clitoris. As a rule, deep thrusting does not make a female 'discharge'.

One of the reasons so many women have trouble in climaxing is the fact that lots of guys think that deep thrusting ought to be enough to make them orgasm.


Oral sex is disgusting!

I am engaged to a guy who is three years older than I am. I am 21. I love him. There is only one thing about him that I cannot stand: his interest in oral sex. He often wants me to do this for him, but I would much rather have 'real' sex (that is, intercourse), which I enjoy a lot with him. I cannot tell you how disgusted I am at the idea of having his penis in my mouth, Doctor, and when he discharges, it is so revolting that I can scarcely bear to think about it. I shudder at the thought of all that mess. What can I do? Am I obliged to put up with an activity that I hate?


A: No, you certainly aren't. Oral sex is increasingly popular these days, and statistics from the United States, England, and France suggest that most young couples do it sometimes.

However, it is most definitely NOT everyone's cup of tea. Quite a few young women can't stand it, particularly if the male partner goes all the way to orgasm. No woman should feel that she has to do it.

It is obvious to me that you and your fiancé must sort this problem out - before you get married - otherwise, I can see you ending up divorced in a few years' time.

My recommendation: Both of you should immediately see a counsellor who can give you some helpful sessions where you can talk about this problem and see if you can reach a compromise. But if you can't reach an agreement, please think very carefully about whether you two should marry.


'Last longer' tablets

I'm male, 19. Should I buy the 'last longer' tablets that I have been offered in a bar?


A: No! They might be anything. If you are not 'lasting' long enough, consult a doctor.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
Posted: Sunday, March 16, 2014 12:03:32 PM

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Dear Doc: Did my cheating husband infect me
?
Published: Sunday | March 16, 2014 0 Comments

Q Doctor, should I forgive my husband for his infidelities? And in your medical opinion, is there any chance that he has brought some kind of VD into our previously happy home?

We were very happily married until a few years ago, when we started to have little fusses. Mostly, they were about silly things. But once, he got very angry when he caught me having a quick kiss with another man at a dance. It meant nothing to me, but he seemed to take it very seriously.

Soon after that, I began to find evidence that he was fooling around with other women. For instance, after he had been out in the evening, there were stains on his trousers.

And last week, I overheard him laughing on the phone as he told a pal of his that he had been with a 'friend' in Back Road. So what must I do, Doc? I have continued to have sex with him, but now I am fearful that he may have given me some venereal germ.


A Sorry to hear about all this. It seems clear that things started to go wrong a few years ago when the two of you started having fusses about minor things and when he caught you kissing another man. Maybe it was that event that made him think it was OK for him to fool around with other women.

From what you say, he has probably been 'playing the field' recently. And his remark about 'seeing a friend in Back Road' does suggest that he may possibly have been with a prostitute - though that is far from certain. Summing all that up, there has to be a chance that he has picked up a sexually transmitted infection (STI). And if so, he would have given it to you.

Therefore, my advice to you is to get a check-up from your doctor. After that, you should urge your husband to go to marital counselling with you. Some intensive work is going to be needed if this marriage is to be saved.

Q I am a 27-year-old man, and I have been engaged to a beautiful girl for three months. We have sex regularly, and with her it is the best I have ever enjoyed. But last week, I found that I had a curious little bump on my organ. I consulted my doctor yesterday and he diagnosed it as a genital wart. He is giving me treatment.

Well, I looked up genital warts on the Internet, I found that they are caused from having sex with somebody who has a virus. I was a bit shocked by that, Doc! Does it mean that my lovely fiancée, who I adore so much, has been unfaithful to me?


A Genital warts are indeed caused from a virus which is transmitted by sexual contact. But what you have not realised is that there is a very long 'incubation period' before the wart appears. What this means is that you could have caught the virus many months back, or even years ago, from some other girl.

Admittedly, you could just possibly have caught it from your fiancée. But I think that is most unlikely, since you have only been going with her for about three months. That isn't really long enough for the wart virus to have come from her. What is concerning me is this, you have probably now given the virus to your poor girlfriend. So she should have a check-up from an experienced doctor, to see if she is developing any genital warts.

However, please rest assured that your 'lady love' is totally blameless in all this. I am sure she has not cheated on you.

Q Doctor, I get very muddled about my pack of contraceptive pills. My problem is that I often forget one. Does this matter?

A Yes, it does. If you forget pills, then you may end up pregnant. This is particularly likely if you omit to take a pill towards the end of a packet. First of all, I think you should follow the example of many women and decide to take each tablet at a fixed time of day. For instance, you could take it:

When you have your breakfast, or

When you take a mid-morning break, or

When you sit down to your evening meal, or

When you clean your teeth before you go to bed.

Also, it is possible to set reminders on smartphones so that they beep when you are due to take your pill.

If you do forget to take a tablet, then the really important thing is to not to stop taking the pill. As soon as you remember, you should take the missed tablet. If you don't remember until the following morning, that would mean that you end up taking two pills for the day, but that's OK. Further details about what to do if you miss a pill can be found on the leaflet which is inside your pack of tablets.

Q My fiancé cheated on me last night with another woman. He claims that it was 'not his fault', because he says that some friend had slipped a Viagra pill into his drink at a party.

He states that the Viagra had the effect of making him so horny that he had to have sex. So he claims that he could not help doing it with some girl he met at the party. Unfortunately for him, a friend of mine saw the two of them coming out of a bedroom - and told me.

Should I believe his excuse, Doc?


A No. It is absolute nonsense. There is no way that Viagra could make a man feel so uncontrollably horny that he had to have intercourse with whichever woman happened to be around. All that Viagra does is to help a man get a good erection. It does not have any effect on the mind, nor does it turn the man into some kind of uncontrollable sex machine.

So your fiance's excuse is a very lame one. Do you think that you should continue being engaged to this duplicitous man?

Q Recently, I have felt that something has been kind of 'blocking' the way when I have sex with my husband. I went to my doctor, and she said I have a 'prolapse'. But what is that?

A That is very common. A prolapse is a sort of sagging of the womb and vaginal walls. It happens mainly because of childbirth. Giving birth tends to weaken the supports of the womb. Many years later, this may lead to everything 'collapsing'. Sometimes, it is possible to correct it with pelvic exercises. Also, it's possible for a 'gyno' to place a firm 'strut' into the vagina to hold the womb up. But it sounds like you may have to take an operation. If so, I assure you all will be well.
pawilsonjm
Posted: Sunday, March 23, 2014 7:59:25 AM

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Doctor's Advice: Did I exchange my virginity for chlamydia?

Published: Saturday | March 22, 2014 2 Comments

Q I am a young lady of 17, and last week, I gave up my virginity to a boy from Harbour View. We only did it once, and I don't plan to do it again because it wasn't really all that great.

But what is making me fret is this. I have read a lot about that chlamydia 'bug' and how it can affect teenagers. I understand that it is a very serious sexual infection and that a girl may not know she has it.

So what I am asking you is this: Although I have no symptoms, is there any chance I could have picked up chlamydia from my sexual encounter with this boy?

If I have it, I know I must get it treated.


A You are correct in everything you say about chlamydia. This aggressive little germ has become rampant among young people in many countries. It is spread through sexual intercourse. Unfortunately, it can damage the sex organs, and the 'late' symptoms include pain and infertility.

However, in the early stages, most people don't know they have got it. In girls, it may produce no symptoms for many years. But all the time, the chlamydia is busy inside the body, damaging the sex organs.

Now, have you caught chlamydia from your 'one-off' encounter with that young man from Harbour View? That is certainly a possibility. But there are many factors that could affect the risk.

For instance, if he was, like you, a virgin till that night, then there is virtually no chance that he could have given you chlamydia.

Also, if he hasn't slept around very much, then the odds must be against him being a carrier of chlamydia. You see, the more partners a person has had, the more likely it is that the individual may have that germ.

Another question is this: Did you two use a condom? If so, then that greatly reduces the chances of catching this nasty little bug.

Summing up, you have had sex only once. The odds are that this experience has not given you chlamydia, but if you want to be absolutely sure, then you could go to a doctor or clinic and ask for a urine test to rule out chlamydial infection.

I wish you well!

Q Doc, my girlfriend thinks I have a third testicle because she can feel something next to my right one. Could this lump be cancer?

A Not very likely, but you really must have the lump checked out by a doctor. If necessary, he will arrange an ultrasound scan to determine exactly what is going on in your scrotum.

Q I am female, age 21, and my boyfriend is convinced that I ought to somehow squirt a jet of fluid whenever I orgasm. He says he has seen girls do this in pornographic movies.

But I have never done anything like that in my life! Am I abnormal, doctor?


A No, you are not abnormal. Like many young men, your boyfriend has been badly misled by the foolish things which go on in 'blue' movies.

What often happens in these productions is that the director gets the actress to pass urine at the moment when she is supposed to be orgasming. That makes it look as though she is having a 'female ejaculation'.

But in the real world, female ejaculation is pretty uncommon. The great majority of women do not do it when they climax. Admittedly, quite a few say that in the past, they have done it on rare occasions.

So you are perfectly normal. Pay your boyfriend no mind.

Q Doctor, I am a guy of 18 and a half, and I suppose I am pretty lucky because I have two beautiful girlfriends. They do not know about each other.

Sometimes, I get the chance to have sex with both of them in a single day. Am I right in saying that if I have a good shower in between seeing the two girls there is no danger of contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?


A I think you are playing a rather dangerous game in running two girlfriends at once. I foresee trouble.

As for your idea that a shower will somehow protect against STIs, that is just foolishness!. A lot of guys around the world have this notion that somehow a shower will wash away all germs and keep a person safe from infection. But that is not true at all.

Has it occurred to you that one or both of these young ladies may be having sex with other guys? If so, you could wind up catching something.

My advice to you is to settle for just one girlfriend. And when you go with her, always use a condom.

Q I am 19, and three weeks ago, I started taking the Pill. Now, I have aching and tender breasts.

So I am frightened, Doc. Is this cancer?


A No, it isn't. A high proportion of young women get aching and tenderness in the bosom when they start taking the Pill. These symptoms are of no significance, and they will usually go away after you have been on the Pill for two-three months.

If they don't, then all you have to do is to ask your doctor to switch you to another brand of Pill.

Q My girlfriend says she is going to go on the mini-Pill. Would this be safe for me, Doc? Could it affect me sexually?

A If a woman takes the mini-Pill, the hormone in it will not be transferred to her partner.

So there is no way that this tablet could harm you or affect your sex life. Quit fretting!

Q Is it true that cigarettes can make a guy 'lose his nature'?

A Yes, though it usually takes quite a few years. The nicotine in cigarettes can 'close down' the tubes that supply blood to the penis. That makes it more difficult for the guy to get an erection.

Q I am pregnant - by choice. I am very glad about it, and so is my fiancé.

But Doc, is it OK for us to continue to have sex now that I am an expectant mother?


A Yes. These days, medical opinion is that it is all right for a woman who is pregnant to go on having sex, but preferably a little more gently.

I hope you have a midwife looking after you. She will give you further advice about sex.

Q I am a 20-year-old female, and I am very disturbed by the fact that I seem to have no sexual feelings for men, doctor.

On the contrary, I have passionate physical feelings for beautiful women, and I dream about going to bed with them.

Please be frank with me. Do you think I am a lesbian?


A It seems highly probable to me. You don't appear to have any 'straight' feelings at all - only lesbian ones.

My advice: try and find a sympathetic female counsellor who can help you decide how you are going to plan your life.

Good luck!

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
Posted: Saturday, March 29, 2014 10:01:38 AM

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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Pregnant and cheating

Published: Sunday | March 23, 2014 0 Comments

Q: Doc, I cannot believe that I have been so stupid. I am three months' pregnant, and my husband has been away in America for a week. I have been feeling very 'horny' and I did the craziest thing and had sex with an old friend from my schooldays. Could I have hurt the baby?

A: Fortunately, that is unlikely, but the big danger is the risk of infection. So you should go to a doctor or clinic and have tests for sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Good luck.

Q: Doctor, I recently got married, at the age of 29. I am proud to say that I maintained my virginity until then. My husband is slightly older than I and I thought that he was sexually experienced, but now I am not so sure. Our wedding night was not a great success. You see, he orgasmed before he even entered my body. Fortunately, he did manage it later in the night, so that was the end of my virginity. I cannot say I enjoyed it a lot.

Since then, we have tried to have sex, maybe two to three times for the week, but I am still not getting much pleasure from it. Every time, he seems to be unable to stop himself from climaxing. Often, he will orgasm within 10 seconds after entering me. My big aim in life is to have children, and I suppose he will be able to give me those. But I thought that sexual intercourse was supposed to be very satisfying and fulfilling, and at the moment, it isn't.

A: Poor you. As you probably realise, your new husband has a bad case of the condition called 'premature ejaculation', often known as PE.

This is not his fault (or yours). But he really must do something about it. If he doesn't, your marriage may not survive. The first thing he should do is talk to you about the problem. Please try to encourage him verbally and assure him that you will try to help him. Then, he should see a doctor or therapist who is experienced in dealing with PE. In fact, it would be best if you went along, too.

Possible ways of helping PE include the following:

The Masters-Johnson 'retraining' method, featuring their famous anti-orgasm grip; you will find this described on the Internet.
Dapoxetine - a fairly new drug which is taken before sex and which delays ejaculation;
Antidepressant pills such as clomipramine - many doctors are willing to prescribe these now, and they are quite cheap;
Condoms containing a local anaesthetic - these 'deaden' the sensation in the penis, but they are not very satisfactory.

I wish you both well.

Q: I am a man who has been having trouble urinating. My doctor says that my prostate gland is slightly enlarged. Will this affect my sex life, Doc?

A: Probably not. As a rule, mild enlargement of the prostate will only affect the urinary system, not the man's sexual activity. Please continue to be advised by your doctor.

Q: I have to do a hysterectomy operation next month. I have always had a great sex life. Does this mean the end of it?

A: No. In a hysterectomy, the surgeon removes the womb and not the vagina. And he certainly does not go anywhere near the clitoris. Most women who have a hysterectomy report that, once the stitches have healed, they are able to enjoy a very good sex life. They generally say that orgasms feel 'different', but they can still have them.

One other point: if the gynaecologist has to remove your ovaries as well as your womb, then it is possible that you will get some vaginal dryness after. That can make intercourse difficult or even painful. But it is quite easily treated - for instance, with female hormone vaginal cream.

Q: Doc, I must tell you in the greatest confidence that earlier this month, I cheated on my husband. This was two weeks ago. It was just once, and I will never do it again. It happened because I was mad at him about looking at another woman. Now I am worried that I could be pregnant. Is it too late to take the morning-after pill?

A: Far too late, I'm afraid. The post-coital Pill ('the morning after pill', or 'emergency contraception') generally has to be taken within three days of unprotected sex. There is another version of it which can be taken five days after sex. And it is also possible to have a 'post-coital coil' - that is, an intra-uterine device (IUD) which is put in within five days of sexual intercourse.

But you are much too late for those things. You are in the unhappy position of waiting to see if your cycle arrives. If it doesn't, then please do a pregnancy test right away.

Are you still having sex with your husband? If so, then, if you become pregnant, it might actually be your husband's. I hope you manage to get this sorted out. A lesson which can be drawn from your story is this, when you are mad with your spouse, it is never a good idea to respond by having sex with someone else.

Q: I am a 41-year-old man. Is it still safe for me to have sex three times for the night, Doc?

A: Perfectly safe, if you can still manage it.

Q: I am thinking of using Mirena, which I understand provides contraception with good period control.

But does it have any side-effects, Doc?

A: Well, everything in medicine can have side effects. Mirena is no exception, but most women are pretty happy with it. As you probably realise, it is a sort of coil (IUD), but one which contains a small dose of a female-type hormone called 'levo-norgestrel'. It works extremely well in preventing pregnancy, with only a small pregnancy rate.

The big bonus is the fact that, after it has been in your womb for a few months, it usually starts to have a very good effect on the menses. It makes them lighter and shorter. In my experience, most women do not get serious side effects with Mirena. But a few do get symptoms such as backache, vaginal discharge, breast tenderness, and (very occasionally) loss of interest in sex.

Q: I am a 33-year-old man and my doctor has just prescribed me some ointment which I am supposed to put on my penis three times for the day. But is there any danger that I could 'transfer' it to my wife during sex, Doc?

A: Yes, there is every chance that this could happen, and the consequences for her could be serious. Please talk to your doctor and wife about this. One solution might be to wear a condom whenever you have sex.












DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Pregnant and cheating
Published: Sunday | March 23, 2014 0 Comments

Q: Doc, I cannot believe that I have been so stupid. I am three months' pregnant, and my husband has been away in America for a week. I have been feeling very 'horny' and I did the craziest thing and had sex with an old friend from my schooldays. Could I have hurt the baby?

A: Fortunately, that is unlikely, but the big danger is the risk of infection. So you should go to a doctor or clinic and have tests for sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Good luck.

Q: Doctor, I recently got married, at the age of 29. I am proud to say that I maintained my virginity until then. My husband is slightly older than I and I thought that he was sexually experienced, but now I am not so sure. Our wedding night was not a great success. You see, he orgasmed before he even entered my body. Fortunately, he did manage it later in the night, so that was the end of my virginity. I cannot say I enjoyed it a lot.

Since then, we have tried to have sex, maybe two to three times for the week, but I am still not getting much pleasure from it. Every time, he seems to be unable to stop himself from climaxing. Often, he will orgasm within 10 seconds after entering me. My big aim in life is to have children, and I suppose he will be able to give me those. But I thought that sexual intercourse was supposed to be very satisfying and fulfilling, and at the moment, it isn't.


A: Poor you. As you probably realise, your new husband has a bad case of the condition called 'premature ejaculation', often known as PE.

This is not his fault (or yours). But he really must do something about it. If he doesn't, your marriage may not survive. The first thing he should do is talk to you about the problem. Please try to encourage him verbally and assure him that you will try to help him. Then, he should see a doctor or therapist who is experienced in dealing with PE. In fact, it would be best if you went along, too.

Possible ways of helping PE include the following:

The Masters-Johnson 'retraining' method, featuring their famous anti-orgasm grip; you will find this described on the Internet.
Dapoxetine - a fairly new drug which is taken before sex and which delays ejaculation;
Antidepressant pills such as clomipramine - many doctors are willing to prescribe these now, and they are quite cheap;
Condoms containing a local anaesthetic - these 'deaden' the sensation in the penis, but they are not very satisfactory.

I wish you both well.

Q: I am a man who has been having trouble urinating. My doctor says that my prostate gland is slightly enlarged. Will this affect my sex life, Doc?

A: Probably not. As a rule, mild enlargement of the prostate will only affect the urinary system, not the man's sexual activity. Please continue to be advised by your doctor.

Q: I have to do a hysterectomy operation next month. I have always had a great sex life. Does this mean the end of it?

A: No. In a hysterectomy, the surgeon removes the womb and not the vagina. And he certainly does not go anywhere near the clitoris. Most women who have a hysterectomy report that, once the stitches have healed, they are able to enjoy a very good sex life. They generally say that orgasms feel 'different', but they can still have them.

One other point: if the gynaecologist has to remove your ovaries as well as your womb, then it is possible that you will get some vaginal dryness after. That can make intercourse difficult or even painful. But it is quite easily treated - for instance, with female hormone vaginal cream.

Q: Doc, I must tell you in the greatest confidence that earlier this month, I cheated on my husband. This was two weeks ago. It was just once, and I will never do it again. It happened because I was mad at him about looking at another woman. Now I am worried that I could be pregnant. Is it too late to take the morning-after pill?

A: Far too late, I'm afraid. The post-coital Pill ('the morning after pill', or 'emergency contraception') generally has to be taken within three days of unprotected sex. There is another version of it which can be taken five days after sex. And it is also possible to have a 'post-coital coil' - that is, an intra-uterine device (IUD) which is put in within five days of sexual intercourse.

But you are much too late for those things. You are in the unhappy position of waiting to see if your cycle arrives. If it doesn't, then please do a pregnancy test right away.

Are you still having sex with your husband? If so, then, if you become pregnant, it might actually be your husband's. I hope you manage to get this sorted out. A lesson which can be drawn from your story is this, when you are mad with your spouse, it is never a good idea to respond by having sex with someone else.

Q: I am a 41-year-old man. Is it still safe for me to have sex three times for the night, Doc?

A: Perfectly safe, if you can still manage it.

Q: I am thinking of using Mirena, which I understand provides contraception with good period control.

But does it have any side-effects, Doc?

A: Well, everything in medicine can have side effects. Mirena is no exception, but most women are pretty happy with it. As you probably realise, it is a sort of coil (IUD), but one which contains a small dose of a female-type hormone called 'levo-norgestrel'. It works extremely well in preventing pregnancy, with only a small pregnancy rate.

The big bonus is the fact that, after it has been in your womb for a few months, it usually starts to have a very good effect on the menses. It makes them lighter and shorter. In my experience, most women do not get serious side effects with Mirena. But a few do get symptoms such as backache, vaginal discharge, breast tenderness, and (very occasionally) loss of interest in sex.

]Q: I am a 33-year-old man and my doctor has just prescribed me some ointment which I am supposed to put on my penis three times for the day. But is there any danger that I could 'transfer' it to my wife during sex, Doc?

A: Yes, there is every chance that this could happen, and the consequences for her could be serious. Please talk to your doctor and wife about this. One solution might be to wear a condom whenever you have sex.













pawilsonjm
Posted: Sunday, April 6, 2014 11:48:08 AM

Groups: Member

Joined: 1/5/2005
Posts: 309
Points: 1,122

Doctor's Advice:Double jeopardy?

Published: Saturday | March 29, 2014 0 Comments

Hello Doc. How are you keeping? Hope you are fine. I am a young guy of 17. Please do not condemn me, but last week, I somehow managed to have sex with two girls in a single evening. The first one was around seven o'clock. And the second one was at nine o'clock (approximately). Look, I know this was stupid, but I 'rode bareback' both times. And with each girl, I went all the way. The next day, I was fretting about whether I might have got both girls pregnant. I talked to a friend of mine, and he said that it was impossible. I asked him why, and he told me where he had heard that if a guy gets one girl pregnant in an evening, then he does not have enough sperm to fertilise another one. Is that true, Doc?

A: No, it is just a crazy myth. Unfortunately, young men often have these muddled notions about sex.

I am afraid that it is perfectly possible that you have got both of these young ladies pregnant, although much would depend on where they were in their monthly cycles.

I think that all you can do at this stage is to check with them in a week or so to find out whether their periods have arrived.

Please bear in mind that because you did not use condoms, you have run the risk of sexually transmitted infections. So if you develop any symptoms such as pain in passing urine or a discharge from your organ, please consult a doctor right away.

May I suggest that in future, you obey these common-sense rules of safe sex:

Try to avoid casual sexual relationships.

Do not have relationships with more than one girl at a time.

Always use condoms - do not 'go bareback'.

I am a female student aged 18. My doctor has given me a prescription for the Pill. She told me to take it three weeks on and one week off. But what I do not understand, Doc, is this: Why does she want me to have a week's break after the first three weeks? And surely, I would not be protected against pregnancy during that week.

A: Throughout the world, most brands of the Pill (though not all) are taken on the basis of three weeks on and one week off.

The reason why is that when the Pill was first invented, which was almost 58 years ago, the male scientists who developed it had the idea that women would be happier if they continued to have a monthly 'bleed'.

So they designed the first Pill to be taken for 21 days, with a seven-day 'break' afterwards. They knew that stopping the Pill after 21 days would bring on a period.

And it turned out that there was a big bonus: The menses would be light, short, and virtually pain free.

And things have continued much the same way ever since. Admittedly, there are now some doctors, particularly in the United States of America, who think that women should take the Pill continuously, that is, without a week's break. Under that system, you can go for a whole year or more without having a period.

But for most women in every country, it is still 21 days on, and seven days off. Rest assured, you will be protected against pregnancy during the week off.

I am a guy of 18, and I am straight, Doc. I am only interested in women. But a year ago, when I was poor, I regret to say that I 'sold myself' for one night to a male tourist. It was horrible, and it hurt. But I did get the money that I desperately needed at that time. Now I am wondering if this could have done me any harm, like an infection or anything?

A: Well, I presume you are talking about being on the 'receiving end' of rectal intercourse. Like any other form of sex, this can transmit STIs.

Most important, it is a very efficient way of passing on HIV, which is the virus that causes AIDS. So your best move now is to go to a doctor and ask for a blood test for HIV.

I sincerely hope that it will be negative, but I do not think you should have sex with anyone until you know the result.

Good luck!

I am a male virgin. I have measured my organ carefully, and it is only five inches long, Doc. Do you think that I will ever be able to have sex with a woman since my penis is so small?

A: Yes, of course you will. In fact, the latest statistics on penile size indicate that you are only slightly below average length. So you should be fine. Please quit fretting.

I am trying to get pregnant, Doc. I read in a medical book that it is dangerous to conceive if you have had any alcohol. The book said that the baby would be "born mad". How much truth is there in this, please?

A: None at all. This statement used to appear in old medical books, but it was quite wrong.

However, can I remind you that it is very bad for a child if its mother drinks alcohol in pregnancy, particularly early pregnancy. So if you are successful in conceiving, please do steer clear of drink.

I am very concerned about my sperm, Doc. Sometimes the fluid looks thick and even lumpy. Other times, it is very thin. Do you think I have a low sperm count?

A: What you describe is perfectly normal in a young man. Seminal fluid does vary in appearance for reasons that we don't really understand.

You could ask a doc to do a sperm count test for you, but I feel it would be totally unnecessary.

My fiancé has recently had some difficulty in penetrating me, Doc. Do you think he no longer finds me attractive?

A: I very much doubt that. Your fiancé clearly has a problem with erection at the moment. When this happens to a young guy, the cause is usually nerves, stress, or worry.

He probably feels terrible that he is not managing to make love to you. I think the best thing would be for him to see a doctor and have a physical check-up. The doctor will probably be able to reassure him that all is well.

You can help him by encouraging and reassuring him. It would also be useful if you gave him a little manual stimulation when he is trying to get inside.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com






DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Unfaithful wife?

Published: Sunday | March 30, 2014 1 Comment

Q: Doctor, I am tormented by the idea that my wife is cheating on me. Let me explain. I am a very successful businessman and, because of that, I am away quite a lot. When I return home, I am invariably desperate for sex with my beautiful wife. I love her very much.

But on the last few occasions that I have returned home, I have noticed that she has been extraordinarily wet, as if someone else had also had sex with her. Also, she has been tremendously 'turned on' and ready to climax at the drop of a hat. I only have to touch her in that area and she immediately orgasms.

And then a friend of mine has told me that a guy who was at school with her has been very friendly towards her recently and has given her a lift to the shopping plaza. Doc, this is really eating into my heart. I am constantly worrying that she is having an affair with that old school friend. I have not mentioned my feelings to her.


A: It is very unfortunate that you have not spoken to your wife about your feelings. Bottling things up like this is not a good idea. You are suffering from what is sometimes called 'the Othello complex'. This means that a husband (often a powerful and successful guy) loves his wife so much that he is terrified he will lose her. Therefore, he starts seizing on silly scraps of 'evidence' which he thinks may suggest she is being unfaithful.

Things are made worse when the man has a 'helpful' friend who starts saying that another man has been very friendly to the wife. You should ignore your friend! Let us just look at the so-called 'evidence'. There are, in fact, only two things:

1. Your wife is very wet when you get home. Medically, this could not possibly be the result of her having sex with someone else - unless they had done it just before you arrived at the front door. In fact, the likely explanation is that she gets very excited by the thought of her beloved husband coming home - and by the knowledge that he will immediately make love to her.
2. Your wife is very 'turned on' and is ready to orgasm as soon as you give her any love play. But this is not evidence! It merely indicates that your spouse loves you a lot and enjoys having sex with you. You should be proud of that.

So, on the basis of what you have told me, I think that the chances of your wife being unfaithful are very small. What you must do now is to sit down with her and talk to her about your fears. You should prepare yourself for her to be very upset. But it is only by 'clearing the air' that you are going to get this marriage out of a very dangerous situation. I wish you both well.

Q: I am a 41-year-old married woman with two children. Recently, my menses have been very heavy and very irregular, with some bleeding in-between. Can I safely assume that this is just 'early menopause'?

A: No way! It is very dangerous for a woman to think that irregular bleeding is because of menopause. Also, at your age you are too young to be experiencing menopause. In general, irregular menses and bleeding between periods are matters which needs sorting out by a doctor. This is because of the fact that sometimes these symptoms are the result of cancer. So do not waste time. Please go and see your doctor for an internal examination and possible tests.

Q: Hello, Doc. My wife has to do a 'prolapse' operation very shortly. Does this mean the end of our sex life?

A: No, not at all. A prolapse is a 'caving in' of the womb and, often, the vaginal walls. It is extremely common and is caused from childbirth - particularly repeated childbirth. There are various operations for prolapse, but the general idea is to put everything back in its place. Often, the gynaecologist also has to remove the womb. But he does not remove the vagina or the clitoris.

Therefore, the woman can continue to enjoy a happy and fulfilling sex life after the operation. But it is very important for you to note that your wife will not be able to have intercourse until everything is healed. That might take a few months, but she will be given more precise advice by her gynaecologist. Cheer up! During those two months or so, there is no reason why the two of you should not amuse yourselves with kisses, cuddles, and love play.

Q: I am a 26-year-old female and, ever since I had an affair with a guy in New York, I have had a yellowish discharge. It makes me very sore as well. Before I left America, I had a quick consultation with a doctor and she told me she thought it was something called 'trichomonas'. But she told me that I needed further tests and I did not have time for these, nor for any treatment. What should I do? Help!

A: Trichomoniasis (pronounced 'try - ko - MOAN - ass') is quite a common cause of vaginal discharge. The liquid tends to be yellowish-green and bubbly, and everything is very sore.

I cannot say for certain that you got this as a result of having sex with that guy in New York. What you must do now is to see a gynaecologist. She can do a test for trichomonas. Assuming it's positive, she will give you oral treatment with a drug called metronidazole. This will cure you. Please do not have sex with anyone until you are completely better.

Q: I am a Gleaner reader in England and five years ago I had a vasectomy. Now, to my amazement, my wife is pregnant! She absolutely denies having sex with anyone else, Doc. But what am I to think?

A: Well, the vasectomy operation does have a very small 'failure rate'. This is generally estimated as about one in 1,000. So, it may be that you are one of those rare 'failures' and that you have some sperm in your seminal fluid. You could, if you wish, ask your doctor for a sperm test. Also, you and your wife need to talk things over with an expert, perhaps at your local family planning clinic. She will help you to look at the possibilities. My bet is that your operation was unsuccessful and that you are 'leaking' some sperm. If so, you may want to consider having it done again. Or, perhaps you and your wife may choose some other form of contraception,
pawilsonjm
Posted: Wednesday, April 9, 2014 6:59:32 AM

Groups: Member

Joined: 1/5/2005
Posts: 309
Points: 1,122
Doctor's Advice:What is the rhythm method?



Published: Saturday | April 5, 2014 1 Comment

Doc, I am a teenage girl (18), and I would like to try that rhythm method of sex. But what exactly is it? My friends tell me various things. Some say that it means avoiding sex during the menses. Others say that it means that you should only have sex when you are halfway between the periods. My mother says it is the reverse of that! She believes that half-way between the menses is the most dangerous time. My boyfriend does not know, but he is convinced that he cannot possibly get me pregnant because everything has been OK so far.

A: Young people get very muddled about the rhythm method, or rhythm and blues as it is sometimes known. What your friends have told you is completely wrong. And your boyfriend's attitude is very short-sighted. If you listen to him, he is likely to get you pregnant soon. So pay him no mind.

However, what your mother has told you is approximately right. As she says, the greatest danger of conception is around halfway between the start of one period and the start of the next.

Before I explain fully, let me first say that the rhythm method is not very reliable, but it is better than nothing!

So let us begin by assuming that a young woman has a regular 28-day cycle. If you don't have a regular cycle, then please do not even think about the rhythm method because you will not be able to make it work.

OK, so the day on which the young lady's period arrives is termed day one. Generally, this girl can get away with having sex on any date between day one and day seven.

But of course, part of the time between day one and day seven is occupied by menstrual bleeding.

Now, from day eight, the risk of conception rises rapidly. The most dangerous time is usually between day 10 and day 15.

But I would recommend total abstention from sex between day eight and day 17 (inclusive).

After day 18, this young lady with a regular cycle is able to have sex without too much risk. This gives her around 10 low-risk days before her next menses arrive.

But if your periods are not 28 days apart (like, if they are 26 or 30 days apart), then you should ask a doctor or nurse to make the calculations for you. In fact, the rhythm method will work much better if you have a health professional helping you to sort out your dates.

Doctors who favour the rhythm method know how to make it more reliable by using special temperature charts. They can also teach you how to find your danger time by recording the nature of your vaginal secretions at various times of the month. Also, they can show you how to use an ovulation kit to determine your most fertile time.

However, I must say that I have seen many young couples who accidentally started a baby while trying to use the rhythm method. So I strongly advise younger women to use a more reliable method such as the Pill or the condom.

Doc, I am a guy of 19, and I have not been too well recently. I am fretting about the fact that five years ago, when I was 14, another young guy and I indulged in mutual masturbation. I regret it now. But is there any chance that it could have given me 'the clap' or some other kind of sexually transmitted infection (STI), Doc?

A: No, there is no chance that this episode could have given you gonorrhoea or any other kind of STI.

But as you are not feeling too well, you should contact a doctor to arrange a check-up.

After a vigorous sex session with my fiancé last month, I was terrified to find that my clitoris was real badly swollen and tender. I know I should have gone to a doctor, but I was scared to. A couple of days ago, the swelling sort of 'broke', and a little blood came out. Since then the pain and tenderness have gone, Doctor. But am I all right? And could I have sex with my fiancé again?

A: What you have had is a condition called clitoral haematoma. This is a swelling caused from blood collecting inside the clitoris. It can happen when a woman has a very intense and prolonged sex session.

Fortunately, most cases cure themselves, often when a little blood is released, thus reducing the pressure inside the organ. Sounds like that is what has happened to you.

I would prefer it if you asked a doctor to have a look at your genitals just to make sure that everything is back to normal. But you should soon be able to resume sex with your fiancé. Take everything gently to begin with, and use a sex lubricant in order to reduce friction.

I am 19. Do you think that at my age the Pill would be too dangerous to use?

A: Not at all. It is older ladies who are at a greater risk from Pill side effects such as thrombosis (clotting).

Really, the Pill is quite safe for most young women unless they have risk factors such as smoking or a family tendency to thrombosis.

I am a guy of 21, and I just don't seem to have been too virile in bed recently, Doc. Could I get some male hormones, maybe as tablets? And would they help me to have a more vigorous sex life again?

A: It would be crazy to give a young man male hormones unless he had had a blood test which showed that his male hormone level was low.

And that would be a most unusual state of affairs. A low hormone level in a young guy would only occur if his testicles had been affected by something serious like a bad attack of mumps or a severe blow to the scrotum.

As you feel that your sex life is not going too well, I would recommend that you have a complete check-up from a doctor. Take with you a urine specimen so that you can be tested for diabetes.

I am a virgin, but last week, I let a boy slip his finger a couple of inches into my vagina. In fact, he brought me to orgasm, Doc. Now I have a slight discharge, which stains my pants. Could he have given me some kind of STI?

A: The serious sexually transmitted diseases are not usually acquired by being 'petted' in this way. However, it does sound quite likely that the boy managed to introduce some germs into your vagina. Maybe his hands were not too clean.

The odds are that this is just a minor infection. I suggest that you simply bathe yourself with warm, salty water for a week. But if the discharge has not cleared up at the end of that time, you should consult a doctor.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com

pawilsonjm
Posted: Friday, April 18, 2014 12:01:44 PM

Groups: Member

Joined: 1/5/2005
Posts: 309
Points: 1,122

DOCTOR'S ADVICE - How did I get gonorrhoea?

Published: Sunday | April 6, 2014 1 Comment

How did I get gonorrhoea?

Q Doctor, I am a troubled man. I have been married to my wife for over 11 years, during which time I have been totally faithful to her. Honestly, I have never even looked at another woman.

But two months ago, I suddenly started feeling some pain while urinating. Shortly after that, I developed a slight whitish or greyish discharge from my penis. That really scared me, Doc. But I did not tell my wife. But as a precaution, I did not have sex with her, and have not done so for around eight weeks now.

Eventually, I went to a clinic, saw a doctor and did some tests. To my horror, he told me that I had gonorrhoea. He gave me some antibiotic treatment right away, and that has stopped my symptoms.

But what is making me worry, Doctor, is where did I get gonorrhoea? I have not had sex with anyone but my wife. I have never slept with another woman, not even once! The second possibility that occurred to me is that maybe I could have picked up the germ from some toilet seat. I have heard men talk about that. But is it really possible? Or could I have caught it while swimming in the sea or in a pool?

Seeing that I have not been with anyone except my wife, could that mean that she has had an affair and caught the germ - and then passed it on to me? I am at my wit's end, Doc. I don't know what to do. Please advise me.


A This must be terrible for you. Well, let us look at the possibilities which you have raised.

(a) Could you have caught it from a toilet seat? That is the traditional excuse many people have used after catching VD. But it would be very difficult to get 'the clap' from a toilet seat. Personally, I have never seen such a case.

(b) Could you have caught it while swimming? No, that is impossible.

(c) Did your wife have an affair, and catch gonorrhoea from her lover? Sadly, that has to be, by far, the likeliest answer.

But there is one other slight possibility, and it is that somehow, the doctor or the lab made a mistake and perhaps mixed up your specimen with somebody else's. But that really does not strike me as very probable. Unfortunately, there is no point in my advising you to have further tests, because now you have the antibiotics, so doing more tests would be of no value.

My advice to you is to tell your wife what has happened and have a frank and thorough talk with her. That will not be easy. Prepare yourself for the fact that she might accuse you of adultery! On the other hand, she might frankly admit to you that she has been playing around. If she makes such a revelation, please keep calm.

From a medical viewpoint, what is certain is that your wife must have a series of tests as well for various types of sexually transmitted diseases, especially gonorrhoea. She may initially be reluctant to do this, especially if she has no vaginal or urinary symptoms. But please tell her that the tests are essential, for her health. If they are positive, she, too, will need antibiotic treatment. Please write to me again if you need further help.

Should I tell my husband that I masturbate?

Q I am a housewife and my husband is away a lot. Sometimes I masturbate, Doc, and that certainly relieves my frustration. But I am wondering whether I should tell him about this. How would a man react to that revelation?


A. Well, men react in various ways. Some men get 'turned on' by the idea of their female partner pleasuring herself. That is why a lot of 'porn' has images and stories of women masturbating. However, other men can be very different. Some husbands are shocked at the idea of their wives masturbating and may feel threatened by it.

So, I do not think you should be in a rush to tell your spouse. But one possible way around the difficulty would be to raise the subject of vibrators with him. You could ask him how he feels about them. And if he reacts positively, then you could perhaps ask him to buy you one.

Tying my tubes

Q. I am thinking of having my tubes tied, but could I be sure that this would mean absolute and total protection against pregnancy?


A. Not quite. Female sterilisation has a very small risk of failure, generally about one in every 2,000.

Sore foreskin

Q. I have just developed a very sore foreskin, and my doctor says it is 'fungal' and has prescribed some anti-fungus cream, which seems to be working. Should I assume that I caught this fungus from my girlfriend? And does that mean that she has been cheating on me?


A. There are fungi all over the place, including on many areas of the human body. So you certainly cannot assume that you got this fungus through having sex with your girlfriend. And there is no evidence at all that she has been 'playing around'.

'Emergency contraceptive' at 34?

Q. I am a 34-year-old divorcée, and I must admit that I occasionally have passionate affairs with attractive men. I am not on the Pill, but a friend has suggested that I should use the 'emergency contraceptive'. But would it be safe for me to do so at my age?


A. I must say that I believe that people should arrange reliable contraception before having sex, rather than using the 'morning after pill', also known as 'emergency contraception' or Postinor-2. However, I do appreciate that, for many women, the availability of a tablet taken after unprotected sex can be very reassuring.

Postinor-2 is mainly used by younger women in their teens or early 20s. But, in fact, there is no reason at all why a woman in her 30s should not employ it. Unlike the contraceptive Pill, it does not carry risks of thrombosis (clotting) for more mature women. Finally, please bear in mind that the protection it offers is quite short of 100 per cent.

Natural contraceptive

Q. We are a couple living in St Andrew and we have heard that there is a natural way of having sex without the risk of pregnancy. Is that true, Doctor? We have been told that it is called 'the caressa' or something like that.


A. It's an old method, actually called 'the karezza'. The basic idea is that the man keeps his penis inside the woman for an extended time, but without climaxing. This is pretty difficult to achieve.



DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Am I still a virgin?

Published: Saturday | April 12, 2014 3 Comments

Am I still a virgin?

Q. Hi, Doc. Could you give me some good advice about my virginity? Actually, I am not too sure whether I am a virgin. I have occasionally let boys touch me 'down there' since I was 17. When I say touch, I mean with fingers and also on a couple of occasions with the tip of the penis. The last occasion was around six weeks ago when I allowed my boyfriend to penetrate me, but only about an inch - or maybe two. He did not discharge. So really, I have two questions, Doc:1. Am I still a virgin? (I feel that I am.)2. If I am not a virgin, should I get a Pap Smear done? I understand that it is only girls that have lost their virginity who need a Pap Smear.


A: Well, the first thing I should say to you is be very careful. You are starting to play with fire, and if you go on like this, you may find yourself pregnant - or suffering from a sex infection.

As it relates to the subject of virginity, I can answer your two questions:

1.Technically, you are no longer a virgin. You have allowed a small degree of penetration by more than one guy, and I am afraid that this penetrative activity is legally regarded as sexual intercourse.

It may well be that your hymen (or 'virgin's veil') is still intact, especially as penetration has not been very deep, but that does not alter the fact that you have had a male organ inside your vagina, and are, therefore, no longer a virgin.

2. As it regards a Pap Smear, you are right in saying that female virgins do not really need these tests. But now that you have had sex (even though it is only a little bit of sex), you may possibly have the HPV virus, which is the main cause of abnormal smears.

Therefore, I think that you should get a Pap test done fairly soon. Frankly, there is no great urgency for this, but I think you should plan to do the test during the course of this year.

Finally, please do take care with your body. Sounds like you may have just one boyfriend now. If you decide to have further sex with him, I suggest you use condoms (male or female).

Q. I am a guy of 19, and I have been diagnosed with a wart on my hand. Doc, is this the same thing as a genital wart? And if so, how could I work out which girl I got it from?

A: Warts are mostly caused from viruses, which are generally transmitted by contact with another person. That contact could be just skin-to-skin touching or it could be sexual contact.

I doubt if the wart on your hand was caused from intimate sexual contact with a girl's genitals. Also, the incubation period of warts is so variable that there is not the faintest chance that you could ever find out who you got it from. So please get your wart treated, and quit fretting about where it came from.

Cancer scare

Q. Doctor, could I have cancer of the opening of the vagina? I am 18 and have not had much sex, but three months ago, I noticed a little 'raw' place just to the right of my labia. It is around the size of a fingernail. It does not hurt much, but itches a little. So I did a search on the Internet, and I found where it could be 'cancer or carcinoma of the vulva'. This sounds pretty serious. What do you think, Doc? Is it caused from sex? Also, I have one or two other funny little patches on my legs.


A: Please try not to fret. Cancer of the vulva is a very dangerous condition, but it occurs almost entirely in ladies who are over 45. The chances of you having it at age 18 are pretty remote.

However, any woman who has a sore or raw place on the opening of the vagina or the labia should get it checked out by a doctor. This is especially important if it has persisted for several months as yours has done.

Now, what could your problem be? I am glad to say that it does not sound like any of the common sexually transmitted infections, though there is a faint chance that it could be a most unusual one. But in view of what you say about the patches on your legs, I think it is likely that you just have some skin condition like eczema or psoriasis. This would not be linked to sex.

So clearly, what you should do now is have a doctor look at this problem on your vulva and also at the patches on your legs. I am sure he will be able to sort this out for you.

Enlargen my penis

Q. Dear doctor, I want to enlarge my penis. How do I go about that, or what's the best method? I have tried a penis pump, but that hasn't made any significant difference. Please, Doc, lend me your wise advice.


A: Well, you have already spent money on a penis pump or vacuum pump and found that they don't work. And I have news for you.

None of the other so-called 'penis enlargers' that are on sale on the Internet are any use either. This morning, I typed the words 'penis enlargement' into Google and was immediately offered 1.25 million websites, all of which claimed to offer a way of making the male organ bigger. They included pills, creams, suction devices, rings, mechanical 'stretchers', and sexual exercises.

But all of this is just foolishness and a way of making certain people spend lots of money. Young men should realise that there is no way to enlarge their organ. So do not waste any more of your hard-earned cash.

There is one exception to what I have said. If a guy really does have the rare condition of 'micro-penis', in which the organ is less than three inches long when it is erect, then it is worth going to see a plastic surgeon to discuss having an operation.

But for a young man who has, say, a perfectly adequate five-inch penis, there would be no point in trying to have surgery.

Tenderness in breasts

Q. Help! I am 20 and I started on the Pill just a month back. Now I have tenderness in both breasts, especially after sex. Is this cancer, Doc?


A: No, it isn't. One of the commonest side effects of the contraceptive Pill is tenderness in the breasts. This is not harmful. Usually, it goes away after about three packs. If it doesn't, then your doctor can change you to another brand. But do not stop taking your Pill!

Re-using condoms

Q. Doc, my girlfriend and I don't have much money, so would it be OK if we sort of reused our condoms?


A: No! Don't do this! Young people sometimes try it and end up with leaky condoms.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com



Dear doc: I was seduced, now I might have an STD

Published: Sunday | April 13, 2014 7 Comments

Q Dear Doctor, I am in a state of panic. I have been happily married for 13 years and I have never looked at another man.

A month ago, we got a new member of staff at the hospital where I work. He is a very charismatic, talented man, and a lot of people are in awe of him.

Well, shortly after he arrived, we had a function with a few drinks. I must admit that I am not used to alcohol, so it had an effect on me. The new co-worker came up to me and we talked. Then, he drew me into a quiet corner and told me I was a 'very lovely lady'.

At the end of the function, he offered to drive me home. Half-way there, he stopped the car, put his arms round me and gave me a series of passionate kisses. Doc, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly, I was lying back and he was caressing my private parts. Five minutes later, he persuaded me and I had sex with him.

He orgasmed, and so did I - several times. Then he drove me home and kissed me 'good night'. I went in, and did not tell my husband what had happened.

I resolved to have nothing more to do with this man even though he was so attractive and romantic. But a week ago, he called me. I don't know how he got my telephone number, but he has such a powerful personality that he probably found it out quite easily.

Anyway, he explained to me that he was extremely sorry, but he had just been diagnosed with some kind of VD or STD. I didn't recognise the name of the condition. But he told me that I should see a doctor immediately and get treated.

What do you think, Doc? Is it likely that I have picked up some germ from him? And if so, could I have given it to my husband?


A Oh dear! This is very unfortunate! Well, it often happens that a woman is overwhelmed by the personality of an attractive and powerful man, add a little alcohol, and the results can be disastrous.

I am sorry that this has happened to you. But let us look at the facts clearly.

First, I can see no reason why this man should lie to you. He probably does have an infection. It is a small point in his favour that he took the trouble to inform you that he had been diagnosed with an STD. And it does not sound as if he called you with any intention of seeing you again, or seducing you again.

Now if he has an STD, it is highly likely that you have it, too. You do not mention any symptoms, but in in the case of women, very often, they have no symptoms at all in the early stages.

It is a pity that you did not catch the name he mentioned. But statistically, the likely candidates are gonorrhoea ('the clap') and chlamydia.

So it is possible that you have the germ of one of these inside your body. It is very important that you see a doctor immediately, so that you can be diagnosed and treated with the right antibiotics! The faster you do this, the better.

Have you had sex with your husband since that evening? If you have, then there is a chance that you might have given him the infection, and he may need treatment too.

However, you can postpone doing anything about that until you have seen a doctor and obtained a definite diagnosis.

One final possibility remains. We have been assuming that your co-worker gave you the infection. However, there has to be a small chance that you were already infected and gave him the germ.

If that were the case, then the germ must have come from somewhere. And the obvious source would be ... your husband.

So, there are still quite a few problems to work out here. Write to me again and let me know what happens and if I can be of further help.

Q I am living in the United States and my girlfriend wants me to get a vasectomy.

But Doc, I am scared because I don't know where they would cut me! Do they make a cut in the penis?


A No. They generally make two little 'nicks' in the skin of the scrotum. Then, working through those two incisions, they cut through the vas - which is the tube that carries sperm upwards from the testicle towards the penis.

So you don't have to worry about your male organs.

Q My husband used to use the condom, but now he has asked me to go on the Pill. I actually like taking it, because it controls my menses.

But what I do not like is the fact that sex is now so messy. Can I do anything about that?


A A lot of women who stop using condoms find that sex becomes 'messy', and dislike the fact that there is a lot of fluid afterwards.

But I am afraid that the only thing you can do is to ask your spouse to resume using the condom. If he is reluctant to do this, then one answer would be for you to start using the female condom, which you can buy at any pharmacy.

Q My wife is going to get sterilised. Will this affect my sex life in any way, Doc? Will I be able to feel anything different?

A No, female sterilisation has no effect at all on the male partner. But you will not be able to have intercourse until the doctors say that it is OK for you both to do so. That is usually a few weeks, depending on which surgical technique of sterilisation has been used.

Q I have four children and so I've decided to have a 'coil' put in. But I am dreading the insertion of this thing, Doc!

Will it be terribly painful? Also, how soon after will my husband and I be able to have sex? He does not like being deprived of it.


A For women who have children, the insertion of an IUD doesn't usually hurt a lot. But get your husband to drive you home afterwards. I suggest you tell him no sex for a week.
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Posted: Thursday, April 24, 2014 10:23:15 PM

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Doctor's Advice:She is pinning her pregnancy on me

Published: Saturday | April 19, 2014 0 Comments

Doc, a girl in Kingston is claiming that I am the father of the baby that she says she is going to have. But I think this is impossible!

The fact is that four weeks ago, I was visiting the Corporate Area, met her, and started fooling around with her.

I did get inside her, but I swear to you, Doc, that I did not discharge at all. The whole business only lasted about two minutes.

So I think that she is 'pinning this one on me', and that the father is definitely some other boy.


What is your medical opinion, please?

I am afraid that I do not have a great deal of sympathy with your argument. You admit that you had sexual intercourse with this young woman. OK, you say that you did not actually orgasm inside her.

But it is possible that some sperm leaked from your organ, especially if you were near to climaxing. The only way that you are going to find out for certain whether you are the babyfather is by arranging DNA tests, after the child has been born.

Incidentally, at the moment we are assuming that the young lady really is pregnant!

It is only four weeks since you had sex with her, and I am wondering if she has actually had a positive pregnancy test? Maybe you should ask her to confirm this.

You think that the girl is trying to 'pin' the paternity of the alleged baby on you, instead of on some other guy. But I am a little puzzled as to why she would do that.

Do you perhaps suspect that she has had sex with some other guy, whose family is less well off than yours? In other words, are you suggesting that she thinks you are a better 'catch' than this other young man?

There are many imponderables here. But the first thing to do is to establish whether she is really pregnant. If she is, then you should ask her to tell you the date of her last menstrual period. That date would give an indication of precisely when she became pregnant.

I don't know how old you are, but if you are still in your teens, then I think you should now discuss this matter with your parents. I hope they will give you good advice. Maybe they could contact the young lady's parents, to try to reach some agreement.

But ultimately, it may all come down to DNA testing in around nine months' time.


Afraid of not being able to conceive

Good day, Doc. I fear that I will never be able to get pregnant. You see, whenever time I have sex, I find that my guy's fluid runs straight out of me afterwards.

In fact, we do not want to conceive a child for another couple of years or so. But this business is making me fret.

Would you say that I have some anatomical abnormality?


No, you don't. I quite often get the query from younger women because, like you, they think that once a guy's seminal fluid goes into the vagina, it is all supposed to stay in. So they get the idea that they cannot conceive, because they see the fluid flowing out.

But this is all a misunderstanding. In fact, it is normal for virtually all of the male sex fluid to flow out during the hour or so after having sex. Look at an anatomical diagram, and you will see why,

Inside a woman's body, there is pretty well nowhere for the guy's fluid to go. So it reaches the far end of the vagina - and then gently starts flowing out again.

However, some of the tiny sperm which are swimming around in it do manage to get through the small hole in the cervix, and then continue upwards into the womb (the uterus), on their way to look for an egg (ovum). If one of them is successful, then a child will be conceived.

But that does not alter the fact that most of the fluid cannot go anywhere inside. So it just has to flow out again. Summing up, you are normal.


Can too many orgasms harm me?

I am a guy who has managed to have five orgasms in one night, on a recent occasion.

If I did it again, would that do my health any harm, Doc?


A No. It might make you tired, and rather sore. And you could get temporary oedema (also known as 'edema'), a condition in which the penis becomes very puffy and swollen, and remains so for some days. That is really an indication that you have been overdoing things.

But your health will be OK.


How long does the Pill take to work?

My doctor wants me to start the Pill next Thursday, Doc. The following Monday, my loving boyfriend is coming home from abroad.

So would I be protected against pregnancy by the time he gets here?

I presume your doctor has advised you to start your first pack of Pill on 'Day One' of your menses, which is the usual thing these days.

If you do that, then you will be protected immediately.


She says she'll take my virginity

I am a guy of 18. Doc. I have met a girl who says she will help me to lose my virginity. She is experienced, I think.

But can I be absolutely certain that if I use a condom, there will be no chance at all of catching a sexually transmitted infection from her?


Condoms cannot give you 100 per cent protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). But they do greatly reduce the chances of catching something, provided that you follow these basic hygiene rules:

1. You must put the condom on before your organ gets anywhere near the young lady's intimate parts.

2. You should keep it on, all the way through intercourse.

3. When you have orgasmed, you should carefully hold it on to yourself - using your finger and thumb - as you withdraw.

4. After you take it off, you should try if possible to wash your hands.

5. When you have 'exited', you should not put your unprotected penis anywhere near her vagina.

This advice may all sound a little cold and clinical. But it could protect you against catching dangerous germs.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com



DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I want to take Viagra

Published: Sunday | April 20, 2014 1 Comment

Q: Doc, I am interested in taking Viagra, because I need a little 'help' in the bedroom. But I am worried that if I take it and I am not able to have sex after, that something will happen to me. I have heard this can be dangerous.

A: That is not true. Very often, a man takes Viagra and then finds that for some reason his partner is unavailable, or perhaps guests arrive at the house! In those circumstances, nothing bad will happen. Lots of men think that they will explode or something. But this is just not true. If the man thinks about sex, or if there is somehow some friction of his clothes against his organ, then he will probably get an erection. But this is no big deal and it will go away.

Q: Doctor, I am a woman whose 'sexual and biological clock' is ticking! I need your medical advice as to what I should do. You see, I have always wanted a child and so badly that my life will not be complete without one. I can now see '40' on the horizon. I have never married, though I have had a few wonderful sexual relationships over the years. (Unfortunately, the men both married someone else.)

What it comes down to is that I would like to get pregnant as soon as possible. I hope it would not be too difficult. I have always been healthy, and my menses are very regular, lasting around four to five days. I can tell when I ovulate, because the quality of my vaginal secretions changes. I have no discharge or other 'symptoms', and I did have a Pap smear and a check-up from a gynaecologist a year ago and got a clean bill of health. So, I am resolved to conceive, preferably in the next six months. But who is to be the father?

I do know one guy who wants to marry me. He is an old friend of my family. I suppose he is not too bad looking, but I could not call him handsome. More important, I cannot honestly say that I like him all that much. His attitudes are very old-fashioned, and I get bored of his company rather quickly. But my mother and my sister are urging me to marry him. They are saying it is 'my last chance'. What do you think, Doc? Should I go ahead and marry him in order to have a baby even though I do not really like him much?


A: I think it would be crazy for you to marry this man who you do not even like. I quite understand your feelings that you desperately want to have a child, but this is not a good way to achieve it.

Over the years, I have been consulted by several women who were in much the same situation as you and who would have done almost anything to conceive. One or two of them actually got married to unsuitable men, for the sole purpose of having a child. But they regretted it. One of them was divorced within a year. Another found herself with a husband who complained endlessly about having been treated as 'a sperm factory'.

So what else can you do? Well, you could possibly have a child through artificial insemination by a donor. You seem to travel quite a lot, and in New York it would be easy, though expensive, for you to do that. Of course, you would have to be very sure that you can raise a child on your own, though a lot of women before you have done that. There is always the possibility of adopting. That can be extremely rewarding. But whatever you do, you should avoid marrying a man who you don't love and who you appear to actually dislike.

Q: My menses have been very heavy for years, and that is making my sex life very difficult and I am very keen on sex, Doctor. Now I have been offered the choice of a hysterectomy or a Mirena coil. Which is better, Doc?

A: Hysterectomy - the surgical removal of the womb, use to be a tremendously common operation. But recently, it has become a less frequent method because doctors have found other ways of treating female problems. In particular, Mirena - which is the hormone-loaded coil, has proven so effective in controlling heavy periods that a lot of women have been able to avoid doing a hysterectomy.

I cannot really say which of these treatments would suit you best. It has to be your individual choice. But a hysterectomy is quite a major surgery, and it takes time to recover from it. Also, you would not be able to have sex for weeks, and your orgasms would probably feel different afterwards. In contrast, having a Mirena put in is a pretty minor procedure. It doesn't interfere with your sex life and, if you don't like it, you can always have it taken out.

Q: My partner and I have always 'ridden bareback'. But now she wants to start using those female condoms, Doc. Would this affect me? Could I become allergic to it? And is it true that it makes a distracting noise? What are the drawbacks?

A: You don't sound too positive about your partner's choice of the female condom (Femidom). But it shouldn't have any negative effects on you. I have not seen any male patients who have become allergic to it.M It is true that early models of the female condom used to make noise, but I am told that problem has been resolved.

The only other thing you need be concerned about is that you take care when having sex, ensuring that you place your penis inside the female condom. If you mistakenly point it down the outside of the device, then your sperms could get into the womb and cause a pregnancy. For this reason, I usually recommend that couples do not use it in the dark, where they cannot see what they are doing.

Q: My wife has developed a 'spot' on the outside of her vagina. Does this indicate cheating, Doc?

A: No, it doesn't. But she should have this 'spot' checked out by a doctor, in case it is anything serious.
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Posted: Saturday, May 3, 2014 2:40:18 AM

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Dear Doc: Women think I'm too small

Published: Sunday | April 27, 2014 9 Comments

Q: I have not had sex since I was 18 years old because women laugh at the size of my penis.

I am now 30, and would like to resume my sex life. These days, I measure 5.5 inches in length.

Would women still laugh at me?


A: No, they would not. Recent research in Mexico shows that five and a half inches is actually about average.

Q: Doc, I am a loving wife who is having marriage problems. Is there any medicine that would help me?

I am 31 years old, and have been married to a good and faithful man for almost four years. He loves me, and assures me of that every day. But the problem is that he is a highly sexed man, while I have practically no interest in sex at all.

After we got married, this was a big disappointment to him. He told me that he expected me to be 'wild and tigerish' in bed. But I am not. I just lie there, and let him 'get on with it'.

I suppose I do have some sexual feelings. In fact, I have climaxed a few times, but always on my own. I thought about my husband while I was doing it. Doc, what pill or medicine could I take which would make me into the sexy and passionate woman that my husband really wants? Would Viagra help me?


A: This is a very common story. Some doctors would say that you have something called 'Female Sexual Arousal Disorder' or 'FSAD'. There have been claims that in the United States, around 43 per cent of women have this 'disorder'.

Personally, I do not regard women like yourself as suffering from a 'disorder'. It seems to me that women like you have just not yet been sexually awakened. They usually have the capacity to enjoy sexual 'action', but the process has not been switched on yet.

Unfortunately, I have to tell you that there is still no medication - pills or injections - which will make a woman more interested in sex. From time to time, drug companies announce some new product which is alleged to 'boost female libido', but again and again, these products turn out to be useless.

Pharmaceutical companies will, I am sure, eventually invent a pill which will make women interested in sex. But at the moment, there is really nothing. A few doctors give women testosterone (that is, male hormone) injections to try and boost their desire. But the results are unimpressive.

You ask about Viagra, but sadly, this has turned out to be pretty useless on women. All it can do is increase the flow of vaginal lubrication.

So what can be done about your marital problem? Well, the great thing is that you and your husband love each other. That gives me reason to be optimistic about the outlook!

You have noted that there have been occasions when you have orgasmed, but always on your own while thinking about your husband. This does clearly show that your 'apparatus' is in working order.

So I feel that you should build on that discovery. Please tell your husband (if he does not know already) that you have managed to climax while thinking about him. He may be pleased by that!

I suggest that you show him exactly what method you have used to make yourself orgasm. This may well be finger-pressure on the clitoris. Next, you should ask him to do exactly the same thing to you, when you are both in a relaxed and loving situation. I hope that this 'experiment' will show that he can excite you to an orgasm, and that will create an even stronger bond between you two. But really, the two of you need to do more than that. I strongly recommend that you find a therapist or counsellor who knows about marital and sexual matters, and who could help the two of you to find greater happiness in the bedroom.

Q: Doc, I am a 34-year-old man and I just read on the Internet that 'statins will boost your sex life'. Is that true? Would these drugs help me?

A: I am not sure why you need any help, but let me explain statins.

As you know, these are drugs which lower a person's cholesterol. The idea is that it will reduce the chances of heart attacks and strokes.

What you have heard about is new research which suggests that:

Cholesterol 'furs up' people's arteries, that is, their blood-carrying tubes in the lower part of the stomach.

These narrowed arteries can reduce the blood flow to the penis. That can make men 'lose their nature'.

But statins can help open up the arteries again.

There may be some truth in this. But the top researcher of this study says that there is no point in a man taking statins unless he has high cholesterol.

Q: My doctor, who is quite an old-fashioned woman, wants me to try the diaphragm as a form of contraception.

I understand that you put it in the vagina before sex. But can't the man feel it with his penis?


A: No. If the correct size diaphragm is chosen, it is kind of 'tucked up' behind the pubic bone. In that position, no man is going to feel it.

Please note that if he put his finger inside you, he would be able to feel it. But that is not usually a problem.

Q: I am 24 years old and my husband is 26. We have been having sex together for over a year now. But still we have difficulty in timing our climaxes so that we orgasm together.

Any suggestions, Doc?


A: Recent research has shown that most couples have difficulty with this. But it does tend to become easier as you get older, and grow more used to each other's sexual reactions.

One plan which is successfully used by a lot of couples is that the man tries to ensure that the woman orgasms first. As soon as he feels that she is on the brink, then he increases his pace, and with luck he catches up and is able to climax within a second or two after her.

Q: My doctor wants me to stop taking the Pill, because she says I now have blood pressure, and several other 'risk factors'.

So could I switch to that Evra skin patch, Doc?


A: I would not recommend it. The contraceptive patch contains exactly the same hormones as the Pill. So for you, the dangers of using it would be similar.

You would do well to switch to some other method, such as the mini-Pill, the IUD (coil) or Mirena.




Doctor's Advice:Can't resist the urge


Published: Saturday | May 3, 2014 0 Comments

Hi Doc. We are a young couple, deeply in love. One of us is 19, the other one is 18. We plan to get married one day. The sexual impulse between us is overwhelming. We had no idea that the feelings would be so powerful. To be honest, Doc, we were completely unable to resist the strength of our desire for each other. We were swept away, and soon found that we could not help having sex. Neither of us had ever had sexual relations with anyone before. What we are concerned about is this. Could all this sex be doing us any harm, healthwise? You see, when our parents are not around, we usually have sex two or even three times for the day. We have discovered how to orgasm together. And one of us (the girl) sometimes has six orgasms in a single session. What do you think, Doc? Could we be doing ourselves any harm? Could all this sex give us blood pressure or something?

A: Well, it is nice to hear about a young couple who are so deeply in love. I hope your relationship will last, and that you will eventually be able to get married and have babies. However, I do feel that maybe you should soon tell your parents about your relationship - though you don't have to spell out the details.

As it relates to health, you are fretting quite unnecessarily. Having all this sex will not do you any harm medically. And it certainly won't give either of you pressure!

I would guess that you are both safe from sexually transmitted infections (STIs), since it appears that neither of you has ever been with anyone else.

The only thing that remains is the subject of children. Young couples who have all this much sex are highly likely to make a mistake - and, therefore, soon find themselves the proud parents of a child!

So if you don't want to start a family for a few years, I would urge you to use some reliable form of contraception. Among the many types that are available to you these days are: the male condom, the female condom, the Pill, the mini-Pill, the shot, the implant, the coil (IUD) and the vaginal ring. There must be something there to suit you. I wish health and happiness to you both.

I am a female graduate student, age 22. I have never been able to have sex with a guy because every time I try, I just sort of tighten up, and get intense pain. I think I must be small-made because I cannot get a tampon in either, Doc. Do you think that if I consulted a lady doctor, she could arrange some sort of operation to widen me up?

A: Look, I must tell you that the odds are that you just have a well-known condition called vaginismus.

This is a kind of muscle contract which affects women who are scared of being penetrated. It is very typical that you cannot use a tampon.

There is a small chance that you really have some obstruction down there, like a very tough hymen or a structural abnormality of the vagina. But you need an internal examination to find out if this is so. I must stress that it is unlikely.

Anyway, it is clear that you should go and see a doctor as soon as possible. It is interesting that you mention a female doctor because there is some evidence that women doctors are particularly good at diagnosing and treating vaginismus. Experts say that this is because they somehow take the place of the young woman's mother, and somehow give her permission to relax and open up her vagina.

Good luck in getting this trying problem sorted out.

Doc, I am a guy of 18, and I am very, very worried about the angle of my penis. I think there must be something wrong with me. When I am erect, I kind of 'stick out' straight in front of me, or a little higher. I thought this was OK, until I saw a porn movie, and in this the main man was sticking up towards the sky. I was very upset by this. So I asked a couple of my friends to tell me how things are with them. Both of them replied that they point 'upwards'. So what can I do, Doc? Is there an operation that would cure me?


A: Please quit fretting. This is yet another example of the modern phenomenon of young people being 'spooked' by blue movies.

Men often think that their erections don't point high enough. Fortunately, some useful research was done on this by the famous Dr Alfred Kinsey.

What he found was this:

The average angle of an erection is only just above the horizontal;

About 15 per cent to 20 per cent of guys have an erection which is 45 per cent above horizontal;

Only eight per cent to 10 per cent of males have a vertical erection, tight against the belly.

So you are normal. Relax.

Q I am a male of 19, and I find that I am really not as interested in sex as all the other guys are. I do like girls, and I did once have sex. It was good, but I did not desperately want to do it again next day. I am certainly not homosexual because I have no interest in other guys. But I don't masturbate very much, maybe just once a month, in fact. I know that some of my friends do it much more often than that. So am I abnormal? Should I get my hormones checked, Doc?


A: The fact is that quite a lot of the population (both male and female) are not all that interested in sex. They quite like it when it happens, but they don't mind if they don't have any for a while.

Sure, some young guys are real highly sexed. But a lot of others are like you, and what I would call 'lowly sexed'. There is nothing at all wrong with that. It's just like the fact that some people are fast runners, and others are slow runners.

I very much doubt if there is anything wrong with your male hormone levels. So I do not really think it would be worth your while asking for a blood test. If you are happy with your life, then you have no need to fret about your sex drive.

I keep getting a creamy discharge from my vagina, and it itches me very badly, Doc. Why does this happen?

A: The likeliest diagnosis is the little fungus called thrush or Candida albicans. Most people know it by its informal name of yeast.

At your local pharmacy, you can buy anti-yeast cream and other anti-yeast medication. If you are sexually active, your partner should use the cream too. But if these measures don't cure you, please see a doctor.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
Posted: Wednesday, May 14, 2014 3:04:21 AM

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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Does He Love Me, Doc?

Published: Saturday | May 10, 2014 1 Comment



Does he love me, Doc?
Q. Doc, I am a young teenage girl, and I just don't know what to do. I have fallen in love with a boy. This month, I thought I was pregnant by him, and I would like to know if you think he loves me. He and his family moved to our town just a few months ago. All the girls found him fascinating and sexy. He is very handsome and taller than the other guys in my area. He is a good athlete, too.
Well, Doc, when I first saw him, it was like a blow to my heart. I thought that I had never seen anyone so marvellous. So when he asked me out one evening, I was surprised and delighted. We went down to the beach and walked and talked under the trees. Pretty soon, he kissed me. I had never been kissed before. In no time, I found we were lying down on the sand and within a few seconds, he was inside me. This was my first time ever, Doc.

Much to my surprise, he did not ask me out the next night. In fact, when we passed in the street, he just kind of waved his hand then carried on talking to his friends. He did come and find me a few days later. We went for a walk, and he kissed me a lot, and told me that I was very beautiful. But then some older folks came along, so we had to split up and go home.

Then came my big 'scare'. My menses did not arrive, so I sent him a note, saying that I was pregnant. But it turned out that he had to go to Port Antonio on family business, so I don't think he ever got my letter. A friend told me that she heard he was not coming back. I prayed a lot, and then I had the good fortune to find that my period arrived. It was three days late, but it was there. So can I now assume I am not pregnant? But what I want to ask you most of all, Doc, is this: Do you think that this boy loves me?

A. Well, you have certainly had an interesting few weeks. You have fallen in love for the first time, experienced your first kiss, then lost your virginity, and after that, you had a pregnancy scare.

Let me first answer your question about pregnancy and the menses. If you really have had a period, then you are not pregnant. I am assuming that this wasn't just a short 'bleed' that lasted a few minutes. From what you say, it sounds like real menstruation. That makes pregnancy almost impossible.

Second, you ask me whether this young man loves you. I regret to say that you have not the slightest evidence of that.

Please look at the facts. This handsome guy asked you to go for a walk on the beach, kissed you, and then rapidly seduced you. He didn't say 'I love you' or anything like that. And when he saw you in the street, he wasn't delighted to have encountered you. Instead, he just waved his hand - and carried on talking to his pals.

He may or may not have received the letter in which you told him that you thought you were pregnant, but you have not seen him since, and he has made no effort to get in touch with you. To sum up, the evidence that he loves you amounts to precisely nil. I am sorry to tell you that, but it is a fact.

You, on the other hand, are clearly in love with him. I have every sympathy for you. Being in love when you are a teen, and not being loved back, is deeply distressing. However, I can assure you that your feelings for this guy will eventually pass. I have seen many such cases, and the intense emotions do fade away in the fullness of time.

What should you do now? Well first, my advice to you is steer clear of boys altogether for at least six months until everything has calmed down in your mind. Second, at the moment, you should be on the lookout for any signs of a sexually transmitted infection. For instance, if you get a bad vaginal discharge, or pain passing urine, or any kind of discomfort in your private parts, then please see a doctor right away. I wish you well, and I share your relief that at least you are not pregnant by this 'Romeo'.

Bleeding during masturbation
Q Help me, Doc! I am a guy of 17, and while masturbating last night, I produced some blood. Is this serious? Am I going to die?

ANo, you are not going to die. The likelihood is that you have just broken a small blood vessel (that is, a blood-carrying tube) inside you. But you should see a doctor and have him check out your equipment.

What happens during a Pap smear?
QDoc, I have to have a Pap smear, but I have no idea what it involves, so naturally, I am fretting. What happens, please?

A Don't fret. It is no big deal. What happens is this. Generally, you lie on your back on a flat couch. But some doctors (and nurses) prefer you to lie on your left side. The doctor then picks up a slim instrument called a speculum. This can be made of metal or of plastic. It is very clean.

He slips it gently into the vagina. Then, when it is inside you, he opens it up an inch or two. This allows him to look far into you, and with the aid of a strong light, to see your cervix. Once he can get a good view of the cervix, he picks up a little medical instrument, about the size of a pen. He uses that to takes some cells from the cervix. This does not usually hurt.

The idea of taking the cells is so that they can be examined by the lab under a microscope. From looking at them, the laboratory people will be able to see if there are any abnormalities. The Pap smear is valuable in detecting cells that might one day become cancerous. Please go ahead and have it done.

Getting rid of semen stains
QDoc, can you tell me how I get seminal stains out of my sheets? You see, I am a guy of 18 and I just keep having these sexy dreams. The result is that my sheet gets badly stained. That is incredibly embarrassing for me as I am living with a family who would be shocked if they knew that I was having climaxes in my sleep
.

A Well, anyone who is well informed would know that many young men cannot help having orgasms in their sleep. However, I can understand that you want to get rid of these stains. The best way to do it is with a nail-brush dipped in cold, soapy water. The damp patch will then take around 20-30 minutes to dry, depending on whether you have air conditioning.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com


Dear Doc: Threesome Invitation


Published: Sunday | May 11, 2014 2 Comments
Q I am a fit, healthy, male athlete. To my surprise, I have been asked by a slightly older couple in Mandeville to join them for sex next Thursday night. They say that is the only time that would work for them.

The woman is very attractive, so I am tempted. Her husband says that she would love to have sex with me first of all, and then him. Would this be risky, Doc?

A You bet it would! If this couple is involved in a lot of extramarital sex, then there has to be a chance that one or both of them has chlamydia or some other sexually transmitted germ. And they would probably give it to you.

Another potential problem is that you may get this woman pregnant. In fact, I am wondering whether that is their real purpose for inviting you. Maybe the husband is infertile? I note that they have invited you on one specific date, and it could be that this is the day on which the wife ovulates.

My advice: beware!

Q Doc, I am a 25-year-old female and I would love your advice on three problems that I am having.

1. I wish to use the IUD as my birth control method, but my gynaecologist disagrees because I do not have children.

Does this mean that the IUD can damage my reproductive system and prevent me from having children when I am ready? I have done some research and I am aware of the possible side effects. But my gyno is scaring me to death!

What do you think, Doc? Will it hurt me or cause birth defects?

2. Would you recommend the 'patch'? I researched it and found an article that claimed two girls died as a result of using the patch. What is your medical opinion?

3. Can you also explain to me when a woman is most fertile in her cycle. Assuming I am practising the 'rhythm method', please explain the days that I am to avoid sex. I have a five-day period and a 28-day cycle.

AWell, thank you for your long and interesting questions. These are very common concerns so I will deal with them individually.

1. The IUD (coil) is not easy to insert in women who have not had children, mainly because, in these women, the channel through the cervix is still very narrow. When a woman has a child, the child's head 'opens up' the cervix - and it stays opened for life. That makes it fairly easy for the IUD to be inserted.

There are some doctors who will put a coil into a woman who has never had children, but as your gynaecologist has examined you and knows your anatomy, and he does not feel that you should have a coil, so I think you really should take his advice.

2. The patch method of contraception, also known as 'Evra', is very effective. But it is basically a way of giving the Pill through the skin. Therefore, like the Pill, it can occasionally cause thrombosis - a clot. And that can be fatal.

However, a healthy woman who has no 'risk factors'- such as smoking, obesity, diabetes or a bad family history of clotting, should be able to use the skin patch with very little danger of any problems.

3. Finally, you ask when a woman would be most fertile in her cycle, if she has five-day menses occurring regularly every 28 days.

The answer is that, at all costs, she should avoid sex from day eight to 17 of her cycle, counting (and this is really important) the first day of the period as day one.

So, if she started her period on (say) Saturday, May 3, she should refrain from sexual intercourse from Sunday, May 11 to Tuesday, May 20 (inclusive).

I must add that, personally, I do not regard the 'rhythm method' as very reliable.

QDoc, I am a woman in my mid-20s. My menstrual cycle has been a bit unusual for a year now. It's been anything from 22 to 33 days.

This month, my partner orgasmed in me, so the next morning I took the emergency contraceptive. Five days later, my period arrived very early. It is relatively lighter than usual, but I would consider it a period and not just 'spotting'.

Please tell me what is the cause of this.

AWomen who take the emergency contraceptive should be aware that the next menses may arrive unusually early or unusually late.

However, if you have the slightest doubt about whether this is a real period, you should do a pregnancy test now.

Q Doctor, I slept with a girl in Falmouth around three months ago. We did not use a condom.

Now I have developed a little floppy piece of tissue sticking out from my foreskin. It is about half an inch long and very narrow.

Is this a genital wart? And did I get it from her?

A: This does sound very like a genital wart. These lumps affect both sexes and they are caused from a virus which is transmitted during sex.

One cannot say with any certainty that you caught the virus from the woman you slept with in Falmouth, because the incubation period varies.

What you should do now is to have a doctor check it out and confirm that it is indeed a genital wart. He will give you some treatment for it. Until you have been cured, please do not have any sex with anybody.

QI have just been diagnosed as having a fibroid in my womb. Will this prevent me from having sex, Doc?

ANo. A lot of women have fibroids, and they are more common in Jamaica than in many other countries. They are 'lumps' of fibrous tissue in the womb.

Only occasionally do fibroids cause any difficulty or discomfort during sex.

QI am a 61-year-old guy and I am seriously considering marrying a delightful young 26-year-old woman. My question is this. Would I still be fertile even though I am now in my 60s?

ADefinitely! There have been many cases of men becoming fathers in their 60s or 70s, and possibly older than that.

There is a reference in the medical literature to a man who supposedly got a young woman pregnant when he was 104. However, we have no way of knowing whether someone else was really the father.

Q I am 36 years old and I have been diagnosed with 'duct ectasia' of the breast. Is this serious or cancerous?

ANo. Duct ectasia is a common condition in which a 'milk tube' widens and may produce fluid. It is not cancerous.
pawilsonjm
Posted: Sunday, May 18, 2014 3:27:49 AM

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Doctor's ADVICE:Should 17-y-o give in to older woman?

Published: Saturday | May 17, 2014 0 Comments




Q I am a guy of 17, and I have never had sex. Several girls have indicated that they might be willing to go to bed with me, but the opportunity has never quite presented itself so far.

However, things have changed in the last week. I do a little part-time gardening for an older lady who lives just outside our town. I think she is maybe 35, or so, and is still a very attractive woman. She is married, with two children. But her husband is not around very much.

Well, on Monday, she came out into her garden and gave me a drink of juice. We got chatting, and we were standing very close. Suddenly, she leaned forward and kissed me, Doc.

This was really the first kiss I had ever had. I was surprised, but I liked it. In fact, I put my arms around her and hugged her.

I am not sure what happened next, but she took me indoors and did various things to me. And she made it quite clear that next time I go to her place, she wants to go to bed with me and have sex.

Doc, what do you think I should do? Is there any risk to my health from having intercourse with a lady who is probably twice my age?

A No, there is no danger to your health, unless, by some chance, this lady is carrying a sexually transmitted infection.

I can see that there is a great attraction for you in the idea of being seduced by a much older, highly experienced woman. Doubtless, you would learn a lot.

But I think it would be unwise to go ahead with this affair. You may well get hurt, particularly if (as sometimes happens) the mature lady 'uses' you for a while and then dumps you.

Please bear in mind that she has a husband. What if he finds out? He would be likely to get mad, so you could find yourself on the receiving end of violence. You don't want to find yourself facing a 'chopping' from an indignant spouse!

Also, this lady has two children. I can assure you that if the children discover that their mother has been having illicit sex, the effect on them would be disastrous. I have seen quite a few who developed serious behavioural problems or depression and one who even attempted suicide.

If you and this woman go to bed, those are the unfortunate consequences that might ensue. Now, I am not trying to criticise or insult this mature lady. I am well aware that it is fairly common for a female who is in her 30s or 40s (or even older) to decide that it would be a great idea to initiate a young, virgin male into the mysteries of sex.

For all we know, maybe this lady isn't getting enough attention from her husband. Or, perhaps, he treats her badly or even beats her. But going to bed with you is not going to solve any problems for her, and it could lead to a whole heap of trouble.

Therefore, young man, my advice to you is this: Don't see that lady anymore. Give up the little gardening job! Try to find yourself a nice girlfriend who is nearer to your own age.


Pill and cigarettes

Q I smoke maybe two or three cigarettes for the day. Would it be OK for me to go on the Pill, Doc?

A Well, three cigarettes a day isn't very much. But even that tiny amount of tobacco could slightly increase your chances of dangerous Pill complications.

Also, bear in mind that nicotine is addictive. That is why so many young people start with only two or three cigarettes for the day, and before long, find that they are getting through 10 or 12 every 24 hours.


Losing control

Q I am a guy of 18, and I am just obsessed with girls. I think of them day and night. I love them and their gorgeous bodies.

I search on the Internet for pictures of beautiful, naked females, and I masturbate most nights of the week, Doc.

All of this is interfering with my studies, and my lecturers have noticed that my grades are dropping. So could a doctor give me something to take all this lust away from me?

A No, a doctor couldn't prescribe anything that would do that. Sorry.

Try to understand that this is just a stage you are going through. In a couple of years, your interest in young ladies will have become slightly less passionate. In the meantime, you need to take some action to prevent your studies from suffering. I suggest you see a youth counsellor, preferably one at your college.

It's also a good idea to throw yourself into sports. It has been known for well over a century that highly sexed young men can divert some of their sexual energy into vigorous sporting activities. This process is called sublimation. But take care not to do so much sport that you have no energy left for studies.

Rich playboys

Q I am female, age 21, and I have recently acquired a rich boyfriend. He is 30. We only meet for sex, which takes place at his apartment. We do not actually go out together.

The sexual intercourse with him is mind-blowing, which I did not expect. He has no interest in marriage - just sex. I know he has other girlfriends.

My current problem is that he has suggested to me that he might 'pass me on' to one of his friends on certain days of the week. His friend is also rich and good-looking. Also, he is supposed to be very good at sex play, according to my boyfriend.

Please do not condemn me, but give me some good health advice, Doc.

A These seem to be rich playboys who 'fool around' with various girls. That makes it more or less inevitable that at some time, one or both of them will catch chlamydia, or a venereal disease - or even HIV.

That means that you will get a sexually transmitted infection (STI), and STIs can easily affect your fertility. Sadly, those who sleep with a number of boys often end up sterile.

So you are taking a risk when you have sex with this boyfriend. And if you decide to go with his friend, you will increase that risk considerably. Maybe you should just tell these rich guys goodbye.


Erection fears

Q My fiancée and I are both virgins. We have only engaged in kissing and petting.

But now she has told me that next week, after her menses are over, I can have intercourse with her. Doc, I am scared that I will not be able to manage a good enough erection so that I can take her virginity.

A You must talk over your fears with her right away. As long as she knows you are scared, she can use her hands to make sure that you have a good enough erection. Please don't forget contraception.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com


DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I don't want oral sex to ruin my marriage

Published: Sunday | May 18, 2014 0 Comments


Q. Doctor, I am a newly married man and I am having a little trouble with my wife. I just cannot cope with her sexual demands. When I first met her, I thought that she was wonderful - and I still do, but things are not going too well in bed. Soon after we got married, I noticed that, although she enjoyed sex, she had difficulty having an orgasm - sometimes she did and sometimes she didn't.

One night, we talked it over, and she told me that the one thing that would make her orgasm without difficulty was cunnilingus. I had not had any experience with this, but I agreed to give it a try. Doctor, the effect was electric. She had multiple orgasms. So for a while, I was pleased, but now I am not so sure. I don't feel it is a very masculine thing to do. Also, I get stifled down there and find it difficult to breathe. Finally, I do not like the taste much. After doing it, I usually wash out my mouth before returning to have intercourse with her. This situation is causing a lot of friction between us and I hope it will not lead to a divorce.

A I hope not, too. It would be crazy to divorce over such a silly thing. Cunnilingus, which is the type of oral sex that is given to a woman, is not every one's cup of tea. Although many men are delighted to do it, others are repelled by the idea. I find that sometimes it is because their friends have told them that it is 'wrong' or 'effeminate'.

Also, there is the question of the taste and smell. Some men like the aroma and taste, but others do not. As it relates to the woman's viewpoint, the fact is that most experienced women like it being done to them - not all, but most. And as a technique for producing orgasm, it is amazingly effective.

I have seen cases where wives had been totally unable to have an orgasm, but suddenly started when their husbands performed oral sex on them. So it is understandable that your spouse wants you to do this for her. However, I think that the two of you should experiment with bringing her to orgasm in other ways. For instance, many wives respond extremely well to gentle stimulation on and around the clitoris with a fingertip. Or you could buy yourselves a vibrator.

However, it is likely that your wife will always like the idea of cunnilingus. So I really feel that you should make some effort to oblige her sometimes. One possibility is that you could use a thing called a dental dam. This is a very thin sheet of latex that you place across the opening of the vagina. You then do cunnilingus through it. People mainly use these things to cut down on the risk of sexual transmitted infections. But the dams also prevent the partner from actually tasting the vaginal juices.

You can buy them quite easily on the Internet. Alternatively, there is a brand available in Jamaica called the 'Sheer Glyde Dam', which is distributed by the Ministry of Health.

I do hope that you and your wife will be able to reach an amicable agreement over this matter. Can I finish by warning you that I have seen cases where a wife went astray and found herself a lover, simply because her husband would not give her oral sex?


Q Doc, I am a regular reader of your column. I would like to know if 'Sexovite Forte' can really enhance a man's sex drive. If so, how? And how should it be taken?

A Sexovite Forte, also known as 'Sexovit Forte', is the brand name of a vegetarian preparation which is said to contain vitamins, minerals, amino acids, ginkgo and ginseng. It is supposed to be for both men and women. In the United States, it has not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration as a medicine.

The publicity for Sexovite Forte says that it is "designed to increase sexual libido, desire, staying power, erection time and size". Frankly, I do not know of any medical preparation anywhere in the world which can do all that. And I have been unable to find any controlled trials of this product in any medical literature. However, people often report benefits from pills that they strongly believe in. If you want to try the product, the starting dose is usually one tablet a day.


Q I am 34 years old and unmarried. Although I enjoy sex, I have always taken care not to conceive. But, Doc, I am aware that the clock is ticking! How many years of fertility do I have left?


A Well, a woman's fertility starts to decline in her mid-30s. As you may be aware, births are uncommon over the age of 40, and rare over the age of 45. After age 50, conception of a child is almost unknown, except with the aid of fertility drugs. So if you really want to have a child, I think that you should seriously consider trying to conceive within three or four years. Good luck.


Q I have just been diagnosed with diabetes. Does this mean I will definitely lose my nature, Doc
?

A No, it doesn't. The incidence of erectile dysfunction (ED) in diabetic men is a bit higher than average. But many men who are diabetic remain potent until they are 70 or 80. Also, please bear in mind that if you do run into erectile difficulties, Viagra will usually solve the problem.


Q Can you please recommend a good vaginal lubricant, Doc? Sex with my boyfriend is getting uncomfortable.


A Sorry to hear about that. I do think you should check with your doctor, who can examine you and determine whether you are suffering from a lack of female hormones. That is easily treated these days, usually with vaginal hormone cream, or with HRT (hormone replacement therapy) tablets or patches. But if you just want a simple, helpful sex lubricant, then you can find K-Y Jelly or Astroglide at most pharmacies. And if you look on the Internet, you will find almost a million websites which are eager to sell you 'lubes' such as Eros, Pjur, Wet, Yes, and Sylk. I hope these work for you.


Q I have to take a circumcision operation, and the surgeon has told me that I must not have sex for two months afterwards! Is that really necessary, Doc?


A Yes. You will have stitches for several inches and it is important not to split that open. So please follow the surgeon's advice. However, you and your partner could go in for milder forms of sex play which don't open up the cut.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
Posted: Sunday, May 25, 2014 7:30:09 AM

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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - My first time was a big let-down


Published: Saturday | May 24, 2014 2 Comments


Q. Hi, Doc. I am a 19-year-old female studying science. I remained a virgin until this month, when I thought I might as well go ahead and take the plunge. I decided to give my virginity to another student. He is also 19, and he seemed pleased and excited when I told him I was going to let him have sex with me. He is a nice guy, and quite good-looking. I don't think he had much sexual experience. I had really built up my hopes for this, thinking it would be great. I had even been to the college doctor, and got her to put me on the Pill.

But, Doc, when the big moment arrived and he entered me, it was a complete fiasco! It was uncomfortable, and I felt no pleasure at all. The worst thing was that he climaxed within five seconds of getting inside me. So that was it. It was over almost before it had begun. And then he said that he could not go on, now that he had discharged. I was a little angry with him, but he maintained he could not help it.


So, Doc, could you give me some good advice? I have two questions:

1. Was it my fault that he orgasmed so soon?

2. Will sex always be as disappointing as this?


A. Sorry to hear that you have had such a poor introduction to sex. In fact, research has shown that a very large number of younger women say that their first experience of sexual intercourse was disappointing or painful - and that it was over far more quickly than they expected.

Turning to your two questions:

1. No, it was certainly not your fault that the guy climaxed so fast. This young man may well have the common condition called premature ejaculation (PE). That is a disorder in which a man cannot help getting far too excited, and then orgasming very early in the proceedings. Treatment of PE is possible, but it is time-consuming, and far from simple.

By the way, the young man was telling you the truth when he said that he could not go on. Generally, when men have climaxed, they lose their erections. They may actually be quite tender to the touch for a little while, and it is often an hour or so before they can regain enough stiffness to have intercourse.

2. You want to know if sex will always be as disappointing as this. The answer is no, it won't. Remember, you were both very inexperienced, and he may have been very nervous. When you have a regular partner who knows what he is doing, matters will be very different. He will be able to get you romantically aroused, and know how to give you orgasms. With luck, he will be able to last a good, long time. Indeed, there are some men who can happily go on for half an hour or more, depending on what the female partner wants.

Should you continue to see this poor young man who 'came' so very fast? I am a little doubtful about that. You did not say that you love him, or that he loves you. You just indicated that he is 'nice' and 'quite good-looking'. So perhaps it would be more sensible if you just waited until 'Mr Right' turns up in your life. I am sure that eventually, sex with him will be much better than it was on the night you lost your virginity.

Q. I am guy of 17 years. I was perfectly happy with my sex life until recently, when I read something alarming in a porn book, Doctor. It said that when a guy 'comes', he ought to be able to project his sperm a very long distance - like about 10 feet away from him! I saw a similar thing in a blue movie last year. Now, Doctor, I will tell you the truth about me: I do not shoot my sperm any great distance at all. In fact, it only goes around a few inches. Therefore, I would like to know, Doc, if I am abnormal? Will I be no good with women? Will they laugh at me? And will I be infertile?


A. Please quit all this fretting. This is just another example of how porn can hopelessly misinform young people, and give them false expectations about what their bodies are supposed to do. Fortunately, the famous American scientist Dr Alfred Kinsey did a lot of research into this question of just how far a man can expect to ejaculate. In summary, his findings were:

In three-quarters of men, the seminal fluid just drips out; But in some males (particularly younger ones), "the semen may be propelled from a matter of some inches to a foot or two". However, in rare cases, the fluid can be propelled as far as eight feet.

The other famous US sex researchers, Masters and Johnson, found that 'ejaculation distance' does not normally exceed one to two feet, and was usually a lot less. So you are normal and can forget all your worries.

Q. I am seriously thinking of going on the Pill because I have an active sex life. But how effective is it really, in percentage terms? I have heard people say that it only works 80 per cent of the time.


A No, that is quite wrong. Effectiveness rates for contraceptives are measured by calculating how many women would get pregnant during the course of a year while using them. This is called the failure rate.

In the case of the Pill, the failure rate for women who take the tablet exactly as prescribed is very tiny - about 0.3 per cent. What that means is that if 100 females take the Pill for about three years, only one of them would get pregnant. Obviously, that is a very low rate indeed.


However, there is one 'catch' here. In practice, many women do not use the Pill properly. They forget to take one or two tablets, or maybe start a pack too late. If you do that kind of thing, then the failure rate will certainly be higher. So you can see that it's important to take the Pill exactly as your doctor prescribes it.

Q. When I was in my mid-teens, I used to masturbate quite a lot. Doc, will this affect my future fertility?

A. Not at all, so you can quit fretting.

Q. Although I have never been pregnant, my doctor was willing to put a coil into my womb. The insertion hurt quite a lot, but now the pain has gone away. But what is puzzling me, Doc, is this. Ever since I had it fitted, my boyfriend has felt a 'tickling' sensation whenever we are having sex. Is this OK?

A. Yes. He is just feeling the little thread of the IUD (coil). If the thread causes discomfort during sex, your doc can shorten it with a pair of scissors. Do not attempt this yourself!

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com












Dear Doc: I orgasm when I breastfeed


Published: Sunday | May 25, 2014 0 Comments



Q: Doctor, I am 28 years old and a wife and mother. But I have to confess something so awful that I cannot believe it is happening. I feel like a very evil person.

A month ago, I gave birth to my first child - a baby boy. My husband and I were both delighted. Naturally, I decided to breastfeed, and I found this very easy.

But then the most terrible thing happened. One day when I was feeding the baby, I had an orgasm. I could not believe it, I thought maybe I had dreamt it.

But the next day, the same thing happened again. I was walking around the bedroom feeding the child, and suddenly, my whole body was racked with a sort of convulsion as I climaxed.

This terrible phenomenon has happened several times since then. I feel I must be the most perverted woman in the world. Am I crazy? And should I give up breastfeeding?

A: Please relax, and accept what I am going to tell you-you are not 'perverted' at all.

You see, what is happening to you has nothing to do with lustful thoughts about your child or anything like that. These orgasms are thought to be caused by a hormone which is produced during lactation.

In fact, the phenomenon of climaxing during breastfeeding is well known to medical science. It happens quite often, but is a very taboo subject and people rarely talk about it.

But if you type the words 'orgasm' and 'breastfeeding' into Google, you will immediately see that there are over six million results. You will also see that doctors theorise that these climaxes are due to the effects of two hormones- oxytocin and prolactin, which are involved in lactation and also in sexual function.

So the point is that these orgasms are not your fault! They are just something that happens (against their will) to quite a few women during lactation.

They have nothing to do with your baby, and there is no need for you to give up breastfeeding him. These spontaneous climaxes will cease after you have finished breastfeeding.


Q: Doctor, my wife has confessed to me that she has been with another woman. Apparently, this was a year ago, and the woman has now left the country, never to return (I hope). My wife does not know where she is, and they are not in contact.

At first, I was very angry, but we had some counselling, and that helped a lot. Now I have forgiven her and she says she loves me and I believe her.

I think we are going to be able to keep this marriage alive, which is a good thing because we have two children, ages eight and nine.

But what is worrying me is, could my wife have picked up some kind of venereal disease from that other woman or even HIV?

And if that has happened, could she now have given me the infection? We have sex regularly, about two-to-three times a week.



A: Can I congratulate you on showing such a spirit of forgiveness? I hope you will succeed in keeping this marriage going, especially as you have two young children.

Now, as it relates to sexually transmitted infections (STIs), they can be transmitted by 'lesbian' sexual activity. But those lesbian practices are actually less likely to transmit a VD than 'straight' sexual activity.

As for HIV, I have never seen a case in which one woman gave the virus to another, though transmission is technically possible.

Summing up, I think that the odds are against your wife having acquired a sexual disease from that other woman. But, and this is very important, there is one infection which is so common these days that anyone who has an illicit relationship (whether with a man or a woman) could pick it up. This is chlamydia. This bug has become almost epidemic throughout the Americas (including the Caribbean), Europe and much of Asia. There is so much of it around that I always advise anyone who has been 'cheating' to get tested for it just in case. The test is very simple, and is usually done on a urine specimen.

But you may think, 'if we had chlamydia, wouldn't we have symptoms?' No. One of the things about chlamydia is that, in the early stages, it often does not produce any symptoms at all. So a lot of people have it but do not know that it is lurking there, causing internal damage.

Summing up, I feel that you and your wife should both go to your doctor for a check-up and get tested for chlamydia. I hope the doctor is able to give you a 'clean bill of health'. However, even if either or both of you have chlamydia, it can easily be treated with antibiotics. Good luck.

Q: I am a 33-year-old man and I have had diabetes since I was 16 years old.

Recently, I have had a very sore foreskin. It is very painful, and it is making it almost impossible for me to have sex with my partner.

Please help.


A: When a man is diabetic, after years of urinating, his foreskin often becomes inflamed and cracked. Also, a fungus infection may develop, because the little fungi love sugar. So everything becomes very painful. It is not surprising that you can't have sex at the moment.

Sometimes, it is possible to improve the situation by using an anti-fungal cream several times a day, and that would be worth trying. But also, I think you should see a urologist (a surgeon who specialises in urinary matters). He will have a look at your foreskin and be able to advise you to take a circumcision operation.


Q: I am a woman who has a problem that no one else does, doc. I am very embarrassed to tell you this, but it concerns oral sex. You see, my husband loves to do it, and it has turned out to be the only certain way of making me climax. But the problem is that, after he is finished, he likes to kiss me while he has intercourse with me.

I just cannot stand the taste or odour of vagina on his lips! I am sorry to admit this, but it is an enormous problem for me.



A: You are certainly not alone in having this problem. A lot of women really dislike the taste and smell.

Now the first thing you must do is to discuss it with your husband. I hope he will understand your feelings and take the appropriate action. All he has to do is to keep a damp, soapy cloth by the bed. After he has performed oral sex on you, he should wipe his lips thoroughly with that - problem solved.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
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Doctor's Advice:Getting Naked Online

Published: Saturday | May 31, 2014 1 Comment

Doctor, I am female, age 16. I am rather lonely. I have never had sex, but for some time now, I have been corresponding by email with a 17-year-old guy in Canada. We have got very close, and he has become an important part of my life. I sent him my picture recently, and he said I have a beautiful face. In fact, he told me he thinks he loves me. Well, that is all good. But something else has happened this week. He has asked me to 'strip off' and let him see my breasts and also my private places. He says he would be so grateful. But I am not so sure, Doc. Part of me says that it would be OK, since this is a guy who loves me. But part of me is scared to do such a thing. What is your opinion, please?

A: My opinion is that you are being deceived. Sadly, I have seen several cases where teens were fooled by an online 'friend' into taking off their clothes and (eventually) to doing various indecent actions in front of a camera.

When this kind of thing happens, very often, the 'friend' is really a middle-aged or elderly man who likes to sexually exploit teenagers.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you have no proof at all that your new 'friend' really is a 17-year-old boy. My guess is that he may turn out to be some balding guy of 53 or so! Has he sent you a photo? If so, it may well have been of someone else.

These men usually behave in a particular way. They find a teenager who is lonely or who is short of friends. Then they start 'filling a gap' in her life by being extremely nice and friendly online. Soon, the girl becomes dependent on them.

After a while, they start getting the young female to do sexual things in front of a still camera or on Skype. And once the girl has done that, the naked images may end up anywhere on the Internet!

In some cases, the guy actually persuades the teenager to meet him. Rather unbelievably, it sometimes happens that at these meetings, the poor girl is so carried away by her emotions that she just accepts the fact that her 'young lover' is really a middle-aged man. There have been cases where the teen actually went to bed with the guy, even though she could see that he was 30 or 40 years older than she.

Of course, I may be totally wrong. Maybe there really is a 17-year-old boy in Canada who thinks your picture is lovely and who wants you to take your clothes off for him. But I do not think that is very likely.

By far the wisest thing would be to bring this email correspondence to an end and to get out and make some real friends - in the real world. If there is a wise, older person (like a counsellor, nurse, or pastor) in your area, it would be a good idea to seek further advice there. I wish you well.

Itchy genitals

I tried using a condom for the first time last week, Doc. It was with my regular girlfriend. But a couple of hours later, I found that my organ was badly swollen, tender and itchy! It has only just gone down. Was this an allergy?

A: Almost certainly. Like quite a few guys, you seem to be allergic to the latex (or perhaps to other chemicals) in ordinary condoms.

So I don't think you should use 'regular' condoms again. Fortunately, it is possible to buy 'lo-allergy' condoms in Jamaica. Sometimes pharmacies sell them as non-latex condoms.

If you can't find any in shops, then it's easy to buy them via the Internet. Just type in the words 'buy low-allergy condoms', and you will be offered around 26 million sites.

An easy alternative would be for your girlfriend to start using the female condom, which does not contain latex or the allergenic chemicals that often go with it.

Can the Pill kill my sex drive?

If I go on the Pill, will it turn me off sex, as I have heard, Doc?

A: That is most unlikely. A few females do lose their libido when they go on the Pill, but it has been a long time since I saw such a case. And if it happens, it is easy to switch the woman to another brand of Pill.

In reality, many females get much more sexually active on the Pill because they know that they don't have to fret about getting pregnant.

Way too quick

Doc, when I go with girls, I discharge much too quickly. Would that 'Jamaica stone' stuff help me?

A: Well, it might be worth a try. All I can tell you about it is that it is a herbal preparation, and, therefore, seems to be unlikely to cause side effects.

If you have premature ejaculation (PE), then it is not a good idea to sleep around. Promiscuous behaviour won't improve your condition. If you have a nice, long-term understanding girlfriend, then she could help you defeat this problem - especially if she uses the famous Masters-Johnson grip on you.

Another approach would be to try Long Love condoms, which contain a small amount of local anaesthetic. If they don't help, then you could see a doctor, and he could prescribe some useful medication.

Menstrual chaos

I was given the contraceptive injection a month ago, and since then, I have bled without ceasing. Help me, Doc!

A: Unfortunately, 'the shot' does often cause menstrual chaos. This bleeding may ease up soon.

But if it doesn't, then you should go to a doctor and ask him to give you some hormone pills to dry things up. You would probably need to stay on these for several weeks or months.

Cousin wants sex

I am a girl of 17, and my male cousin in the country (who is 20) has been pestering me for sex. Do you think this is a good idea, Doc?

A: Definitely not! If you get pregnant, there is a greatly increased chance that the child will be abnormal.

Multiple climax

Doctor, please answer a question that I dare not ask anyone else. Does it harm a guy if he has more than one climax in an evening?

A: No, it doesn't harm him at all, so you can cease fretting.

Should I discharge everytime?

Should a girl be able to discharge every time she has sex? My friends have told me that this is so, but I am not doing it.

A: Your friends are wrong. Many younger women take several years to learn how to orgasm, though others do not.

But an important fact which many young people do not realise is that intercourse alone will not generally cause a young woman to climax. Recent research has shown that most females need a good deal of clitoral stimulation if they are to reach an orgasm.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com,


DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Is My Boyfriend Gay?

Published: Sunday | June 1, 2014 1 Comment

Q. Doc, I am seriously considering marrying this man, but first I would like your medical opinion of him. I am 29 years old and, to be honest, I have had quite a bit of sexual experience. I have never been pregnant, but would like to start a family soon.

Six months ago, I met a very nice man. He is a 35-year-old lawyer who has been married and divorced twice. He does not have any children and he says he loves me and I like him a lot. When we eventually had sex, he was very attentive to my needs, and was very good at making me orgasm. Since then, he has been very keen on having sex with me very regularly. Last month, he asked me to marry him and I said 'perhaps'.

But a week or so ago, I was very surprised when he was telling me about various things that he had done. He quite casually described another well-known lawyer as 'my former boyfriend'. I thought maybe he was joking. However, I told a friend of mine about it and she said that a few years ago, she had been at some legal function and had seen him kissing another man in a corner of the room. So what am I to think, Doc? Is he sick or what?

A. No, I would not describe him as sick. But I think there has to be a high possibility that he is bisexual, or what is sometimes termed 'AC/DC'. I feel that it is possible that he was gently hinting this to you when he told you that he once had a 'boyfriend'. Maybe he wanted to break it to you slowly?

It is clear that he gets great sexual pleasure from having sex with you. But it is also fairly clear that he has been attracted to men. However, like quite a few men, he may have decided that that phase of his life is over now. But I am slightly concerned by the fact that he has already been divorced twice. Why? I think you need to ask him. Maybe his previous wives were unhappy with his AC/DC nature!

Now, I have known a few women who have married bisexual men. Sometimes, they have a successful marriage, but I think it was easy. Several of them had children by their AC/DC husbands. Don't let yourself be 'carried away' and marry this man simply because you want children. There are a lot of other men who you can have children with. However, I think you should give him a chance. Why not sit down with him and have a serious talk about where both of you are going? Tell him that you think he may be bisexual. And most importantly, ask him whether he would be totally faithful to you if you agreed to marry him.

Q Doc, I had genital warts around five years ago. They were successfully treated and I have not had sex since. Now I have met a wonderful, beautiful woman, and we are head over heels in love. Do you think it would be safe to have sex with her, bearing in mind that I have had not had any problems since 2009?

A Probably. But I think you should first talk things over with her and explain that you had genital warts. She might insist that you use condoms. You could also have a check-up by a doctor, but if you have any trace of it now, it would not be much for the doctor to see.

Q I have not had to use the 'emergency contraceptive' yet, but when I asked my doctor about it, she said that it would not be of any use to me because I am 'too big'. Is this possible?

A: I am afraid so. Recent research has shown that, in larger women, the 'dose' in the 'morning-after Pill' may not be enough. Scientists have found that, if a woman weighs more than 154 pounds, or has a Body Mass Index of over 26, the emergency contraceptive known as 'levonorgestrel' may not work. Levonorgestrel is the ingredient in the well-known brand called 'Postinor-2'.

However, there is another type of post-coital Pill, called 'ullipristal', which appears to work in larger women. Also, there is the alternative of having a 'post-coital coil' inserted. That will almost certainly work, no matter your weight.

Q. I was unfaithful to my wife on a recent business trip to New York. The woman in question was a high-powered businesswoman and I don't think she 'sleeps around'. But is there any chance I could have gotten AIDS through sleeping with her, Doc?

A. When you 'play away', there is always a chance of acquiring the HIV virus which causes AIDS. But, statistically, the odds are that you will be OK, even though there are quite a lot of HIV-infected individuals in New York. It is much more likely that you might have picked up another STI like gonorrhoea ('the clap') or chlamydia.

Did you wear a condom? That would reduce the risk. My advice to you now is to see a doctor who can have you tested. Ideally, you should not have sex with your wife until you have been told by the doctor that you are OK.
pawilsonjm
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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Will his 'man fluid' get me pregnant?

Published: Saturday | July 5, 2014 1 Comment

Will his 'man fluid' get me pregnant?

Q. Doctor, I am a girl of 17, and I am asking for your fatherly advice. I did not really have a father, and I was brought up by my mother. She died recently. Unfortunately, she did not tell me very much about sex. But there was one thing I do remember that she told me, and she stressed that it was the most important thing for me to know. It was this: She said to me that I must always remember that men produce a very dangerous white fluid. She told me that it could get me pregnant or give me a sexually transmitted infection. Well, I have always remembered what she said. So I decided that I would never, ever have full sex with a guy until I was married. And I have kept that vow, Doctor. I am still a virgin, though I know that some of my friends have had intercourse with boys. But the fact is that guys seem to like me and say that I am pretty. They ask me out, and sometimes I do go on dates. On these occasions, I make it absolutely clear to them that they are not going to have sexual intercourse with me! However, if I am feeling romantic and excited, I am willing to 'pet' them with my hands, and they are always grateful for that. My problem is that recently, I have realised that this activity does lead to some kind of expulsion of the fluid that my mother told me about, and this has made me fret a lot. Doc, I am aware that several times, I have got some stuff on my hands or even my thighs, though I have not been able to see it in the dark. Is there any danger that it could get me pregnant? And has it perhaps already given me an STI?

A: Sorry to hear that you have been fretting so much. You obviously know far less about sex than most young women of 17, and you urgently need to take steps to remedy that.

Your poor mother's advice was well-intended, and it was correct - as far as it went. The liquid that she warned you about is called semen or seminal fluid. It shoots out of men's penises whenever they orgasm. From what you say, I think you have brought several young guys to orgasm, so it is not surprising that you have felt some liquid on your skin.

This liquid is absolutely 'pack-full' of sperm (known as spermatozoa). Just one of these could get you pregnant. So it is very important that the stuff not get anywhere near your vagina.

In fact, from your description of what has been going on, it does not sound as though any of the 'man-fluid' has finished up in your vaginal area. So I think you need not worry that you might be pregnant.

As regards the subject of STIs, your mother was quite right in warning you that a girl can catch it from a guy's juices, but in order to cause such an infection, the juices have to get into the vagina - or sometimes the mouth or the anus.

Therefore, it sound like at the moment, you are, in the clear as far as an STI is concerned, and you can quit fretting.

But you are pursuing a very risky course in giving all these young men 'hand relief'. You will become known as a girl who provides that sort of 'service', and because of that, people will start to disrespect you. So I think you would be wise to stop now.

Finally, I urge you to have a series of talks with someone who can enlighten you about sex and its dangers. I get the impression that you attend some sort of educational establishment. Is there a female teacher or nurse there who could spend a few hours teaching you the facts of life? I do hope so.

My son shows no interest in girls

Q. I know you have dealings with young people, and I am writing to you because I am the father of a teenage boy - aged 16 and a half, in fact. To my astonishment, he is showing no interest in girls. He doesn't have 'pin up' photos. He doesn't look at pretty women on the Internet or want to see 'saucy' films. I just cannot understand this because at his age, I was crazy about women! To tell you the truth, Doc, I was a skirt-chaser. I had girlfriend after girlfriend. And one way or another, I must have orgasmed at least five times for the week. But my son shows no signs of anything like that. He is interested in books and in his studies, and to some extent, in sports. But that is it! He doesn't seem to want to go out with girls. You can probably guess what is in my mind, Doc. Do you think he is a homosexual?

A: What you have not realised is that people vary greatly in their sexual drive - particularly when they are in their teens. You were clearly a very highly sexed teenager. But if you look back, you will remember that there were quite a few guys of your age who were nowhere near as highly sexed as you, and who definitely were not skirt-chasers. I am sure that most of them grew up 'straight'.

Indeed, you have not the slightest evidence that your son is gay. He is clearly working hard at his studies and likes sports. At the moment, he has no time for girls. My bet is that when he gets a little older, he will start taking some interest in women and will get himself a girlfriend. But he is not like you were - and you must not try to make him like you. Leave the poor young guy alone, and let him develop at his own rate.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Unable to have sex since giving birth
Published: Sunday | September 7, 2014 0 Comments


Unable to have sex since giving birth

Q: Doctor, since I had my first baby last year, I have been completely unable to have sex with my husband, and he is getting desperate for satisfaction. I fear that his frustration could ruin our marriage. We used to have a great sex life together. But now that has all gone. It is like a nightmare. The problem is that, whenever we try to have intercourse, I feel the most intense pain. I think there must be some obstruction there, Doc, because my man just cannot get into me at all. I feel that something must have gone wrong with me during the delivery and caused this obstruction. I went to a doctor last week and she examined me internally. That also hurt me a lot. But when she looked inside with a special instrument, she said nothing 'physical' was wrong. But she found it real difficult to get the instrument inside. So I asked her why I was having all this pain. She said that I had something that sounded like 'vaginitis'.

Is that condition caused from childbirth? It was a real difficult delivery, and I had a lot of very bad pain. I screamed for hours. I never want to go through anything like that again. So, if there is nothing physically wrong with me, why am I getting all this pain when my husband tries to get inside me? And what is that 'vaginitis' thing?

A: I am sure that what the doctor diagnosed was NOT 'vaginitis' - which is inflammation of the vagina. Clearly, you do not have that, because she said that you have nothing 'physical' wrong with you. So what is amiss? Well, I am almost certain that what the doctor said to you was 'vaginismus'.

Vaginismus is a psychological condition. It is a disorder in which the woman's body goes into a sort of 'muscle contract' whenever any approach is made to her genitals. This is not her fault, and she cannot help it. Unfortunately, the muscular contraction is so great that it is almost impossible for a guy to penetrate the woman. It is also very difficult for any doctor to examine her. Very often, the poor woman believes that there is some 'obstruction' in her vagina. But there isn't. There is nothing physically wrong, which is what the doctor said to you. I suggest you find out more by checking out the website:vaginismus.com.

Most cases of vaginismus occur in young women who have grown up with sexual 'hang-ups'. Clearly, that is not the case with you, because you used to have a good sex life before you had the baby. So in my opinion, you belong to another group of patients who develop what is called 'secondary vaginismus' as a result of some very unpleasant and painful experience involving the vagina. For instance, secondary vaginismus can occur as a result of rape. But in your case, it seems likely that the intense pain which you suffered during childbirth has provoked this serious psychological reaction in you. Your subconscious mind is terrified of further agony, so it makes your vaginal muscles close down. It's also possible that the vaginismus is partly due to the fact that you never want to go through childbirth again. So your mind is probably saying: 'No way do I want to have sex, because that could make me pregnant!'

But I have some good news for you. Vaginismus can be treated. Indeed, on the Internet you can find quite a lot of stuff about women who have defeated it. Cure is not achieved through tablets or medication. Instead, it is reached by means of a special series of relaxation exercises. Some doctors also recommend the use of a set of 'vaginal dilators'. You put the smallest one inside you, and then gradually learn to cope with larger and larger ones.

You seem to have a pretty good doctor, so I suggest you go back to her and ask her about relaxation techniques which can cure your vaginismus. She may perhaps wish to send you to a gynaecologist or to a therapist.

Two final points:

1. Please talk to your husband about your problem and show him the website I have mentioned above;

2. When you are able to resume sex, please use reliable contraception so that you will not be fretting about becoming pregnant again.

Attracted to 'swinger' wife

Q: For many years, my wife and I have had a nice, comfortable arrangement with another married couple in Florida. We'd go and stay with them for a couple of weeks for holiday, and during that time, she would sleep with the guy every night, and I would sleep with his wife. No one else knows about this arrangement, and it works real well. We are all good friends. But a problem has arisen, Doc. During the holiday this spring, I found myself growing closer and closer to the American wife. And she seems to be feeling a curious attraction to me. In fact, sometimes I fear we are falling in love. They want to come and stay with us in Jamaica, probably before Christmas. I am really worried about this. Your advice, please?

A: These 'foursomes' are pretty dangerous. One of the biggest risks is that people start falling in love with the 'wrong' sex partner. Clearly, that is what is happening here. My advice to you is brutally frank. If you want to save your marriage, cut off all contact with your wife-swapping friends. Do not invite them to come and stay in Jamaica. Talk things over with your wife and invite her to go to marital counselling with you.

Can I use the coil?

Q: I am a woman who has always enjoyed a lot of sex with my boyfriend. So, clearly, I need some form of birth control. A friend who is a nurse and midwife has recommended to me that I use some new type of coil. She says it would also help my menses. More details please, Doc?

A: Your friend is talking about the Mirena device. This is a T-shaped version of 'the coil', which contains a small quantity of a female-type hormone. It would give you excellent protection against pregnancy, and after a few months, it would start controlling the menses very well.

Depression pills for stamina?

Q: Doc, a guy I play pool with has recently been taking pills for depression. He told me that those tablets had the curious effect of making him 'last longer' in bed. I wouldn't mind trying them! Would that be possible?

A: Some antidepressant drugs do have the effect of delaying orgasm - in both men and women. Indeed, sometimes they prevent orgasm altogether. If you really feel that you need to have your climaxes delayed, then I suggest you see a doctor. Some doctors do prescribe an antidepressant called 'Anafranil' (a.k.a clomipramine) for that purpose. The drug does have side effects, which the doctor will tell you about. Warning: Do not buy anti-depressants which are sold by guys in bars as 'last longer pills'.





Doctor's ADVICE:Escaping my stalker 'boyfriend'
Published: Saturday | September 6, 2014 1 Comment


Q: Doc, I am being pursued by a guy. I am a student, aged 18, and he is a couple of years older than me. We met at a dance six months ago, and he offered to walk me home afterwards. When we got back to my parents' front gate, we had a little kiss and cuddle, but that was all. I certainly did not want it to go any further. So I was amazed when next day he turned up at my house, and announced that he had come to take me out. I didn't really want to go, but I went along with him, just to be polite. When we parted, he kissed me again - and then said, 'See you tomorrow, darling.' This went on for several weeks. Everyday, he arrived and said he had come to see me. I did not want to be impolite, so I let him kiss and hug me quite a lot. My parents, who are rather snobbish, did not like him much, particularly when he started calling himself my 'boyfriend'. Soon, he began talking about 'When we are married ...' and stuff like that. I tried to explain to him that I had no intention of marrying him, but he just did not listen. Two months back, I decided that maybe he just wanted to have sex with me, and that he would go away. So one night, I let him take my clothes off and have intercourse with me. Frankly, I did not enjoy it very much, Doc. I suppose it was OK. I made the mistake of climaxing loudly, which unfortunately had the effect of making him feel that I thought he was wonderful. Next day, I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore. But he just paid me no mind. He regularly arrived at my place at inconvenient moments. And he kept on calling me, and sending me texts. My parents were starting to get mad at this. I made the crazy error of letting him have sex with me a couple more times, just to kind of placate him, but it was pretty awful. However, he thought it was 'awesome'. Then he began sending me bouquets of flowers at college. And he arranged for lots of presents to be delivered to my home. After that, I discovered that he was going around describing me as his fiancée! This was the last straw, doctor. I told him that this foolishness was all over. My father threatened him, and hinted that if he tried to come back on the premises, there might be an 'armed response'. But guess what? He just carried on. Every time I go into Kingston, I find that he is hiding behind buildings or cars, and jumping out at me! He throws his arms around me and kisses me, even though I do not respond. And now a friend tells me that he has been to a church and tried to book a date for our wedding, later this year! And apparently, he has been making enquiries about buying a bridal gown and a wedding cake. Please help me. What can I do? I am desperate.

A: Well, the first thing to say is that on no account should you have sex with him again. Indeed, do not let him hug you or kiss you. Next time he 'jumps out' on you, scream loudly for help.

As you probably realise, this guy is what they call a stalker. Stalkers are nearly always mentally disturbed. Some of them are actually psychotic - in other words, mad. They often think that fate has ordained that they should be 'eternally linked' with the targeted person. When the 'beloved' tells them to get lost, they just don't register what is being said to them.

Technically, it would be possible for your stalker to have psychiatric treatment. But the therapy would take a very long time. Also, there is not the slightest chance that he would agree to having it!

I think it is high time that you told the police about this guy. But there is a problem. He probably hasn't committed any actual criminal offence. So they may feel that nothing can be done at the moment. But at least they can open a file on the case, and (I hope) also to let him know that they are aware of what he is doing.

You too should make a file, in which you keep all letters and notes from him. It may prove useful later on. Also, I think that you and your parents should go to a good lawyer, and ask him or her to take on this case. It may eventually be necessary to get a legal injunction to forbid this crazy young man from coming anywhere near you.

Finally, I feel that your father and mother should see if they can send you abroad for a year or so. At all costs, make sure that no one gives this stalker your address or phone number!

Concerned about my sperm

Q: I am deeply concerned about my sperm, Doc. I am a guy aged 18. Sometimes I have three or more orgasms for an evening. But often, the last one produces no fluid at all. Is this serious, Doc?

A: No, it isn't. This is called a 'dry orgasm'. It is what normally happens when a guy has used up all the seminal fluid that is available that day. So quit fretting.

Night of passion

Q: Doctor, I am terrified that I might be with child. My doctor put me on the Pill this month. Six days after starting it, I allowed a handsome guy to take me to bed, and we had sex for several hours. I love him. Now my friend has told me that the Pill don't protect you for two weeks! So has my night of passion made me pregnant?

A: No. If you started the Pill on the day that your doctor told you - that is, on the first day of the menses - you would have been protected immediately.

Handjob transmission?

Q: I am 18, male, and sexually inexperienced, Doc. My father is American, and last month he took me to New York for the weekend. There was a party at his apartment. Somehow, I ended up having a 'handjob' from a beautiful older woman. Could this give me VD?

A: Most unlikely. It is very rare for purely manual contact to give anyone a sexually transmitted infection.

Bleeding troubles

Q: Two months ago, my mother encouraged me to have the contraceptive injection, because she was afraid that I would get pregnant by my boyfriend. But from I had the jab, I have bled every single day. Help!

A: Unfortunately, the commonest side effect of 'the shot' is 'menstrual chaos' - including heavy bleeding. And regrettably, once the jab is in, it is in! No one can take it out again.

However, the effect of the injection will start to wear off in a month's time. Until then, I suggest you use a hormone tablet, which a doctor can give you, to stop your bleeding.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com
pawilsonjm
Posted: Saturday, September 20, 2014 12:26:23 PM

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Doctor's ADVICE: Should I Send Him A Nude Photo?

Published: Saturday | September 20, 2014 0 Comments

Q. I am a girl in my late teens, Doc. Could you give me some advice?

I have a new boyfriend - the first I have ever had. He lives quite a long way from me.

Now I am writing to you because of what he has asked me to do. He wants me to take a close-up photo of my vagina - and then send the picture to his phone. I was shocked originally, but then I began to find the idea a little bit intriguing - especially as some of my friends have done the same thing with their partners.

My boyfriend says that in return, he will send me an intimate photo of himself, doing something sexy. I am not so sure about that, Doc!

To start with, I told him that I would not cooperate. But he said to me that if a girl really loved her guy, she would agree.

A. Well, that last statement of his is just foolishness. It is the sort of thing that young men have been saying to young women for generations - in order to get them to do something sexy which they are reluctant to take part in!

I don't know whether you love this guy, who is only your first boyfriend. But even if you do, that does not oblige you to go in for whatever sexual activity he wants.

Now let us turn to this business of exchanging intimate photos. This has suddenly become popular with young people throughout the world. Twenty years ago, hardly anyone would have done such a thing - especially as other folks would have seen the pictures during the 'developing and printing' process.

But the information technology revolution has changed all that. Nowadays, a girl can use her mobile phone to take a photo of her breasts or her vulva - and then send it to her boyfriend in an instant. This is commonly done through social-networking systems such as Snapchat.

I suppose I should say that medically this is a safe form of sexual activity. At least, it can't get you pregnant! And it cannot give you a sexually transmitted infection.

But there are certain problems. And those could cause you a lot of grief - especially when you move on to some future relationship - as you probably will in a year or two.

Let us consider what might happen to these pictures. It is often said that they can't cause any difficulties, because they are 'wiped' within about 10 seconds of being received. But anybody who is skilled in IT can 'capture' your intimate picture before it disappears from the screen.

So, there have been some instances in which a couple have broken up acrimoniously - and the guy has then put pictures of his ex-girlfriend's genitals on the Internet. This is called revenge pornography. It is a most unpleasant thing to happen - especially if your real name is attached to the photo!

If you find it difficult to believe that anyone would do that sort of thing, just type the two words 'Snapchat Leaked' into Google. The appalling results will give you a salutary warning.

An additional problem is that some unscrupulous people have managed to hack into the 'cloud' which store much of the world's Internet exchanges. As a result, several film stars have recently found that photos of their most intimate parts are now widely available on the Internet.

So while I don't want to spoil the relationship between this young guy and yourself, I do urge you to be cautious. To be brutally frank, he might be planning to do something nasty - like showing your picture to his friends. You have been warned.

Will masturbating harm me?

Q. As a guy of 16, I am in the habit of masturbating, Doc. As a result, I don't get out much. I always do it while watching a particular picture of a famous film actress on my screen.

I suppose I do this because I don't have a girlfriend. But medically speaking, will it cause me any harm?

A. Masturbation is completely harmless to the health. But regularly orgasming while watching the same picture of a famous lady carries one danger.

It is this. You can actually get what psychologists call fixated on that particular person.

That may not sound serious. But you could get to a situation where you cannot climax at all unless you are looking at the picture of that beautiful lady.

From what you say, I think you should certainly get out more, and meet more people. Try and encounter some real girls, and you will discover how interesting they are to talk with!

Questions about the Mini-Pill

Q. I understand that if I go on the Mini-Pill, I will have to take it every single day of the year. But Doc, how good is the protection that the Mini-Pill would give me?

A. If you really do manage to take it every single day, without missing any, then you will have a protection rate of around 99 per cent.

This means that if you took it for 100 years, you could expect to get pregnant only once! Those are actually pretty good odds.

But the odds would get much worse if you kept forgetting to take your Mini-Pills.

Common STDs

Q. I am a guy of nearly 20, and I must admit that I have a pretty active sex life with a lot of lovely ladies, in various parts of the island and beyond.

Doc, sometimes I do fret about catching sexual diseases. What are the ones which are most likely to hit a young guy like me?

A. Well, studies indicate that the commonest STIs are: chlamydia; gonorrhoea; candida; trichomonas; herpes; genital warts; and HIV. So take great care.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com


DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Can My Wife Learn How To Climax?
Published: Sunday | September 21, 2014 1 Comment

Q: Dear Doctor, could my wife learn to orgasm even though she has never previously done so? She is 29, and I am 28. We have been married for three years, and we plan to have children in the near future. I would describe our sex life as good - but the fact is that she has never, ever orgasmed in her life.

A: No, it is never too late to learn how to climax. Research has shown that many women first achieve an orgasm in their 30s, or even 40s. I have seen one or two women who have learnt the 'trick' while in their 50s.

The most positive aspect of your story is that you obviously want to help her achieve an orgasm, and that is good.

I would give you three pieces of advice:

1. When you are in bed, always try to create a loving and romantic atmosphere.
2. Learn how to stimulate her clitoris and the area close to it - because basically that is where most female orgasms arise.
3. Along with your wife, look at one of the useful websites which provide information about how to bring a woman to orgasm.

Q: I would appreciate some advice about my sex life and my menses. I am a divorcee in my mid-30s, and until recently, I had not had sex for many years (in fact, since my husband left me). But last month I met a very nice young man. He complimented me on my appearance and bought me a drink. I found him to be a 'fun guy'. Much to my surprise, he kissed me, which was very pleasant.

After a few days, we went further. To cut a long story short, Doc, I allowed him to have sex with me. It was very enjoyable, and I was pleased to have done it. But I decided that it would probably be best if the relationship did not go any further. So I have not seen him since then. A week ago, I realised that I have not seen my menses this month. Do you think there is any chance that this could be due to early menopause?

A: That seems most unlikely to me, especially as you seem to be only around 35. There are various possible causes for a missed period, but statistically the most likely cause is that you are pregnant.

Did it not occur to you that you might conceive a child by this nice young man? Anyway, the really important thing now is that you should do a pregnancy test right away. And if it transpires that you are expecting a baby, then I guess you should contact this young man immediately. Incidentally, I am not quite sure why you 'called time' on your relationship with him. Seems like there could perhaps be a good future in it.

Q: Doc, soon after my 30th birthday, I found that my erections were kind of 'waning'. I went to my doctor, and he gave me Viagra 50mg tablets. But, unfortunately, these have not worked at all. I went to bed with my girlfriend three times last week and I didn't manage to make it on any of those occasions. Help me, please!

A: Sorry to hear about this. I hope your doctor has checked you for various medical conditions which can cause 'loss of nature', such as diabetes (sugar). What you should do now is to switch to the higher dose of Viagra, which is 100 milligrams. That quite often works when the 50 milligrams strength hasn't.

Also, you should take care to swallow the tablet when you have a pretty empty stomach. A lot of men don't realise that taking Viagra on a full stomach makes it very difficult for the medication to get through. If these measures are not successful, ask your doctor to try you on one of the other erection-inducing tablets, which include Cialis and Levitra. If all else fails, I feel it would help you to get some counselling from a therapist who deals with sexual problems. There may be some sexual 'hang-up' which can cause you to partially lose your nature at the unusually young age of 30.

Q: Doc, does oral sex count as adultery? I love my husband, and hope to stay married to him for life. But while I was away at a university seminar three months ago, I met a handsome male lecturer. There was a beach barbecue at the end of the course, and somehow I found myself smooching in his arms. He persuaded me to go into the palm trees with him, and for a few seconds, I dropped to my knees on the sand and gave him oral sex. Then I realised what I was doing, and ran back to the BBQ. Was this adultery? And should I tell my husband?

A: By definition, adultery involves sexual intercourse - and fortunately you did not do that. However, for a wife to give fellatio to another man is very dangerous. I must say that it was very sensible of you to break off from that act and return to the BBQ. And I hope you will not be seeing this lecturer again.

As to whether you tell your husband, that is up to your conscience. But frankly, I feel that it would not be wise to do so. Men can react in a very emotional or even violent way when they are told that their wives have done such things. What I feel you should do is to talk with a pastor or counsellor, whom you could consult in complete confidence. Things cannot be totally perfect in your marriage if you went off into the trees to give a man 'oral'! So a period of counselling with a trusted person could be very helpful in preserving your marital unit.

Q: Is it true that breastfeeding gives a woman protection against pregnancy, Doc?

A: Yes, it does give you some protection against conception. But it has to be fairly intensive and daily breastfeeding - not just a little bit now and then. Generally speaking, breastfeeding affects a woman's hormones in such a way as to prevent the menses returning for a while. It should also prevent you from ovulating (that is, releasing 'ova' or eggs).

But in order to be totally safe, it is usually a good idea to take some other form of contraception as well. The Mini-Pill is a popular choice for new mothers who are breastfeeding. That is because of the fact that, unlike the 'ordinary' Pill, it does not stop the milk.

Q: I saw on the Internet that a male contraceptive injection would be available shortly. How soon could I use it, Doc?

A: So far, this jab - which is called 'Vasalgel' - has only been tested on monkeys and rabbits. I would be pleasantly surprised if it is available for men in the next five years.
pawilsonjm
Posted: Friday, October 31, 2014 11:44:11 AM

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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I Don't Like Oral Sex

Published: Saturday | October 25, 2014 0 Comments

Q I am a guy of 18, Doc, and last week I was given oral sex for the very first time. To my astonishment, I did not like it very much! The girl was quite upset by the fact that I asked her to stop. But it was paining me a little. Am I abnormal?

A: People tend to talk about fellatio (which means oral sex performed on a man) as a truly wonderful experience. But in actual fact, it is not everybody's cup of tea! You may be surprised to learn that a lot of girls do not like doing it. Some of them find that it makes them feel rather sick.

And as for guys ... well, many of them find that the sensations caused from the female's mouth are nowhere near as intense as those which are created by the vagina. Also, there is the question of the young lady's teeth. If they are sharp, then fellatio can be very painful for the male.

So you are not abnormal. And you have no need to fret. It may be that at some time in the future you will find a lady who is really skilled in fellatio, and who knows how to make it intensely pleasurable for you. But until then, you would be perfectly justified in giving it a miss.

Q: Please help me, Doc. I have a bad pain in the testicle, and I do not know what to do. I am embarrassed. I have a girlfriend who is a nurse, and she thinks I must have a sickness called 'EPI-something'. Because of that, she is refusing to go to bed with me. The trouble started around two weeks ago after I had been on a visit to Kingston. While I was there, I met a pretty girl in a bar. We got talking, and after a little while she took me home and we had sex. I think she must have been a sort of 'professional', Doc, because afterwards she asked me for money. And I gave her some. A few days later, I started to get an ache in my right testicle, or maybe next to it. It did not hurt much to begin with, but now it pains me a lot! I am finding it impossible to study. And I think it is getting worse. What is wrong with me, Doc?

A: I guess your nursing friend is probably right. And it is very wise of her to refuse to go to bed with you. Frankly, I am surprised that you can even consider sex while you have this amount of pain!

What the nurse has been telling you is that you probably have a condition called 'epididymitis'. (eppy-DID-ee-MIGHT-iss). Epididymitis is common in young men, especially if they have been sleeping around. It is an inflammation of a small part of the body called the epididymis, which is located right next to the testicle.

This inflammation is caused from germs. These germs enter the guy's penis during sex and find their way downwards through the piping until they reach the epididymis. There they set up an inflammation. This is intensely painful, as you have discovered. It also causes swelling of the scrotum.

The germs which create this painful inflammation are usually either chlamydia, or else the type that cause gonorrhoea ('the clap'). But other germs can do it too. What is certain is that you must get this infection treated right away. Otherwise, you could get sick - and you might become infertile (sterile).

If you go to a doc, he will examine you and confirm the diagnosis. He will give you a course of antibiotics, which you must complete. Be of good cheer: you will be cured. But you definitely must not have sex until the doctor tells you that it is safe to do so. Finally, I suppose you have no way of contacting the young lady who you encountered in the Corporate Area? Ideally, she should be told that she is probably carrying an infection - and needs treatment.

Q: I cannot understand why I have just started to get severe period pain at the age of 17. My menses started when I was 13, Doc, and during the past four years, I have had no trouble at all. But now I have intense pain every month, which stops me from working or studying. Why?

A: When teenage girls start to menstruate, they often have no pain at all. This is because they have not yet begun to ovulate - that is, release an ovum (egg) each month. But after a little while, they start ovulating. And from then on they may well get menstrual pain (which is called dysmenorrhoea).

Your case is unusual, in that you did not start getting bellyache until you reached 17. My guess is that between the ages of 13 and 17, you were probably not ovulating. Anyway, what you should do now is to consult a doctor and let her examine you internally. She will probably find that there is no physical disease present. And she will then give you medication that will take the pain away.

Q: My Doc wants me to take 'the Shot'. But how long does it last? And is it 100 per cent effective?

A: The Shot (the Jab) is indeed almost 100 per cent effective in protecting women against pregnancy. But its efficacy only lasts for about three months. So you would need to have the next injection within about 12 weeks after the first one. If you are late in getting the next 'shot', you could easily become pregnant.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com


Dear Doc: My Wife's Sex Games

Published: Sunday | October 26, 2014 0 Comments

My wife's sex games

Q. Doc, could you give me some information about Internet sex and its dangers? For some time now, my wife has been playing around on the Internet in the evenings and getting herself a little sexually excited.

I don't mind that too much, because it makes her more interested in sex with me. However, there has now been a new development. She has made email contact with another couple our own age, who lives around 60 miles away.

Apparently, she has exchanged some 'erotic' messages with them, and last night, it appears that the other woman actually orgasmed while 'talking' with my wife.

Now the three of them want me to join in. The idea is that my wife and I should 'talk' with both of them while we have sex.

But I am not so sure, Doc. Could we get ourselves into trouble this way?

A Yes, you definitely could! In my experience, this sort of activity usually leads to other things. In fact, there is a chance that, before long, your wife and this couple would want to exchange sexy photos or perhaps engage in sex over Skye.

From there, it would be a short step to meeting up for a sexual 'foursome', with all the dangers that this would entail. These dangers could include STIs, unwanted pregnancy and divorce.

My advice: don't have anything more to do with this Internet sex!

Contraception during menopause

Q. Doctor, my menses are getting less frequent, so I guess I will be reaching menopause soon. I am only 43.

How long do I have to continue with contraception?

A Experts say that if a woman reaches menopause before the age of 50, then she should continue with her contraception for another two years.

However, if she doesn't reach 'the change' until she is 50-plus, it is generally considered sufficient to use precautions for one year.

Feeling faint after Viagra

Q. I have been trying Viagra recently, and it works very well, Doc.

The only problem is that when I get out of bed after sex, I suddenly feel quite faint! In fact, last Tuesday I nearly passed out. What is going on?

A. Well, Viagra lowers the blood pressure, and in some ways, this is a very good thing. But if you stand up too suddenly after sex, your blood pressure may fall very low and not enough blood will get to your brain.

The result is that you feel peculiar and may even faint.

My advice: ask your doctor to prescribe you a lower dose of Viagra. And after you have had sex, do not jump out of bed too quickly!

Will my husband find out I cheated?

Q. While my husband was away working in Trelawny this week, I found myself in bed with one of his friends. I just do not know how this happened, Doc, and I know it was wrong. I'm afraid I got carried away by the fact that he is a very attractive man.

But what I would like to ask you is if there is any way that my husband could find out that I had sex with this other man?

A. Only if his friend tells him which seems unlikely. But if you mean 'Are there any physical changes in the body which could provide evidence of adultery?' then the answer is 'No'.

I am concerned that you so readily had sex with another man. This seems to suggest that maybe your marriage is not in a very good shape. So I urge you to go and have a confidential talk with a marriage counsellor.

Squeaky female condom

Q. Last month, my wife decided that she would like to try the 'female condom'.

It has been OK, and while using it, we have both enjoyed sex. But the device makes a loud squeaky sound whenever I thrust into her. I find this off-putting!

Is there anything we could do about it?

A. The original design of the female condom, which is manufactured from polyurethane, is notorious for making a sound. As you say, it tends to occur every time the man pushes forward.

But there is now a newer version which does not make this noise. It is made of latex and not polyurethane. It is known as 'FC2' - meaning 'female condom, second generation'.

You can probably get it from a pharmacy near you. But if they don't stock it, then you can easily purchase it via the Internet. Just type in the words 'Buy female condom FC2'.

How do they get the IUD in?

Q. I am a woman who really knows nothing about sex. My fiancé has suggested that I get one of those IUD or coil things put in, so that we can enjoy intercourse together.

But I have absolutely no idea of how they are inserted, Doctor! Does a gyno make a cut in the stomach, and put it in through there?

A. No, that's not what happens at all. It is all done via the vagina. There is no 'cutting' involved.

You see, the coil is about the length of a matchstick. In width, it measures about an inch or so. But, before insertion, it can be 'straightened out' into a very narrow thing like a drinking straw.

So what the doctor (or nurse) does is to ask you to lie on an examination couch. She then puts an instrument called a 'speculum' into the vagina, thus letting her see your cervix.

After that, she takes the 'drinking straw' and pushes it through the cervix and into the womb. At that point, she pushes the IUD out of the drinking straw, so that it expands to its original shape, and takes up its correct position inside your womb.

This is not exactly pain-free, especially if you have never had a child. But most women think it is well worth having the device inserted.

Obsessed with my wife's best friend

Q. Doc, I seem to be getting obsessed with my wife's best friend. Whenever I am having sex with my wife, I find that I am thinking about her friend and how beautiful she would look when naked.

Is there any medication I could take for this serious obsession?

A. No, there is no medication you could take. But you must do something about this situation before it gets worse!

Psychologists say that if a man keeps thinking about someone just before he climaxes, then that person's image will get 'imprinted' on his mind. The result may be that he soon finds that he cannot orgasm at all unless he thinks about this woman.

So you have got to change things right away. A method developed by behavioural psychologists is for you to decide that, from now on, you will always think about some other image, preferably involving your wife, just before you climax.

Please don't always think about the same image - because if you do, then you could get 'fixated' on this new fantasy
pawilsonjm
Posted: Monday, December 1, 2014 12:34:22 PM

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Doctor's ADVICE: Can A Female Rape A Male?

Published: Saturday | November 1, 2014 0 Comments

Q. Doc, is it possible for a female to rape a male? I feel that I have been raped by an older woman. I am a guy aged 18, living in Clarendon. My parents know a lady around their age who lives not too far away, and who has been giving me help with math and English. I've got to admit that she is still attractive - although being so old - but she is not the sort of female I would 'go for'. She is generally kind and nice, except when she gets mad at me. The last time I went there for revision, she showed a very different side to her temperament. Halfway through the lesson, she told me where I was getting hot and sweaty, and she insisted that I go and take a shower. I did what she said. But Doc, while I was in her bathroom drying myself, she suddenly came storming through the door. Pushed me back against the wall. I forgot to mention that she is quite a bit taller and stronger than me. She was just wearing a dressing gown. Well, I did not know what she wanted. But she grabbed my private part and began to rub it very fast. Even though I wanted her to go away and leave me alone, I got an erection. I could not help it. That seemed to drive her wild. She kind of climbed up on me, and forced my organ inside her. She seemed to have been rubbing her pubic area very fast. For the next few minutes, she went to-and-fro on me, until I guess she was satisfied. Doc, I did not discharge. In fact, I was glad when she had finished, and let me go. I put my clothes on, and left as quickly as I could. When I got home, I washed my body thoroughly to get myself clean. That's about it, Doc. I suppose she raped me, and now I don't know what to do, or who to talk to. I feel so guilty.

A: Sorry to hear about this. At the very least, this was a serious sexual assault on a young guy. Unfortunately, you would have some trouble trying to prove that it really happened.

I guess this lady is one of small group of mature females who get their 'kicks' from seducing very young men. What is unusual here is the amount of force which was used. In fact, it sounds like she could easily have injured you.

I am quite sure that you have no need to feel guilty. You were not the instigator of what happened. And by your account, you did virtually nothing during those few minutes of sex.

No one could blame you for getting an erection. It is a well-known fact that if the penis of an 18-year-old male is stimulated by anything at all, it is almost impossible for him to prevent it from getting hard.

I think you did quite right to have a good wash when you got home - though it is most likely that this could stop you getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). So if you develop any symptoms (like pain in passing urine, or a discharge), you must see a doctor right away. It is not impossible that this strange lady has given you an STI.

What should you do now? I think you should tell your parents, if you feel you could do so. If you cannot, then I suggest you talk with your local minister of religion, or perhaps a youth counsellor. They will help you decide whether to call in the police.

Try to be as calm as you can. Remember: what happened was not your fault. And please: no more 'classes' with this lady!

Q: I am a female, and almost 20. Doc, the biggest worry in my life is that I have never orgasmed during sex. So far, I have tried with a total of six guys over the last few years. I have not climaxed while having intercourse with any of them. The strange thing is that I can do it on my own - whenever I masturbate. So what is wrong with me? And should I kind of 'keep going' until I find a guy who can make me 'come'?

A: Please don't go any further down that road! Your problem is that like a lot of young people, you have the totally mistaken belief that sexual intercourse alone is supposed to make a woman climax.

The fact is that most of the time, it does not. Researchers in the United States have found that the majority of females cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. They need stimulation of the clitoris to make them discharge.

Unfortunately, quite a few young women do what you have done. They go to bed with guy after guy - hoping that the next penis will be the one that makes them orgasm. Alas, this quest is destined to failure.

I hope that you will eventually meet a partner who understands the fairly simple techniques which are needed in order to help a lady to climax. But I beg you not to go on having intercourse with guy after guy in a fruitless search for orgasm.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com


DOCTOR'S ADVICE - My Fiancé Wants To Know My Sexual Past

Published: Sunday | November 2, 2014 0 Comments

Q: Hello, Doc. I am a 28-year-old female and I plan to get married soon after Christmas, but I am having a little trouble with my fiancé on the 'sex front'. Don't get me wrong, Doctor. We have a wonderful time in bed, and he gives me immense sexual pleasure, and I think I please him as well.

The problem is the question of my sexual past. From the moment we got engaged, he has been asking me to tell him all about my past sexual experiences. He says that this is because he thinks engaged couples should be totally frank with each other. Also, I am aware that any mention of my sexual past seems to turn him on.

But I am not interested in telling him all that stuff. To be honest, I led a pretty wild sex life between the ages of 18 and 25 and I don't want to be reminded of it. After that, I became reformed, and I have not been with anyone else for around two years. But I don't want to talk about my sexual history as I am very ashamed about some of the things that happened - like the night two boys took turns with me. I am lucky that I did not get any infection. But one time I did get pregnant - though soon after, I had a miscarriage. My fiancé does not know that.

As it relates to his sexual history, he is eager to tell me all about that when we are in bed. He thinks it will turn me on, but I am not so sure. So what should I do, Doctor? Am I abnormal in not wanting to tell my fiancé about my sexual past?

A: Well, I have noticed that in recent years, there has been a tendency for people who get married or engaged to kind of 'make a clean break' with their past. Very often, they tell their partner about all the sexual affairs they have had.

So there is nothing particularly unusual in your fiancé's behaviour when he asks you who you have slept with. And presumably you have told him something, and certainly, he seems to have been turned on when you told him. But the fact is that, even though you are engaged, you are entitled to your privacy. You don't have to tell him about all the men you have had sex with. And you don't have to listen as he tells you about his past conquests.

However, I can see this disagreement flaring up into something much more serious over the years, unless you do something to calm things down - preferably right now. The first thing to do is sit down and talk with him, while the two of you are in a non-sexual situation. Explain to him that you don't want to speak about your past and that you really don't want to listen to accounts of his sexual activities.

If he won't accept that, then my advice is to go and see a marriage counsellor. Ideally, you should take him with you. She will be able to tell you whether this problem is solvable. And if it isn't - well you may have to rethink your marriage plans. One final point. You mentioned that you had a miscarriage and this is quite an important part of your medical history. There is perhaps a case for making sure that your future husband knows about it.

Q: Doc, my wife got a minor bullet wound in the stomach last week. Fortunately, she is OK. But we have heard stories that a bullet in the lower abdomen region can make a woman pregnant. Is this true?

A: That extraordinary tale goes back to the days of the US Civil War. An American gynaecologist published the story in a medical journal. He claimed that a stray bullet passed through a young lieutenant's testicle, and then hit that soldier's girlfriend in the belly. Allegedly, it carried some of his sperms on it - and one of them made her pregnant.

Frankly, I think this was all nonsense. For starters, sperms could not possibly survive on a speeding bullet. My guess is that the young couple made it all up - in order to conceal the fact that they had been having sex. Anyway, I do not think there is the slightest chance that a bullet can make your wife pregnant.

Q: Although I am married, I must confess to you, Doc, that I have an occasional lover in Portland. He always uses a condom. But last Monday, the condom came off in the middle of sex, and we could not find it afterwards. So I suppose it must still be inside me. What should I do?

A: If this condom really is still inside you, then it has to be removed. A condom which is left inside the vagina can cause an infection and an unpleasant discharge. So please go and see a doctor who will examine you. And if the condom is still there, she will be able to take it out for you. Do not delay. The other thing I must point out is that, if a condom fell off during sex, there has to be a chance of pregnancy occurring. It is now too late for you to take the post-coital pill. So you will just have to wait and see if your menses arrive.

Q: I was away from the island on business last month. When I came back, my fiancée told me that she was pregnant. I was a little suspicious, so I checked with my diary and my girlfriend's diary. She does not know I have done this. Well, seems like we had sex on the night before I went abroad, and her menses finished exactly a week before that. So am I the father - or not?

A: From the dates you gave me, I would say that it is very likely that you had intercourse with her around the same time she was ovulating (that is, releasing an egg). So the odds are that you are indeed the father.

Q: My doctor thinks that I run a slight risk of thrombosis. So he won't prescribe the Pill for me anymore. Doctor, which would be better for me to use: the Mini-Pill or the skin patch?

A: If you really are at increased risk of thrombosis (clotting), then you should not use the patch (also known as Evra). This is because it's very much like the Pill, but in the form of a sticker on the skin. But because the Mini-Pill contains no oestrogen, the risks of thrombosis are less. But please bear in mind that there are a lot of other methods - like the coil.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com
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