JamPersonals.com

Published: Sunday | December 22, 2013 1 Comment

Doc, during my 20s, I did not have much sex except during a brief and disastrous marriage. But now, at the age of 30, I have met a wonderful man and sex is marvellous! I never knew it could be so good.

We plan to get married early next year, and I hope we will have children. But because of my job, I do not want to have a baby for maybe two years.

The problem is that, at the moment, we are having sex around four to five times for the week, but I do not really know anything about contraception, and neither does he. So we are relying on a mixture of 'rhythm' and 'withdrawal'.

Therefore, my question to you is, what is the best contraceptive method for a woman in my situation to use in order to get us through the next two years?

A: First of all, the current method you are using will result in pregnancy quite soon - especially as you are having sex so often.

Now people often ask me which is the 'best' method of contraception. In fact, there is no single 'best' method for everyone. The important thing is to find the one that best suits you (and your partner).

So here are some very good methods. The failure rate for these (i e the accidental pregnancy rate) are pretty low.

The Pill. This should be fairly safe for you to use, provided you have no 'risk factors' like smoking.

The male condom. Used by millions worldwide, provided it is aesthetically acceptable to you both, it could be a good choice.

The female condom (Femidom). A very acceptable alternative to the male condom, but tends to make 'crankily' noises. The outer ring of the Femidom tends to press on the clitoris, which some women appreciate.

The Mini-Pill. Milder than the Pill, because it contains only one hormone instead of two. You have to remember to take it at about the same time every day.

The Coil (IUD). Very effective, but does tend to make your cycle heavier and possibly more painful.

The Jab (the Shot). Extremely effective, but it can affect your cycle with excessive bleeding or missed periods.

The Patch (Evra). The skin patch is also very effective, but has the same sort of side effects as the Pill.

The Implant (Jadelle). Placed under the skin of the upper arm, it works very well. But when you want to have it removed, you must find a doctor who is skilled in removing it.

I am a 28-year-old man and I am still a virgin. However, I intend to put that right in 2014.

But an American friend told me that it is a good idea for a man in my position to get circumcised before attempting sex for the very first time. Is that true, doc?

A: No, it isn't. Some Americans are quite irrationally in favour of circumcision, so don't listen to your friend.

There is absolutely no reason why you should get circumcised before having your first sexual experience.

Our doctor wants to insert some kind of special coil, called a Mirena, to help my heavy periods.

But would it work, Doc?

A: It should. Mirena is like the ordinary contraceptive coil in structure, but it contains a 'reservoir' of a hormone. This spreads into the womb and helps to reduce the menstrual blood flow.

Possible side effects (which are not common), include headache, migraine, and back pain.

My husband tells me that a few months ago, he picked up gonorrhoea while away on a business trip. This has been quite a shock!

He says that I should now have tests from a doctor. But is that really necessary? After all, I have no symptoms.

A: What many people do not realise is that when a woman contracts gonorrhoea ('the clap'), there are usually no symptoms. So most women get infected but does not realise that they have the disease. It may be years before they start getting any pain. It can sometimes make them infertile.

If your husband had sex with you after he had contracted it, the probability is that you may have contracted the virus from him.

Therefore, it is absolutely essential that you go to a doctor or a clinic where they can do tests, and then give you treatment. Please do not have sex till both you and your husband have been pronounced 'completely cured'.

It will not be easy to rebuild your marriage after this unfortunate occurrence, but I wish you luck in doing so.

I am a 36-year-old man and I feel that my virility has faded in the last few years.

Would it help me to go on testosterone?

A: Well, there is a slow decline in men's testosterone output from their teenage years as they get older. I think it is unlikely that your present testosterone levels are low, considering that you are only 36.

But it would not harm you to have your testosterone level checked if you can afford it. Please do not start taking testosterone unless you have had a test result that definitely shows your levels are low.

I was unfaithful to my husband in October. It happened just once and I can assure you it will not occur again!

However, I am now pregnant. Naturally, I am worried about whether this baby is my husband's or my one-night lover's.

I did have a period at the beginning of October.

A: Well, if you are right about that and you did have your cycle after your 'fling', then it is virtually certain that this baby is your husband's. So I do not think you have any reason to worry.

My wife's vagina has definitely increased in size after the birth of our third baby.

Would it be possible for her to take an operation to tighten up, Doc?

A: Yes, it would, if your wife genuinely wants to do that. Pelvic floor exercises (carried out over six months or so) would also help.

This is a common problem among women who have had children. As a temporary measure, I recommend having a small vibrator in the vagina during lovemaking. That makes everything feel much tighter for both partners.

DOCTOR'S ADVICE: He is gay - Should I marry him?

Published: Sunday | December 29, 2013 7 Comments

Q. Doc, I am 35 years old, and I thought I was on the shelf. But now I have received a proposal of marriage from a man. But I am well aware that he is 'gay', though he is a very nice man and we get along very well. Would I be mad to accept?

A: Homosexual men quite often marry women in order to appear 'respectable' and as a sort of cover. In these cases, they often refer to the women as 'a beard', because she gives the man a kind of disguise. Perhaps, surprisingly, a lot of these marriages work out pretty well, especially where the two are very fond of each other. Often, the women accepts that there will probably be no sex. Before deciding to go ahead, you should try to establish whether this man might look for sex elsewhere, or whether he would be truly faithful to you.

Q. Doc, does diabetes cause sexual problems? I have just been diagnosed with it, and I am worried about what this could do to my sex life.I am a 32-year-old woman, and to be frank, I have a pretty active sex life. I've have had half a dozen partners over the years, and now I have a 'regular' man and I hope to marry him when his divorce comes through.

We have sex about two to three times for the week, and he has told me that he thinks I am 'the greatest' in bed. He says he has never met a woman as passionate as I am, and he is also pleasantly surprised by the fact that I can easily orgasm five times for the night, if we have the time. But my recent diagnosis has me alarmed. I have heard that it can affect your sex life so I am worried. What do you think my chances are, Doc?

A: Sorry to hear that you are so worried. People have said some pretty alarming things about diabetes and its effects on one's sex life. But the reality is, it's not as bad as you think.

As it relates to men, there is a higher incidence of erectile dysfunction (ED - formerly called 'impotence'). However, it is certainly not inevitable that a diabetic man will lose his nature. Men who have their diabetes under control will remain fully active and potent in bed. Most diabetic men who have potency problems can be successfully treated with medications such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

As it relates to diabetic women, the position is not quite so clear. The reason is that not a lot medical research has been done on its effects on women. However, the general view among diabetic experts is that diabetic women are a little more likely to have problems in bed. Among the difficulties which have been reported by diabetic women are:

Recurrent attacks of yeast infections
Dryness in the vagina;
Reduced sex drive.

The best defence against encountering these problems is to make sure that your diabetes is as well-controlled as possible. Stick to a strict diet, and take your medication (pills/injections) regularly and check your blood sugar level as often as your doctor advises. And if you do have any problems, seek medical advice right away. My forecast is that your sex life with your new man will be able to continue just as it did before!

Q. Doc, I have had a lot of women, and I do mean a lot. Is there any danger I might have chlamydia?

A: There is certainly a chance that you have chlamydia. And if you do, then it might hurt you and your future partner. So I would advise that you see a doctor as soon as possible to test a sample of your urine for the virus. I would also give the same advice to any woman whom you have slept.

Q. I am a woman who would like your advice on a difficult matter. Several years ago, I was unfaithful to my husband - just once. I went to see a doctor who did some tests and treated me. But what concerns me is, would he have written down the fact that I committed adultery? And if it is there in my medical records, could anyone else get to see it? I have been lying awake at nights worrying about this, so please help me.

A: Please stop worrying, everything will be ok. Doctors (like priests) often receive confessions of adultery, but they are absolutely forbidden from revealing such information to anyone else.

In the case of adultery, it is very common for doctors to 'leave out' that particular bit of information in your records. I myself have never written the word 'adultery' in anyone's record - though I may write a codeword that no one else would understand. So I think it is almost impossible that anyone would find out that you consulted the doctor as a result of an adulterous affair. I do hope that since then you have successfully mended your marriage.

Q. Doc, I had a baby six months ago, and had to have stitches immediately after. My husband and I have been having sex again for some time. But there has been acute pain whenever he touches the spot where the stitches were. This is ruining our sex life. Help!

A: Something has definitely gone wrong with the stitching. You may have a little raw spot or you could have a tiny abscess (that is, a collection of pus) at the point where one of the stitches went in. I am sure that this problem can be cured. But you must see a doctor who can examine you and decide exactly what has gone wrong with those stitches. Good luck.

Q. My wife had an affair with a much younger man, but fortunately that is over now. But I am tortured by the idea that maybe he was more virile than I am. I have a secret way of knowing that this young man produced a great deal of sexual fluid, and I only produce about a teaspoon. Am I abnormal, doc?

A: No, you are not. The average man produces much less than many persons think - only about a teaspoonful. In any case, women are not usually all that interested in how much sexual fluid a man produces during orgasm. So don't worry just concentrate on giving your wife a good time in bed, and keeping your marriage going.

Q. Doctor, I have done a real unwise thing. I have taken my husband's Viagra. I am 32, and have been married for around three years. To be honest with you, things are not going very well with this marriage. We have been having a lot of arguments recently. In fact, there has been trouble almost every night.

And in the last few months, I seem to have lost all interest in sex with my husband. He is aware of this, and it really makes him mad! He says that it must mean I don't love him any more. He is older than me, and has been taking Viagra for some years. It seems to work real well for him.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling so desperate about my lack of desire that I decided to take one of his Viagra. I did not tell him this. I just 'helped myself' from his bedside cupboard. On that first day, I thought that maybe the Viagra had done some good. Certainly, when he came home in the evening I was ready to give him what he wanted. I got quite excited, and I discharged for the first time in some weeks.

But since then, Doc, I have taken around 10 more Viagra, and I regret to say that they have not really helped me at all. I still don't want to have sex with my husband. And what is concerning me now is this. Have I harmed by health by taking these Viagra pills? On checking out the leaflet in the pack, I can see now that it says 'NOT FOR WOMEN'. Have I damaged myself? And what should I do about my lack of desire?

A: There is no need to fret about your health. Although you are a woman, it is most unlikely that the Viagra tablets have done you any harm. But unfortunately, Viagra just does not usually work in females. A lot of research has been done on this, and the results are really disappointing. In most clinical trials, all that Viagra seems to do in women is to increase the amount of vaginal lubrication for some hours. There are a few ladies for whom that extra lubrication is helpful. But alas, for most women, Viagra is just a waste of time.

So my advice to you is NOT to take any more of your husband's Viagra. Instead, you really need to address the REASONS why you have lost your desire for your husband.

Although I cannot tell you what those reasons are, it seems to me that it is quite likely that your recent lack of libido may well be because of all the fusses and trouble you have had with him in the last year. You say that you have had 'arguments almost every night', and I assure you that this kind of thing definitely tends to reduce a woman's desire for her man. So I think that you should have a frank talk with your husband and ask him to come to some kind of counselling with you. If you can find a good marriage counsellor, that would be great. Other possibilities include any wise and experienced person such as a pastor.

To be brutally honest, I suspect that the future for your marriage is not too wonderful. But it may be possible to save it, IF the two of you take action now. And if the pair of you can manage to stop having arguments and trouble, there is a reasonable chance that your sexual desire for your man may return. Good luck.

Q. Doc, I am a successful businessman and entrepreneur, age 31. When I was a teenager, I somehow caught 'the clap'. I was treated, but I cannot remember too much about the details. Anyway, now I have found a beautiful woman and am trying to persuade her to marry me. But my problem is this. Can I be sure that 'the clap' has not damaged me permanently? I have heard that this infection can have long-term effects.

A: It can indeed. 'The clap' is the popular name for gonorrhoea: an infection which in the early stages gives a guy painful urination, plus a discharge from the penis. It can be cured with a course of the right antibiotic. But, as you suggest, it can come back many years later to cause trouble. However, that is only likely to happen if it was inadequately treated - for instance, if the guy did not complete the full course of antibiotics.

What sort of 'troubles' can it cause? I'm talking about infertility, painful inflammation of the testicular area, and narrowing of the urinary pipe. Fortunately, none of this has happened to you, so far. It may well be that you were adequately treated when you were a teenager, but you cannot remember too well. Therefore, the best course for you now would be to go to a doctor who can check out your sex organs and send samples to the lab for testing. Probably he will be able tell you that you are OK.

Q. I am a businesswoman living near Montego Bay. Two weeks ago, I unwisely had sex with a foreign tourist who I met in a stylish restaurant. It was fun, but next morning, my best friend told me that she thought he was bisexual. So what I am thinking about, doctor, is AIDS. Could he possibly have had the HIV virus? I have always understood that HIV cannot be transmitted by 'straight' vaginal sex. But am I right?

A: No, I am afraid that you are wrong. A lot of people have this idea that ordinary vaginal sex between a man and a woman cannot transmit HIV. But that is just foolishness. A lot of people catch HIV from vaginal sex these days.

Looking on the bright side, you don't really have any reason for thinking that this foreign guy is bisexual. Your best friend thinks he is, but that's not much to go on. And there's absolutely no evidence that he has HIV.

Nevertheless, in order to calm your fears I think you should see a doctor soon. She will advise you about whether you need a blood test.

Q. I see where you have mentioned that 'female condom' thing. I would like to try it, doc. But what exactly is it?

A: Well, it is just a carefully designed little bag (made of polyurethane or synthetic nitrile) which you put into your vagina, immediately before sex. It is rather like those plastic 'sacs' that they line waste-paper baskets with, only smaller. You push the 'closed' end of the bag as far in as you can. And the 'rim' of the bag stays just outside the opening of the vagina. Most important: make sure that your man points his organ into the bag. It is vital that he does not 'miss' it and go outside the condom.

DOCTOR'S ADVICE - We love to kiss

Published: Saturday | January 18, 2014 0 Comments

We love to kiss

Q. Hi, Doc. We are a young couple (18 and 19 years old) and we are very much in love. Both of us have found that we had no idea of how powerful our sexual feelings would be. In short, it is very difficult to control ourselves. Whenever we are alone, we just want to kiss and kiss and kiss and then tear each other's clothes off. We have not quite 'gone all the way' yet, but we are having a problem controlling these powerful feelings. No one told us it would be like this! So what can we do, Doc? Are there any pills that we could get from a doctor to kind of 'damp down' our desires?

A: You certainly have my sympathy. Many teenagers, both male and female, are quite astounded by the power of the sexual feelings that sweep over them. And it is worse when you are in love - as you two seem to be!

Alas, many teenagers are quite unprepared for the power of these feelings! Parents should take care to warn their sons and daughters about the strength of the emotions that are liable to affect them in their teens and also in their 20s. Unfortunately, there is no safe medication that a young person can take in order to damp down his or her sexual drives. So there isn't any point in going to a doctor and asking for tablets.

Well, what can you do? If I have understood you correctly, you are both virgins - so far. I think you should try and keep it that way for as long as you can. That will save you a lot of worry! Practical things that you can try include the following:

When you see each other, try to be with other people rather than alone. Obviously, this reduces the chances of being tempted into sex.
If you're going out on a date, try not to wear the sort of clothing that is easily 'whipped off'. That may seem a simple point, but it is amazing how often a barrier of clothing can save a girl's virginity!
Do not indulge in alcohol or other drugs.
If you get into a passionate 'clinch' with each other, try to resolve that you will only do petting things rather than risk having intercourse.

Having said all that, I must say that from my long experience, I know that a high proportion of teenagers who are in love will eventually be unable to resist having intercourse. When that day arrives, please make sure that you have adequate contraceptive protection. I wish you well.

Premature ejaculation

Q. Doc, I am a guy of 19, and I find that when I go with my fiancée, I can only last for around five to six minutes. Do I have that premature ejaculation (PE) thing?

A: No, I would say that at age 19, a 'lasting time' of five or six minutes is not bad. Guys who have PE can usually only last around one to two minutes. Indeed, some of them can't even last long enough to get inside.

So you do not really need any treatment from a doctor. However, I imagine that your fiancée would be pleased if you could manage to last longer, like maybe 10 or 15 minutes. As you get older, you will probably find that you can last up to half an hour or so, if that is what you both want.

There are many sites on the web which give advice on lasting longer in bed. For instance, try: mensfitness.com/women/sex-tips/last-longer-in-bed-sex-experts.

Will I feel the coil?

Q. My doctor wants me to get fitted with a coil. But if I do this, would I be able to feel it during sex?

A: No, you wouldn't. However, the coil (IUD) does have either one or two slim threads that dangle down into the farthest part of the vagina. The main reason for having these threads is that when you want to have the device removed, they make it easy for the doctor or nurse to pull on them and so take the coil out.

You can feel the tip of a thread with your finger, and that is quite useful because it helps you to know that the coil is still there and in the right position. I must add that some guys can feel the thread during sexual intercourse. Usually, men do not mind this at all and rather like the slight tickling sensation that is produced.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com

Saturday | January 25, 2014

Doctor's Advice: I am in love with an older man

Published: Saturday | January 25, 2014 0 Comments

Doctor, I am a girl of 17, and I have fallen in love with a much older man. He works in a very senior position at the same company as I do. He is a very exciting, handsome guy, and lots of women in the office admire him. So I am not sure why he is so interested in me. But he says I am "the most beautiful thing he has ever seen". We have not had sex as yet, but we have kissed and cuddled when the office is quiet in the evenings. What has concerned me is the fact that he has insisted on putting his finger into my vagina. I have never heard of anyone doing that. And I would like to know why he wished to penetrate me in this way. Also, will what he has done have taken my virginity?

A: I cannot say that I feel enthusiastic about the prospects for this relationship. From what you have told me in another communication, this guy is at least three times your age. That is a very big gap indeed, so the chances of marrying him and having a happy life together seem to me to be a little remote.

To be brutally frank, it is very common for older, powerful men in large organisations to try flirting with very young women and also to 'grope' them if they can. Generally, the teenage girl does not complain about these approaches because she feels so flattered that an important male is showing interest in her.

Now you ask why this guy wanted to put his finger inside you. I am afraid that this is a very common thing for men to do. You probably realise that the male sex is 'conditioned' to want to penetrate females during sexual intercourse. And for many men, penetration with the finger is a good second best.

You ask whether this activity could have taken away your virginity. Technically, the answer is no, but the guy's finger could possibly have broken your hymen, or maidenhead, as it is still sometimes known.

On the bright side, at least he cannot have got you pregnant! Also, that type of fingerplay is most unlikely to have given you any sexually transmitted infection.

But I'm going to finish my answer by saying that I think you are being used by this much older guy. My best advice is that you should have nothing more to do with him. If necessary, change your job.


Last-minute mistake

Doc, I am male, 18, from near Falmouth. Last week, for the first time in my life, I went with a girl. It was bareback. I did try to pull out at the last minute, but now I am fretting that some of my sperm might have got inside her. What do you think, Doc? Could she be pregnant?

A: Well, she could. This method of withdrawal is notorious for causing accidental pregnancies.

It is certainly possible that she may have conceived, and it is now too late for the post-coital pill (emergency pill), or indeed the post-coital coil.

So I am afraid you will just have to wait and see whether her menses arrive. In the future, please try to use safe contraception whenever you have sex.


He showed me a 'blue movie'

I am a female secretarial worker, age 22, and I must admit that I have had quite a bit of experience with men - probably five in all. My latest boyfriend is a very sophisticated guy, and this week he insisted on showing me a 'blue movie' before we had sex. I had never seen one before, Doc, and I was amazed by the things that went on! The first thing I would like to know is this: Is what happens in these movies normal behaviour? And if so, should I be doing it, too? Also, I noticed that all the girls in the films have bottoms that look quite unlike mine. Why? Am I abnormal?

A: Well, I would say that what goes on in porn movies is often completely crazy! And these productions have given many young people a totally false impression of what normal sexual behaviour between a man and a woman is.

So please don't feel that you have to get up to all the antics in which the porn actresses engage. In particular, if there is any sexual activity which you dislike, don't agree to do it.

As it regards the actresses's bottoms, I think what you mean is that many of these ladies have what is called 'the gaping anus syndrome'. What this means is that the anal opening is far wider and looser than normal.

The reason why these young women have that odd appearance is that in the course of their acting work, they have been on the receiving end of a great deal of anal intercourse. I regret to say that this type of activity usually causes the opening in the bottom to become loosened and widened.

Healthwise, that is not very good for these unfortunate girls because as they get older, they are likely to become incontinent of faeces. In other words, they will leak.

So you should definitely forget any ideas about wanting your anus to look like theirs.


Smoking and on the Pill

My girlfriend, age 19, is planning to go on the Pill next month. Would the fact that she is a smoker make this dangerous for her?

A: For women who are in their late teens, the danger to life from taking the Pill is very small. It is certainly less than the risk to life from being pregnant.

However, the risk of serious side-effects - such as thrombosis - is definitely increased by smoking. So your girlfriend would do well to give up cigarettes.


Abnormal protrusion

I have developed a long, dark protrusion on my foreskin during the last few months. I guess it is nearly two centimetres long. Is it anything to do with the fact that I have had sex with many girls?

A: Probably. You almost certainly have a genital wart. This is caused from a virus picked up during sex.

So you should see a doctor right away in order to have this protrusion removed. He may be able to do it by just applying a special anti-wart paint.

Please do not have sex with anyone till you are cured because at the moment, you are probably infectious.

Young men, and indeed young women, should always be on the look-out for these long finger-like growths on the genitals.


Excess fluid

Doc, I seem to get a lot of vaginal fluid. This is especially so when I am sexually excited with my boyfriend. Would you say that this liquid is an abnormal discharge?

A: Probably not. It is normal for young women to be moist, particularly when they are romantically or sexually excited. Generally, you don't need to fret about vaginal liquid unless it is:

Blood-stained;

Causing itching;

Causing pain or soreness;

Yellow;

Very thick and white.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com
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Dear Doc: Should I tell my husband about my fantasy?

Published: Sunday | February 2, 2014 1 Comment

Q. Doc, please help me. I am a fairly happily married woman and my husband and I have always had a pretty active sex life. He has always said he is satisfied with my performance in bed, and I don't think he has ever cheated on me.

I was not a very sexual person when we first got married, but now I have grown to really like sex a lot.

But I have one problem. Over the years, I have learned that it is a lot easier for me to orgasm if I fantasise during the last few minutes of sex. When I realise that my husband is approaching his climax, I start dreaming about all kinds of other sexual activity that I might be involved in. This helps me 'get there' - usually at the same time he does, which is nice.

But in the last few years, I have found myself tending to fantasise about other women. For a while, I imagined female film stars, and that was enough.

But in the last six months, things have changed. Just as my husband approaches his orgasm, I suddenly find myself thinking about being in bed with a beautiful younger woman who works at my office. That idea is always enough to make me climax.

What do you think about this, Doc? My worry is that I am getting hooked on these fantasies. Should I tell my husband about them? Or do you think that the idea might make him mad?

A. Research has shown that during sexual intercourse, between 50 and 60 per cent of women do sometimes fantasise about having sex with other people. And in some cases, they fantasise about sexual activity with other women.

Whole books have been written about female fantasies. There are some experts who think that it is OK since it helps the woman to reach an orgasm. And sometimes, as in your case, the fantasy helps her to climax simultaneously with her partner.

But there is one big disadvantage associated with these types of fantasies. Psychologists have found that if people do this constantly, then the fantasy eventually becomes imprinted upon the mind. This means that, eventually, the woman (or man) cannot orgasm unless she (or he) thinks about the sex fantasy.

Now it seems to me that you are getting perilously close to that stage. If you don't do something about this, you are probably going to find that you cannot climax with your husband unless you think about this woman.

Therefore, you should immediately make every effort to stop thinking about her. You may have to try concentrating on other fantasies in order to help you to orgasm. But you should try and get this woman out of your mind.

Should you tell your husband about your fantasies? Some men are very turned on by that kind of thing, and even like the idea that their wives think about lesbian activity. But a lot of men do not. There is the possibility that your husband might become angry or upset. So, in my view, it would probably be better not to tell him about your fantasy.

Q. Doc, my wife gave birth two months ago and, during the last week, her left breast has become engorged below the nipple. It has started leaking blood-stained milk.

It is very uncomfortable and she needs your help.

A. I am sorry to hear about this. To see blood in breast milk is very alarming for a woman, but usually, the cause is not serious.

There are several possible causes for bleeding and discomfort. For instance, your wife may have a blocked milk duct (that is milk channel), or she may have an infection or inflammation in the breast. But if she is not already seeing a doctor, she must do so right away. If she was delivered at a hospital, it would be a good idea to try to go back and consult the doctors there.

If she continues to have problems, please email me again.

Q. I'm a very worried woman. I gave birth to three children through C-section, then had my tubes tied to prevent further pregnancies.

Now I am thinking of untying my tubes to give my future husband a child. He does not have any children yet.

He is coming from the United States in the spring for us to get married, and he is excited about the idea of us having a child. I have not told him that my tubes are tied.

Is it possible to untie them and then get pregnant? Are there any risks? I would not mind travelling to the United States to get the best medical care.

I'm worried, Doc. Please help me.

A. Sorry to hear about your predicament. What is surprising is that you have not told your fiancé that your tubes are tied.

It is not fair to keep that from him. A lawyer has informed me that your prospective husband might have cause for legal action if he marries you without knowing that you have been sterilised. So please tell him right away.

The reversal operation is very difficult, but there is no great risk to your health. The plain fact is that very often these operations do not succeed, so the woman does not get the child she wants.

All in all, I think your best move now would be to consult a good gynaecologist here in Jamaica to find out what the prospects are for reconnecting your tubes. Good luck.

Q. Would taking a circumcision improve my chances of getting my wife pregnant?

A. No. Not unless your foreskin is so tight that the sperm cannot get out properly.

Q. I have a problem with my throat. I have to be clearing it constantly, like almost all day. Could it be because I had rheumatic fever in 2011?

A. I don't think this throat-clearing problem is linked to rheumatic fever. I suggest you get some throat medication from a pharmacy. This could be lozenges to cut down on throat and nose secretions.

If that doesn't work, please have a doctor check out your throat.

Published: Saturday | February 8, 2014 2 Comments

Q. Hi Doc. I am female, age 18 and a half, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. I met him six weeks ago, and I think I am in love with him. He says he loves me, too.

Although we did not mean to, we started having sex around 10 days ago. We just could not help ourselves. It was the first-ever time for him, too.

But Doc, for the past four days, I have had a bad pain whenever I pass urine. Also, I have to keep rushing to the toilet to urinate, and I do not pass much.

I have not told my boyfriend about it. Is this some kind of sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

A. No. If both of you were virgins, which is what you imply, then you cannot possibly have an STI.

In fact, your symptoms are the classical ones of cystitis, which is an inflammation of the bladder. And many, many young women get that when they first start having sex.

Cystitis is often caused from germs finding their way up the short female urinary pipe and into the bladder. But some experts think that it is the unaccustomed sexual activity which bruises the urinary pipe and makes everything inflamed.

This common condition is not serious, but you must deal with it right away. The best thing to do is to go and see a doctor. Take with you a small specimen of your urine in a clean (and preferably sterile) container. The doctor can test this for you.

He will prescribe medicine and give you wise advice about sex and contraception.

Do not resume sex with your boyfriend until you are cured. You really should inform him that you have had cystitis. And make sure that he is gentle with you when you resume sexual contact.


Is she faking it?

Q. Doctor, do you think my fiancée is orgasming, or is she faking?

We have been together for a year now, and at the beginning, I used to question her about why she didn't orgasm. She said that she was climaxing. She started making a squeaking noise at the end of intercourse and tensed up her body. But how can I tell if she is really doing it or not?

A. Research has shown that large numbers of women do fake orgasms - at least some of the time. Often, they do this to make the man feel good. Other times, a girl may do it because she is embarrassed that she has not climaxed. In fact, it is difficult for a guy to tell whether a female has orgasmed or not, especially if he is fairly young and inexperienced.

There are several signs which do indicate that orgasm has occurred, but they are not easy to detect, particularly in the dark. For instance, most women involuntarily curl their toes up when they 'come'. But I do not recommend that you suddenly start inspecting your fiancée's feet in bed. She might not be too pleased about that.

I feel that your best move is to have a chat with her, some time when you are not in the middle of having sex. Tell her that you are not sure whether she is really having orgasms or not, and see what she says.

If she claims that she is climaxing, then there is not very much more you can say. But if she admits that it has been difficult for her to orgasm, then the two of you could discuss ways in which you could help her to do so.

Bear in mind that the two most important things a guy can do in order to assist a lady to reach orgasm are:

Create a loving and romantic atmosphere;

Give plenty of stimulation to the clitoris, which is the key to female orgasm.

I do not know how soon you two are getting married, but before you do so, it would be a good idea for you both to have a little counselling from an older, experienced health professional such as a doctor or nurse.


Sexting danger

Q. Several of the girls at my college have been talking about 'sexting' and saying that it is harmless fun, but I am not so sure.

The other day, I received a text and a photo from a boy I know very slightly. The text said that I turned him on, and the picture showed the lower half of his body with no clothes on.

Some of my friends want me to reply to him and send him an intimate picture of me. They say it would be just like innocent flirting. However, I feel that this could lead to trouble.

A. You are right.These intimate and sexy picture that young girls and boys transmit to each other have a nasty way of being passed around to other people. Sometimes they even end up on the Internet.

People should be very wary about sexting. Almost exactly one year ago, the police warned that it could possibly be regarded as a crime under Jamaican law. However, I note that last spring, two researchers from the University of the West Indies published a paper in which they said it was widespread among people aged 15 to 25. The researchers pointed out that it could sometimes result in bullying and cybercrimes, and that in some cases, it had led to social as well as psychological damage.

So I do not think you should reply to this guy's sexy text. And you definitely should avoid sending him intimate photos of your body.

Instead, if you like the boy (and I am not totally convinced that you do), why not just talk to him about the possibility of going out on a date?


Is a condom reliable?

Q. I am keen to use condoms when I start having sex with girls, but is it as reliable as the Pill in preventing babies?

A. Not quite, but it's pretty good. Couples who use it properly will only have around a two per cent chance of pregnancy per year.

The Pill scores a little better than that. But of course, the Pill does not help protect you against sexual infections - which the condom generally does.

Please remember that for good results, you must follow the instructions on the leaflet that is supplied with many brands of condom. Above all, do what the manufacturers say about avoiding bareback sex. Put the condom on before you enter the young lady, and do not remove it until after you have withdrawn from her body.


Sex with a sadist?

Q I am 19-year-old nurse and I have met an older man who is very attractive, but he wants to tie me up and then (so he says) whip me. Doc, I don't like the sound of that.

A. Nor do I! These days, a little bit of gentle bondage in the bedroom is regarded by many experts as fairly harmless, but this older guy wants to hit you while you are tied up and helpless. He is clearly a sadist. Have nothing more to do with him!

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com

DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I'm in love with another man
Published: Sunday | February 9, 2014 0 Comments

I'm in love with another man

Q Dear Doctor, I am a wife who has a dilemma! Sometimes I wonder if I have some sickness or if I am going mad. The fact is, I have fallen heavily for a man who is not my husband. I think about him night and day. To be honest, I long for his body, I can think of nothing more wonderful than having sex with him.

In fact, we have slept together once, when my husband was away for the night. Doctor, it was truly wonderful. I have never before reached such heights of ecstasy. I am in my 30s and have been married for a little over 15 years. I have two children and I love them dearly. But, to be honest, I do not love my husband. I know that is a shocking admission, but it is true. When we got married, I thought I would grow to love him, but it just didn't happen. And over the years, he has steadily grown into a man who is more and more 'difficult' and angry. Sex with him is not very good.

Don't get me wrong. He has given me and the children a comfortable home and we do not lack for anything. But the laughter and fun have long gone out of our marriage. So when I met this other man a few months ago, it was like the sun coming up and smiling on my face! I was completely overwhelmed. He was immediately attracted to me, and it was very difficult to keep our hands off each other. When he kissed me for the first time, I thought my heart would burst.

Now I am in a situation where I cannot sleep properly. I have lost my appetite. When I think of him, my heart begins to beat uncontrollably and I even get short of breath. Doc, is there any chance I have some sort of sickness? Or do you think I am going crazy?

A No, I do not believe that you have any physical sickness, and I am sure you are not going crazy. What is abundantly clear is that you are in love - very deeply in love. This does happen to people, when they meet someone who seems incredibly 'right' for them. Love can strike anyone, in their teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, or even later. The symptoms are often very like those of an illness, and it is very difficult to do anything to combat it.

So what are you to do? I must say that I do not think your marriage is going to survive. However, you have to consider the fact that you have two young children. The impact of a divorce on children is often very serious. They can become ill - both physically and emotionally. Therefore, I feel that you should try to postpone any separation or divorce as long as possible. That may not be easy, but you must try hard to think about your children's welfare.

As it relates to your lover, you didn't say whether he was married or not. I hope he isn't! If he has a wife at home, that could further complicate an already-difficult situation. My advice to you is to not have sex with him for the moment, no matter how difficult that may be. It would be a good idea if the two of you agreed on a 'time out'. Do not see each other for, say, the next three months. By the end of that period, it should be clearer if this love between you two is going to last or not. Only time will tell.

Dealing with Cialis side effects

QDear Doc, I had a bit of problem with my erections, and my doctor gave me a prescription for a pill called Cialis. This worked very well and now I get very good erections. But whenever I take it, I get backache for a few hours. Why?

A Cialis (also known as 'tadalafil') is a pretty effective erection-inducing medication. But one of its possible side effects is back pain. Currently, backache induced by Cialis doesn't seem to be any cause for concern. But I think you should ask your doctor to switch you to one of the other erection-inducing drugs such as Viagra.

Torn between two lovers

Q Doctor, I have to confess to you that I have two lovers. I do not know which of these men to chose and it may be that I will end up marrying neither of them. What I find concerning is this. When I am having sex with one of them, everything is very nice and enjoyable. But I find sex with the other guy, uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. So what is going on, Doctor? Do you think the second guy has a VD or some kind of sexual infection?

A. No, I do not. That is definitely not a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection (STI). On the basis of probabilities, I would say that it is likely that, with the second guy, you are unconsciously 'tensing up'. When the muscles around a woman's vagina become tense, that immediately causes her discomfort, or even pain. It is possible that it means you want to choose the first guy over the second. Although I feel that the explanation of your problem is psychological, I do think that you should now have an internal check-up from an experienced doctor. She can tell you if there is something amiss in the vagina.

Do I have PE?

Q A woman I went to Mexico with told me that she thought I had 'premature ejaculation' (PE). I was deeply upset, doc. In fact, I generally 'last' for around 10 minutes. Surely that isn't premature, is it?

A. Well, I don't think that most doctors would diagnose you with 'PE', just because you climax after 10 minutes of intercourse. However, these days, some women do like a man who can go much longer. There have been studies that suggest that some women would prefer 30 minutes. Clearly, you didn't last long enough for her, so maybe in the future you could try and be a little more thoughtful and 'hold back' until your partner is ready.

Sterility?

Q. Is there an injection that will make my man temporarily sterile?

A. No, not yet. Maybe in five years.

Doctor's Advice: My boyfriend betrayed me

Published: Saturday | February 22, 2014 0 Comments

Doc, I would value your fatherly advice about my boyfriend, who has talked to his friends about our sex life. Last month, I gave him my virginity. I only did this after several months of careful thought. I had weighed up the possible consequences and decided it was time to go ahead and have sex with him. And I made sure that I went on the Pill first! So this was a very big moment in my life, Doc. I expected that it would be an emotional moment for him also since he, too, was a virgin. Well, Doc, the truth is that the experience wasn't all that great. He didn't really know what to do, and at one point, he hurt me. It was messy and was over rather quickly. I cannot truthfully say that I got much pleasure out of it. As soon as we had finished, I was surprised to find that he was acting in a triumphant way, as though he had won a battle or something! And he seemed to think he had done me some kind of big favour. But still, I was happy about what had happened, and I thought that somehow it 'crowned' the love between us. But a few days later, I was shocked when I met a few of his friends in the street, and it was quite obvious that he had told them about taking my virginity! They called out things like, "Did you enjoy it, then?" and "Why not give us some, too?" I was deeply embarrassed. Doctor, I am asking you: How could he do this thing to me? I feel he has betrayed my confidence.

A: Very sorry to hear about this. First of all, can I congratulate you on having the good sense to go on the Pill before giving up your virginity!

Now, the fact is that young men are often pleased with themselves when they finally manage to have sex with a girl. They feel as if they have climbed Mount Everest or maybe landed on the moon!

Regrettably, some young guys cannot resist telling their friends about what they did. And they may well mention the girl's name and say things like, "She was real good, you know."

Other young men are more discreet and regard what happens between a man and a woman as a purely private matter, which should not be disclosed to other people. But sadly, your boyfriend does not seem to fall into that category.

Whether you stay with this guy is up to you, but to be blunt, I feel that you could easily find someone else who is more discreet and who has more respect for women. Please think about that.

Finally, you report that your experience of 'first sex' was really not too good. I am afraid that that is often the case. Surveys have shown that many young women report that losing their virginity was a disappointing business. That is particularly likely when the guy has no experience whatsoever and doesn't know how to treat a woman and how to make her respond.

Still, matters could have been worse. You are clearly not pregnant! And I am sure you have learned a great deal from this episode.

Too many orgasms?

Doc, I am a guy of 19 and I am slightly worried about the amount of sex I am having. What I am going to tell you is very personal. You see, Doc, I suspect that I am having far more orgasms than other boys of my age. Last month, I 'totted up' the total, and it was actually 18. This was made up of seven climaxes through masturbation, five through sex with my girlfriend, two with a girl in Kingston, and one with an older lady, and also three in my sleep (that is, 'wet dreams'). Will all this do my health any harm?

A: Well, 18 orgasms a month is certainly above average for a guy of 19. According to the figures in the famous Kinsey Report, which are admittedly somewhat out of date, the statistical mean number of orgasms for a young man of your age is 3.32 per week, which means about 13.3 in every four-week period.

But climaxing rather more often than average cannot possibly do your health any harm. There are no medical ill effects that might occur as a result of all this orgasmic activity.

What does concern me is that last month you managed to have sexual relationships with three different women: your regular girlfriend, another young woman, and an 'older lady'.

Two questions immediately occur to me. First, are you using any contraception? Second, has it occurred to you that one or more of these partners might well be carrying a sex infection such as chlamydia?


What brand Pill should I choose?

I am 20, a Gleaner reader in the USA, and seriously considering going on the Pill. Could you advise me as to the safest brand to choose?

A: Regrettably, very few women actually choose their own brand of the Pill. I am afraid that generally, the choice is made for them by the doctor who prescribes it.

In theory, the medic should be aware of the risks of the various brands of the Pill and should suggest a brand which is least likely to cause the major hazard of contraceptive Pills, which is thrombosis (clotting).

Unfortunately, not all the doctors in the world have adequate knowledge of the risks of the various brands. So I would advise you to demand two things:

1. That the Pill you receive is low in oestrogen;

2. That it is not one of the so-called third-generation Pills, which seem to have a slightly higher rate of thrombosis.

Circumcision scar

My parents had me circumcised when I was a young boy, and I still have the small scar on my organ. I have not had sex yet. My question to you, Doctor, is this. Would a girl notice this little scar and be alarmed by it?

A: I think that is most unlikely. I have never known a female patient complain about a circumcision scar on her partner's penis.

However, if you are still fretting, I suggest you ask a doctor to take a look at your organ and tell you whether the appearance of the scar is within normal limits.

Could his discharge harm me?

I have managed to maintain my virginity so far, and fortunately, my new boyfriend feels that we should postpone intercourse till we get married. But I am puzzled by something. Instead of having 'full sex', he often wants to discharge across my breasts. Why does he want to do this? And could it harm me?

A: It is difficult for you to understand this, but men do have a strong instinctive drive to orgasm on to any available part of a female - particularly an erotic part like the bosom.

Letting him do this will certainly not harm you or give you any sexual infection, but please do not let the guy do it unless you are comfortable with it.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com