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Doctor's Advice:Can't Make My Wife Orgasm Options
Posted: Monday, December 8, 2014 5:18:30 PM

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DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Worried About Unequal Testicles

Published: Saturday | November 8, 2014 3 Comments

Q: Hi, Doc. I am concerned about the size of my testicles. One of them has always been quite a lot bigger than the other, and I do not know why. Fortunately, this does not affect my sex life. I have a girlfriend, and we have intercourse around five or six times for the week, so everything is pretty good, apart from this concern that the testicles are not the same size. Please, help me.

A: Well, let me start with a few medical facts. The average dimensions of the adult human testicle are as follows:

Length: one and a half to two inches;
Breadth: one inch.
They do slowly increase in size up till around the age of 20. So if you are still a teenager, your testicles may yet grow a little.

You may be surprised to hear that in most guys, the two testicles are of slightly different dimensions. Most often, it is the left one that is a little bigger. But the difference between the two is not very great. Most men do not even notice that their 'balls' are not exactly the same size.

In your case, it seems like the two testes have always been quite a lot different in size, so I do not think that we need to consider the possibility of any recent illness. My guess is that you were born with one testicle slightly on the small side, while the other was normal. But you really must get your 'equipment' checked out by a doctor. Do not fret! The doctor will not do anything painful to you! He will just examine your testicles and assess their size and weight. He might suggest that you do an ultrasound examination.

However, the fact that you have a good sex life with your girlfriend is pretty reassuring. My forecast is that everything will turn out OK, and that you will be able to become a father when you want to. By the way, I hope you are using adequate contraception with your girlfriend because you seem to be having an awful lot of sex!

Q: Good day to you. Why do I bleed from the vagina during sexual intercourse? I have had two abortions. After that, I was bleeding out of control. I was advised to do a pelvic ultrasound. This showed that I had two small fibroids. Could you please tell me if it is because of this illness that I keep bleeding during sex?

A: I am sorry to hear that you have been having problems with bleeding after sex. In a young woman, 'post-coital' bleeding is usually due to one of these factors:

A small injury, often caused by her partner's fingernail;
Infection with the 'bug' chlamydia;
An erosion (raw place) on the cervix;
A polyp - which is a little projection of fragile tissue from the cervix.
Sometimes there are more sinister causes, particularly in women over the age of around 28. After-sex bleeding should, therefore, always be taken seriously. It is absolutely essential that you now go and see a doctor to have an internal examination and a Pap smear. I am sure that the doctor will be able to put your fears at rest. Finally, it is unlikely that your fibroids are causing bleeding after sex. You also mentioned something about having a 'thin endometrium', but I do not think that could be relevant. Good luck!

Q: Doc, I am engaged to a beautiful girl. We have a marvellous sex life! I hope that we will marry soon after Christmas. Should I tell her that five years ago, a powerful homosexual guy forced himself on me and in effect 'raped' my bottom?

A: If that is so, then this was a very serious crime that he committed against you. Did you ever inform the police?

From a health point of view, I must point out that any guy who has been on the 'receiving end' of anal intercourse is more likely than average to have a sexually transmitted infection. So, although I don't want to alarm you, I feel that you should go to a doctor or clinic and have the routine tests for sexually transmitted infections - including HIV infection. They will probably be OK.

Now, you asked me whether you should tell your fiancée about that unpleasant experience. Well, I am a great believer in getting things out into the open. Admittedly, there is a risk in telling her that once upon a time you were 'male-raped'. It is just possible that she might react adversely. Nevertheless, I think that you should make a clean breast of what happened. If you can reassure her that you do not have any gay tendencies, then probably all will be well.

Q: I am a girl of 17. Last night, I was doing wild and passionate petting with my boyfriend. The result was that one small drop of his man-fluid landed in my pubic hair. Half an hour later, when I realised what had happened, I washed it away with sea water. (We were on the beach at the time, Doc.) But I am terrified that this little drop of fluid might have made me pregnant. I have heard that it could contain many thousands of sperm. Is that true, doctor?

A: Yes, it is true. Even one drop of seminal fluid contains plenty-plenty sperm. And it is just about technically possible that one of those sperm cells could have made its way into your vagina then up through your cervix and womb and entered your Fallopian tube. There, it might - just might - have encountered an ovum (egg) and fertilised it. But the odds against that happening are enormous, so I feel pretty sure that you will be OK. Do not fret. However, if you are going to continue with petting, please take more care. And remember that this kind of teenage love play usually leads to intercourse before very long.

Dear Doc: Am I Lacking Male Hormones?
Published: Sunday | November 9, 2014 0 Comments

Q Doc, could you tell me if you think I am lacking in male hormones? Also, what exactly are 'male hormones' and what do they do?

I am a hard-working 31-year-old businessman and I spend least 100 hours per week in the office! But I am in good health, I think.

Recently, however, my sex life has not been very good. In strict confidence, Doc, I have two girlfriends - one in St Andrew, and the other near Black River. I try to see both of them at least twice a week if possible.

Unfortunately, in the last six months, my erections just haven't seemed to be as stiff as they used to be. Don't get me wrong, Doctor, I have not lost my nature. But I believe I am 'softer' than I used to be. By the way, neither of these women have said anything.

Last week, it suddenly struck me that I might be lacking male hormones. So I went to see a well-known doctor in Kingston and I told him about my fears.

He asked me what I thought were rather strange questions - like 'How often do you shave' and 'Do you get morning stiffness?'

Then he examined me thoroughly, paying particular attention to my testicles and penis - and for some reason, the hair on my chest and back.

Then I asked him if I needed hormone pills or injections. He said he didn't think so. He thought my male hormone levels were perfectly OK.

I asked him if I should have a blood test for hormones and he replied: "Not at the moment. Let's discuss it next time I see you."

But I would like your opinion, Doc. Do you think I am suffering from a lack of hormones? And why did he say that he thought my hormone level was all right?

A The male hormone is testosterone. Men produce them in large quantities from their testicles, and also from their adrenal glands (which are near the kidneys).

What it does is to give men a lot of 'drive'. It also makes them think about women and increases their sexual desire.

Among its other effects, are to make facial hair grow and also hair on the body. That is the reason why the doctor was interested in how often you shave! Men who have to shave at least once for the day are scarcely ever lacking in testosterone.

Similarly, the doctor was checking your body hair and pubic hair. Men who have quite a bit of it are not likely to be testosterone-deficient. Also, the same is true of men who sometimes get morning erections.

Doubtless, at the same time as he was looking at your pubic hair, the doctor was checking the size of your testicles and penis. Men who are deficient in male hormones are likely to have 'small' genitals. They may also speak with a high voice - so he will probably have taken note of the way you talk.

Having done all that, the doctor concluded that you do not have a testosterone deficiency. I am sure he knows what he is talking about!

However, he has offered you the opportunity of a blood test, next time you see him. If you can afford it, why not get it done?

Important note: Try to have the blood taken in the morning. That is because of the fact that testosterone levels vary during the day.

Finally, can I offer you a word of advice? Your 'love life' sounds very exhausting. You are driving great distances across the island in order to try and see two women twice a week!

That would be exhausting for anyone, but you are already an extremely hard-working businessman.

You must wait and see what that doctor says about you, and perhaps what your blood test reveals. But my advice to you is to confine yourself to one partner and to stop all this dashing around the island! You should also cut down on the number of hours which you are working.

If you did all that, then I think your concerns about your erections would vanish.

Q Hi, Doctor. I am a 25-year-old female and, five days ago, I had very vigorous (and prolonged) sex with my fiancé.

After, I noticed that my clitoris was swollen to about the size of the end of my thumb!

I think it is now going down slightly and it is only a little tender. I get the feeling that it is full of blood!

What do you think I should do?

A I am almost certain that you have a condition called 'clitoral haematoma'. The word 'haematoma' means 'a collection of blood' - like a bruise.

This is fairly common after a woman has had prolonged, firm rubbing against her clitoris. The intense friction makes the organ bleed a little bit internally.

Fortunately, in most cases, a clitoral haematoma gradually goes down of its own accord. Occasionally, it bursts, spilling a little blood - and then it gets better.

If the swelling has not gone away in one week, I'd like you to check with a doctor. But my guess is that it will be gone by then. Please, no sex until you are completely better.

Q My wife is a highly sexed woman and she has been watching a lot of porn films on the Internet.

As a result, she has been talking to me about giving her rectal sex. Do you feel, Doc, that I have to do this?

A No, I do not - especially as rectal sex remains against the law in Jamaica - even between husband and wife. If you dislike the idea, then don't do it.

Q A nurse has recommended that, when I have sex, I use the diaphragm. But I cannot work out where I must put it, Doc.

A The diaphragm is a pretty good 'barrier' method of contraception. But you really need to be fitted with one by a doctor or nurse, because of the fact that women's vaginas are of varying shapes and sizes.

You must put it in so that it covers the cervix whenever you have sex. This means that:

? The front end must be 'tucked up' behind the pubic bone;

? The back end must be behind the cervix.

But you really do need the nurse or doctor to show you precisely how to position it inside you.

Q A man who I have known for years wants to marry me, but he is homosexual. He says he will change and be a straight husband to me.

But can I believe him, Doc?

A Well, men who are bisexual can sometimes change. But it is rare for a completely gay male to 'switch round' and magically become a heterosexual husband. I really don't think this is going to work.
Posted: Thursday, March 5, 2015 2:59:07 PM

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A Guy In Really Big Trouble

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Published:Sunday | March 1, 2015

Q Good day, Doctor. I am a man with some sexual troubles and I would appreciate some good advice. I have been happily married for more than 12 years. My wife and I have several children.

Well, six months ago, I met a very pretty young widow who lives in a town not far from us. She gave me the big 'come on', so what happened was not entirely my fault.

When she started making a sexual play for me, I thought 'Why not?'. I figured that a little fun would do no harm and that no one would ever know about it. So I agreed to sleep with her. And we had a great time.

For the next few months, we met regularly at her house. I would spend a few of hours with her before going home. I liked her a lot. But I regarded this relationship as sexual and not emotional.

However, Doctor, soon after Christmas, things began to change. She became more demanding, and wanted to know where I was on the other days of the week. She kept asking me if I had a girlfriend anywhere else. Also, she seemed to get annoyed that I was also having sex with my wife.

Two weeks ago, matters sort of came to a head. She started screaming at me that I didn't love her. (In fact, I can't remember ever saying that I did!) She threatened to expose me by telling my boss that we were having an affair.

Worst of all, she started saying that she might tell my wife! She knows my wife's workplace phone number, and she says she could phone her office.

And, of course, she still wants me to have sex with her. She demands that we meet once or twice a week and have sex on each occasion. During intercourse, she screams and yells at me to urge me on, and tries to scratch my back. I am terrified that my wife might see these marks.

Doctor, it is obvious that she wants me to leave my wife and children and come and live with her. She talks about 'When we are married ...' and stuff like that.

But I don't want to marry her. I love my wife. I am feeling so depressed and can't sleep.

So I wish I had never got into this, Doctor. What would you advise me to do?

A Well, your story is a terrible warning to married men who feel like straying. Lots of men think that it won't matter if they do a little cheating. Like you, they imagine that a relationship with an attractive woman will be just sexual and not emotional.

Sadly, all too often, it doesn't work out that way. The other woman gets jealous of the wife; she demands more of the man's time; she wants him to get divorced and marry her. This a story which I have seen played out again and again.

Well, you say you love your wife. And it appears that you do not actually love this woman.

You clearly don't want to leave your wife and children and seek a divorce.

Therefore, you have to take decisive action now. What I recommend is this four-point plan:

1. You must stop having sex with this woman right away;

2. You shouldn't even go and see her anymore;

3. Tell her it is all over;

4. Speak to your boss and inform him that he may be getting a phone call from an angry woman.

What must you do about your wife? I am afraid that this is going to be very difficult. But I think you are going to have to tell her what has happened. If she found out through a call from the 'merry widow', that would be pretty awful.

It is not going to be easy to tell your spouse, but I feel you must sit her down in a quiet room and explain it to her. Don't forget to remind her that you love her.

Finally, I am sorry to hear that you have been depressed. You must see a doctor about that as soon as possible, because you need treatment. Also, it would be helpful if you could get some practical support and advice from a reliable and experienced man in your neck of the woods, like a counsellor or a minister of religion.

Q I am a divorced woman and I hadn't had sex for about two years. But a few days ago, an old boyfriend returned to the island and we spent a fantastic night together. And I do mean all night, Doc.

But the result has been that my clitoris is really sore. I can feel it all day.

Is that OK, Doctor? Or have I got something serious?

A No, you haven't. It is normal for a woman who is unaccustomed to very vigorous sex to experience 'sore clitoris syndrome' for some days afterwards.

But, if it hasn't cleared up within another week, please check with a doctor.

Q Doctor, I have seen where you have mentioned severe orgasm pain in women. But I am a man and I am getting pain when I discharge.

Why is this happening, please?

A When a man gets pain when he climaxes, that is usually an indication that he has something wrong with his prostate gland.

So you need to get to a doctor and have your prostate examined. Do not delay.

Q I am thinking of doing a female sterilisation operation. Will that stop my menses?

A No, it won't. The usual form of female sterilisation involves blocking or clipping the two Fallopian tubes. That will not affect the menses.

There are some people who tell you that sterilisation makes the periods heavier. But that is not true.

Q Whenever I have sex, my semen comes out brown. This has been so for a month,

Why is it happening, Doctor?

A This indicates that you are bleeding somewhere inside. The cause of the blood loss may not be serious, but you must see a doctor right away.

You should make an appointment with a urologist (that is, a urological surgeon).

Q Could I lessen my risk of cervical cancer by insisting that men always wear condoms when having sex with me?

A Possibly, though this has not yet been scientifically proven. Cancer of the cervix is mostly caused by the HPV virus, caught from a sex partner. So anything you can do to prevent transmission of this virus is good.

Also, condoms do protect you against a lot of other things, including pregnancy.

Q I have accidentally conceived while swimming in Negril, Doctor. Could the seawater harm my baby?

A No. This type of conception happens sometimes, and gynos say that the water poses no danger to the resultant child.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com.
Posted: Sunday, March 8, 2015 10:25:22 AM

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While My Husband Is Away
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Published:Sunday | March 8, 2015

While my husband is away

Q Doctor, my husband is away on a course in England. Recently, one of his male colleagues has been coming to see me. It is obvious he likes me a lot, and wants to go to bed with me.

Frankly, I am tempted, lonely and 'sex starved'. Would there be any harm in giving in to him, solely for the period in which my husband is away? Am I right in thinking that it is unlikely he could get me pregnant, as I am now 36?

A Don't you realise that many 36-year-old women get pregnant? Admittedly, your fertility is probably a little less than it was at 26. But if you let this man seduce you, there is a high chance you will end up with a child!

Please do not regard an affair with this man as a trivial matter. When people commit adultery, there are serious consequences such as falling in love, catching an STD, their spouses finding out, among others. All kinds of bad things can happen.

So I beg you, do not give in to this man. Doubtless you are kissing and caressing him each time he comes to your house. But please tell him no more and stop him from coming to your house.

As you are sexually frustrated while your husband is away, please remember that there is no law against masturbation. And medically-speaking, it is harmless.

Did I Give Her Yeast?

Q A woman has accused me of giving her yeast, Doc. Is this medically possible?

AYes, it is, although women can get yeast without catching it from a sex partner.

I presume she is being treated by her doctor and it would be wise for you to get some treatment as well - even though you may not have any symptoms. You could well be a 'symptomless carrier'.

In the mean time, buy a tube of anti-thrush cream - which is the same thing as anti-yeast cream - and apply it to your penis three times per day. You should do this for at least a week.

Please do not have sex during this time.

Smoking While

On The Pill

QDoc, is it true that smoking cigarettes makes the Pill more dangerous?

AThat is absolutely true, especially for any woman 30 years or older. A good rule is this. If you want to take the Pill, do not smoke.

Can't Keep Up

With My Fiancée

Q Can you tell me something about my new fiancée, doctor? She really enjoys having sex. In fact, she wants it much more often than I do. Ideally, she would like to have sex every day, and I can't keep up with that.

A friend of mine told me that she must be a 'nymphomania'. Is that a medical condition, and if so, could I get her treated by a doctor?

A The word 'nymphomaniac' is sometimes applied by males to women who have a lot of sexual desire. But nymphomania is not a genuine clinical condition, and in medical textbooks you will not find it described as a disorder.

Psychiatrists do sometimes use the word hypersexuality to describe the situation in which a woman wants sex all day, every day. That occasionally happens in the disease called bi-polar disorder. And very rarely, it can occur after a blow to the head.

But there is no way that your fiancee could be described as mentally ill. It is true that she is 'highly sexed'. However, that is not a sickness.

What concerns me is that your sexual desire is nowhere near as powerful as hers! That is a bad foundation for a marriage. So I honestly think you should reconsider this engagement.

He Can't Get In

Q I have been married for six months to an Englishman, and so far we have been unable to consummate our marriage, because he simply cannot get in.

When I was in England during Christmas, I consulted a doctor, and she said the problem is referred to as vaginal septum.

What is that? Can it be treated? I am now back in Jamaica.

A It is quite common for women to have a 'septum', which is like a wall down the middle of the vagina. As you have found, it makes intercourse difficult or impossible.

I forecast a doctor will be able to operate and successfully remove the septum, and within a few weeks, you can start having sex.

Fear Of Sex After Fractured Penis

Q I believe I fractured my penis a few years ago. Since then, I have not attempted to have sex with a woman.

However, I have now met a beautiful woman, and I hope to marry her. But we have not had sex because of my fears.

Doctor, do you think it would be safe to enter her? Or would there be a risk of fracturing my penis again?

A Fracture of the penis is pretty uncommon, so you were very unlucky. Presumably, you were treated by a hospital, it should be quite safe to have sex with this woman. However, take matters gently! Also, I would recommend that you avoid two sexual positions, because these are most often associated with fractures of the penis. They are:

• The man lying on his back, woman sitting on top of him.

• Doing it from behind and on all fours - doggy position.

These sexual postures can put a strain on the man's penis, particularly if the woman suddenly shifts her weight.

Ashamed Of Long Labia

Q I am a 27-year-old female and I have always been embarrassed by the fact that I have very long labia. This has made me reluctant to go to bed with men.

Now I have seen an ad on the Internet, featuring a clinic in America where they will cut a woman's labia to any length and shape she wants.

Should I travel there and have it done since I can afford it?

A I must warn you that in the United States, there are quite a few doctors who make a great living out of 'reshaping' women's vulvas. Though they describe themselves as surgeons, their qualifications are sometimes not very good.

Please note that if the operation goes wrong, the results can be serious.

I don't believe you should waste your money to have some sort of surgeon trim your labia. It would be far better to consult an expert in Jamaica, and see what she says about your vulva.
Posted: Sunday, April 5, 2015 11:55:01 AM

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Dear Doc: Is He A Case For Viagra?

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Published:Sunday | April 5, 2015

Q Good day, doc. I am a guy who is just about to get married for the second time. I am 35. My first wife passed away around two years ago.

My problem is that many times I just can't 'make it' with my new partner. I get stiff, but after a couple of minutes I lose it. In other words, I get in and then it doesn't last. This is real frustrating for her and for me.

So I am seriously thinking of going on Viagra, doctor. However, I have heard that there can be real bad side-effects. Is this true? In fact, could you tell me what the bad side effects of the drug really are?

A. Sure. But first of all, let me say that when a man who is only in his 30s runs into problems with his 'nature,' it is NOT usually a physical problem. Usually, it transpires that the problem is a psychological one and that, therefore, it does not generally need treatment with Viagra.

I note that in your case, it is only two years since your first wife passed on. Well, again and again, I have seen men who (like you) have recently been widowed and who cannot manage to get a good erection. What happens is that the subconscious mind is still mourning the loss of the wife. So it will not let the poor guy go ahead and have sex with anyone else.

The same thing often occurs with men who have recently been through a divorce, particularly if it has been a 'messy' one, and if the man feels guilty or depressed.

The good news is that in nearly all these cases, the man does eventually regain his nature. The healing process is accelerated if he has some therapy from an understanding counsellor or psychotherapist, who can encourage him to talk about his feelings. For instance, last year, I was consulted by a 40-year-old man whose wife had died of breast cancer, around 18 months ago. He had now met a woman, fallen in love, and wanted to marry her. But he could not get an erection at all.

On examination, I found that there was nothing physically wrong with him. So I sent him to a good psychotherapist, who then spent a couple of months in helping him to explore his feelings about his lost wife, and his guilt about being unfaithful to her. A very helpful factor was the attitude of his new fiancÈe who was extremely sympathetic and encouraging to him.

She spent a lot of time talking with him, and reassuring him that she loved him. Also, as his recovery progressed, she proved to be real good at using simple love play techniques to help him get an erection and maintain it. By the time they got married, he was able to have sex without difficulty.

Now that is the kind of path that I think that you should follow. See a therapist or counsellor as soon as possible. And please tell your fiancÈe that is what you are doing.

As you can see, I don't really think that Viagra is appropriate in your case. But your own doctor may feel that it is appropriate to give you a little 'kick-start' by taking that medication for a while. I would have no quarrel with that!

You ask about side-effects. Someone has told you that the drug can have real bad effects. I must tell you that it is most unusual for Viagra to cause a man any significant problems. Most side-effects are pretty minor. The common ones are:

- Headache

- A full feeling in the face

- Indigestion or gas

- Dizziness on getting out of bed too fast

- Blocked nose

- Hiccups

- Slight diarrhoea

- Blue discolouration when looking at lights.

There are occasionally more serious ill-effects, but they mainly occur when Viagra interacts badly with some other drug the man is taking. So you should make sure that your doctor knows what other pills you might be on.

I should say that incredibly rarely, blindness and deafness can occur in men who take Viagra. But I have never seen such a case.

I don't think you need Viagra. But if your own doctor thinks that you do, you need have no fear about taking it.

Going On The Pill At 28
Q I am about to go on the Pill, at the age of 28. Will it take away my sexual desire, as I have heard?

A No. It won't. Occasionally, a woman may feel a little less sexy on some brand of Pill. But if she switches to a next brand, or the Mini-Pill, things are usually OK. A lot of women enjoy their sex lives more when they are on the Pill because they no longer have to fret about pregnancy.

Pointers On Dating An Older Woman
Q I am a man of 25, and a beautiful woman a little more than 50 has just told me that she would like to have an affair with me. Doctor, I cannot believe my luck!

But medically speaking, is there any kind of problem I should look out for?

A No, not really. But please bear in mind that ladies aged over 50 can sometimes get pregnant. So please take care not to give this woman an unwanted conception.

I hope your relationship will be a long and happy one. Who knows? You might end up by marrying her.

What is this 'caruncle'?

Q. I am a woman who has an active sex life but recently, there has been what you might call a fly in the ointment! You see, I find that in certain positions sex with men produces quite a lot of discomfort, and even pain. I have a good doctor, so I went to her and she checked me out. Then she told me that I have something called a 'caruncle'. I have to see her again next week. But what is this 'caruncle,' doctor? Is it like a cancer?

A. No, it is not cancer, so you have no need to fret. The doctor is talking about what is called a 'urethral caruncle'. That is a little bulge of tissue which comes out of the tiny opening through which you pass urine. The cause is not known.The condition is pretty common in women, but almost unheard-of in men.

Caruncles tend to get 'squashed' during sex in certain positions. So they can cause the kind of discomfort or pain that you have been experiencing. Fortunately, many urethral caruncles don't need any treatment. The doctor may suggest that you just use plenty of lubricant, and also avoid sex positions which cause you pain. However, if the caruncle continues to give you trouble, it may be worth trying some prescribed hormone cream. Alternatively, a gyno could operate to remove the swelling or perhaps laser it.

Is fertility reduced at 30?

Q My wife is currently 30. Could I assume that her fertility is now reduced, so that we don't really have to bother with birth control?

A. No way. At the age of 30, a woman's fertility is scarcely, if at all, reduced.
Posted: Monday, May 18, 2015 12:25:30 AM

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Dear Doctor: Want Out Of My Open Marriage

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Published:Sunday | May 17, 2015

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I want out of my open marriage

Q: Good day, Doctor. When my husband and I got married 10 years ago, we agreed that it would be an 'open marriage'. In other words, each of us could have affairs, with the other's knowledge. At the time, this seemed like a good idea.

For quite a few years, the arrangement worked. Although I really enjoyed sex with my husband, it was nice to 'try out' someone else from time to time. I did not mind that he occasionally had other women, and he would come home and tell me what happened - and for some years that really used to 'turn me on'. I would also tell him about my 'outside' relationships and he would enjoy that.

But after I gave birth to my son, I began to feel differently. I was not so happy about this kind of lifestyle anymore, and I began to worry that people might find out what was going on.

The final straw came maybe three months ago. My husband invited a business colleague home to have dinner with us. The two men drank quite a lot, and after the meal, it became clear that they both expected me to spend the night with our guest.

I was not attracted to him and said so. My husband got mad and asked me what on earth was wrong with me! In the end, I locked myself in the spare room and spent the night there.

When I came out the next morning, our guest had left and my husband and I had a terrible fuss in which plates were thrown and some very angry things said. After, I took my son and left to stay at my mother's, where I still am.

Over this last three months, we have not met up at all. We have exchanged quite a few emails and texts, and even spoken on the phone a few times. I have told him that I am never going back to that 'open marriage' arrangement, and he has accused me of breaking what he calls 'our contract'. He maintains that we had what he calls 'a firm agreement' and that I have 'gone back on my word'.

Do you think this is fair, Doc? Also, have I risked my health by having this 'open marriage' stuff for the past 10 years?

A: Open marriages used to be common in certain countries - notably the United States in the later part of the 20th century. But when AIDS came along, most married couples had the sense to see that this kind of behaviour was very dangerous. Apparently, your husband did not learn that lesson.

Now, I certainly do not believe that you have 'broken a contract'. That sort of talk just strikes me as foolish. In fact, I think that health-wise it is a very good thing that you decided to bring this crazy 'arrangement' to an end.

Though you may not have noticed any symptoms of a venereal disease, it is quite possible that one of those men whom you slept with might have given you a 'silent' infection such as chlamydia. And, obviously, it is possible that your husband brought home some 'bug' and gave it to you.

So, I really feel that you should have a medical check-up, including a chlamydia test. There is no need to tell the doctor why you want the check-up. In other words, she does not need to know about all these affairs.

As it relates to your marriage? To be frank, I can't see much future for it. Your spouse is not behaving as a caring husband should. Maybe you should consider parting from this man who treats you with so little respect.

Where Do Sperms Go After A Vasectomy?
Q: My wife and I are going on a trip to England soon and we are thinking that I might have a vasectomy while there.

But one thing puzzles us, Doc. We have read that after taking the operation, the man still ejaculates but it has no sperms in it.

Here's the problem: in that case, where would the sperms go when I orgasm?

A: Yes, a good question, and one that puzzles quite a few men! Vasectomy involves blocking (or cutting) the two tubes which carry sperms up from the testicles.

So, after it has been done, the little sperms cannot get beyond that blockage. However, it is fortunate that the body simply absorbs them.

As you rightly say, seminal fluid ('man-juice') will still emerge when you orgasm. But it is just made up of liquid from the prostate and other glands and it contains no sperms.

Stomach Pains During Sex
Q: I am divorced and, until recently, had been 'celibate' for 10 years. Now, at the age of 35, I have a new lover. He is great!

The only problem is, whenever I orgasm, I get a pain in my stomach.

Fortunately, it goes away after an hour or so.

What is happening? Will this ruin my sex life?

A: Quite a few women in their 30s develop pain when they orgasm ('dysorgasmia'). Happily, this is not usually a sign of anything serious. It often seems to be the result of a minor change in hormone levels.

I feel you should see a doctor for a check-up. However, the odds are that she will find nothing physically wrong with you. She might want to do a blood hormone test.

Since this symptom often goes away after a few months, the doctor may feel that there is no point in giving you any treatment. However, some doctors have found that prescribing a short course of female hormones is helpful. Others have claimed successful results with an antidepressant drug called amitriptyline.

I am sure that everything will turn out ok with your new partner.

Am I Abnormally Small?
Q: I have always been concerned about the length of my penis. A friend told me that you had written something about 'new statistics', Doc.

So, please tell me. Am I abnormally small? I measure just six inches.

A: The new statistics indicate that the average length of the male organ is quite a bit less than was previously thought. Researchers have found that the average length of the male organ during erection is around 5.2 inches.

So, in fact, you are way above average, so you can stop worrying.

What Is Thrombosis?
Q: I am on the Pill and people keep warning me that occasionally it causes thrombosis.

But, Doc, what are the symptoms of 'thrombosis'? What do I have to look out for?

A: Every woman who is on the Pill should know about the symptoms of thrombosis - which is clotting in the veins.

The most common symptom is pain in the calf of the leg, often accompanied by swelling. This is caused by what they call 'deep vein thrombosis' or 'DVT.'

So any woman who uses the Pill and gets a pain in the lower part of her leg should see a doctor fast.
Posted: Monday, June 8, 2015 9:44:47 PM

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Doctor's Advice: He Slept With His Secretary

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Published:Sunday | June 7, 2015

Q: Doctor, my husband has confessed that he slept with his secretary. I am very distraught about this. We have loved each other for 15 years and I cannot understand why he has done such a shocking thing.

I can see that his secretary is very elegant and beautiful, but I am quite good-looking as well!

I never thought he would be unfaithful, until he came home last month and confessed. He was in tears and begged me to forgive him. He said that he loves only me and that she meant nothing to him.

What happened was that he took her with him to a big convention. They were away for two nights, and on the second night, the conference dinner for all the delegates was cancelled. They ended up having dinner in a very intimate restaurant and both had a little too much wine - or so he says - and he ended up in her bed.

He said as soon as it was over, he realised what he had done and deeply regrets it.

Apparently, he went back to his room where he had a shower in order to try to prevent infection, he says.

As soon as they got back home, the secretary resigned, and he has not seen her again and he doesn't wish to contact her.

What am I to do, Doc? He has been begging me to give him another chance. I am not sure that I should.

I have not allowed him to have sex with me since his confession, because I fear that he might give me an infection. What do you think, Doc? Is there a real risk that he might give me some sexual bug?

A: This is a very sad story, but it is quite a common one. Regrettably, many businessmen all over the world tend to think that, if they go away to a conference or a convention, it is okay to cheat on their wives. Some (but not all) do believe that if they are a thousand miles from home, the normal rules of matrimonial fidelity do not apply.

But what I have noticed from your letter is that you and your husband appear to really love each other. Also, he told you of his own free will about his infidelity - presumably because he felt so guilty. I hope that he is genuinely repentant.

Now, I am here to give medical advice - not moral advice. But from past experience with these situations, I can tell you that it is quite common for a husband to stray from the path of virtue just once - and then to be completely faithful from then on. So I feel that you should definitely consider forgiving him, provided you are sure that he really is contrite.

However, from my medical point of view, what really concerns me is the point you raise about sexual infection. Even the most 'elegant' of secretaries could be carrying the germ chlamydia - or something worse, perhaps.

Furthermore, although your husband's intimate contact with this woman was brief, it was certainly long enough for germs to pass from her to him. Having a shower afterwards would not help!

So I guess you are quite right to have refused to have sex with him after his fling. I feel you should now insist that he goes to a doctor to have a check-up for STIs, particularly chlamydia. (He should take a specimen of urine with him.)

Only when you are sure that his tests are negative should you consider resuming sexual relations with him.

The next few months are not going to be easy, as you try to come to terms with this new situation. If in doubt, seek the advice of a minister of religion or a good marriage therapist, who can guide both of you through what is a pretty difficult situation.

Where Is My Semen Going?
Q: Doc, I am a 40-year-old man, but something really strange is happening to my sex life. For the last three months, when I climax, I have been unable to produce any semen.

But shortly after I have intercourse with my wife, I find that my urine has turned fairly white - or at least creamy! This is frightening, Doc. So what is going on?

A:You have a condition called retrograde ejaculation. What this means is that the seminal fluid has lost its way inside you. Instead of coming out of the penis, it is going backwards into the bladder.

So, when you go to the bathroom, it is coming out in your urine, thus giving it a cloudy or rather creamy colour.

Now, why do you have retrograde ejaculation? There are several possible causes:

• Previous prostate surgery,

• Nerve damage in the bladder area,

• A side effect of medication.

My advice? Go and see a urologist and let him sort it out. Good luck.

Pill Puzzle
Q: I am 29 and having fantastic sex with a new man. I want to go on the Pill for the first time in my life, but Doc, my menses are irregular and I do not know when to start taking it.

A: You should just start taking it on the first day of your next period. If you do that, you will be protected immediately.

She Bit Me!
Q: Doc, last week I was given oral sex by a girl who was mad with me because I would not marry her.

I am very embarrassed to tell you this, but she bit me very hard. I screamed in pain and she ran off leaving me bleeding and in agony on the floor!

Doctor, what must I do? I have stopped bleeding, but my penis is very sore.

A: I'm sure it is. Bites to the penis are very dangerous, especially if they get infected. They can even lead to loss of the organ.

So you need treatment - fast. See a doctor or go to the hospital. If there is going to be any delay in getting there, you should bathe your penis with some mild skin antiseptic such as Dettol Antiseptic Liquid. I wish you well.

Do I Have The Clap?
Q: I am a wife, who, unfortunately, just had an affair. What are the symptoms of gonorrhoea, Doctor?

A: Unfortunately, gonorrhoea ('the clap') often produces no symptoms at all in women. However, some patients do get a vaginal discharge, or pain when they urinate.

Because the infection so frequently causes no symptoms in women, the best rule is this: If you have taken a chance, always get a check-up from a doctor. This must include swabs for gonorrhoea, which should be sent to the lab for examination.

When Is It Okay?
Q: I have to take a circumcision operation. How soon afterwards would I be able to have sex, Doc?

A: No intercourse for about six weeks. And when you restart, use some lubricant because you may still be a little sore
Posted: Monday, July 13, 2015 5:04:20 PM

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Oral Sex Made Him Sick

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Published:Sunday | July 5, 2015

Q Doctor, I'm in need of your help badly. I am a 30-year-old female, and I recently met a guy, and we hit it off right away. We had oral sex on two occasions.

The first time, it was OK. But after the second time, he sent me a text to say 'I had made him sick.' He said he had caught a bacterium, and now was vomiting. He also mentioned that he doesn't want to see me any more.

Is there something wrong with me that made this man sick, doctor? I am also wondering if this is just a way for him to end the 'relationship.' What do you think?

A Well, it is certainly possible to pass on bacteria (including those of certain STIs) though oral sex.

But I cannot think of any female medical infection which could make a guy throw up! So I am inclined to agree with your suspicion. That text may just have been his not-very-caring way of dumping you.

However, in the unpublished part of your email, you noted some symptoms that would indicate that you should go to a doctor, in order to have an internal examination, and maybe some tests.

Please avoid sex until you have seen the doctor. Good luck.

Did The Chik-V Cause Miscarriage?
Q I caught the chikungunya virus some time ago. Then I found out I was pregnant, but I miscarried.

Could it be the chik-V that caused the miscarriage?

A: Any feverish illness can cause a miscarriage. But what many people do not realise is that an astonishing one-in-five pregnancies ends in miscarriages. So there is no reason to suppose that the virus caused this sad event.

Is The Pill Safe For A 40-Year-Old?
Q I am a 40-year-old (female) cop and sexually active. I have resumed taking the Pill after a 10-year break, during which I relied on condoms.

But is the Pill safe for me? I am pretty healthy, I have no hypertension, and no diabetes. And I have no obvious 'negative reaction' to the Pill. Your advice, please.

A Some doctors are content to prescribe the Pill for sexually-active women aged 40-plus. But others (including myself) are not too happy about prescribing the 'combined oral contraceptive' to women in this age group.

Why? Because Pill-induced thrombosis (clotting) can strike out of the blue. It is rare, but occasionally, I have seen women in your age group collapse with a stroke or a heart attack, caused from a clot.

It is good that you do not have hypertension or diabetes, since these are recognised as 'risk factors' for clotting.

But do you have any other risk factors? For instance:

• Do you smoke?

• Are you overweight?

• Do you have a family history of clotting?

I think you should now go to your doctor and have a full discussion about possible risk factors. Make sure that he/she is prescribing a brand of Pill which has the lowest possible danger of causing a thrombosis.

If you were my patient, I would urge you to switch to the mini-Pill, which carries a far smaller risk of clotting.

Admittedly, because the mini-Pill is so 'mild,' it carries a slightly higher chance of pregnancy than the ordinary Pill does. But because fertility rates are lower in women over 35, the chances that you might get pregnant while taking the mini-Pill are slim. In fact, I do not think that I have ever seen a woman over 35 become pregnant while on the mini-Pill.

However, if you accept my advice and switch to the mini-Pill, you would have to remember to take it each day, at about the same time - and without fail.

Worried About Wife's New 'Skills'
Q My wife has suddenly started having multiple orgasms. Is this a sign that she is cheating on me?

A No, this is a crazy idea. Women often tend to acquire the ability to have multiple orgasms as the years go by simply because they have become used to enjoying sex with their husbands. So stop worrying.

No Idea Who My Child's Father Is
Q I Am A 24-Year-Old Female Teacher, And My Problem Is That I Am Uncertain Who The Father Of My Unborn Child Is.
You see, doctor, I went home to the country for a short break. I was on the last day of my menses when I had sex with one of boyfriends that day and for the next two weeks.

I then returned to Kingston, and had sex with my other boyfriend. Soon after that, I missed my period. And then discovered that I was pregnant.

So I'm uncertain as to who the father of my baby might be. I need your help.

A Sorry to hear about this. Much depends on whether either of these two men used any contraception (like condoms) when they had sex with you. If they didn't, then all we can do is look at the dates of intercourse, and assess the probabilities.

Seems like you had sex with your boyfriend in the 'country' on the last day of your menses, and for two weeks thereafter. That would take you far into your 'fertile time'.

In contrast, it sounds like you didn't have sex with your other boyfriend until at least 19 days into your cycle. While that does not rule him out as the father, he does seem to be the less-likely candidate.

So the odds are that your boyfriend in the country is the father, though this is by no means certain! Unfortunately, during pregnancy there is no safe way of doing any testing on the unborn child.

It is certainly possible to test the baby's DNA using a special technique called chorionic villus sampling (CVS). But this involves putting a long needle into the womb. The needle can be inserted through the skin of the belly, or through the vagina.

Alternatively, a sample of amniotic fluid can be withdrawn from the 'sac' surrounding the foetus. Either way, there is a risk to the child.

So in most cases, all the mother can do is wait until after the baby is born and do a DNA test.

You too would have to have a DNA test so would the two potential fathers, if they agree.

The test can be done on blood, or on some cells scraped from the inside of the cheek. And it is quite expensive.

My best suggestion is that you try and get the two men to do a test now. The results can then be stored until after the baby is born.

Can A Drop Of Semen Cause Pregnancy?
Q Is a drop of semen enough to cause pregnancy?

A Yes, it is. There are thousands upon thousands of tiny sperms in a single drop.
Posted: Tuesday, November 17, 2015 2:56:45 PM

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Doctor's Advice: Am I A Lesbian?

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Published:Sunday | November 8, 2015

Q. Good day, doctor. I am a bewildered woman, and I would like your advice about my sex life.

I am 30 years old and I have a very good job, a loving husband and two wonderful children. Life has treated me well. My husband and I usually have sex two to three times for the week, and it is very satisfying. I always orgasm, without difficulty.

But recently, things began to go a little awry when my work brought me in contact with an elegant and beautiful Canadian woman. She is just a little older than me, very sophisticated and experienced in the ways of the world.

Two months ago, I had to go to her place, to discuss a business matter. When we were done, she poured us both a drink. Doctor, we were standing very close and talking when suddenly I found us kissing.

I just don't know how this happened, but she put her arms round me and we stood there, kissing passionately, for at least five minutes. Finally, I pulled away. My heart was pounding and she laughed charmingly, and said: "We must do this more often! Can you come back for another meeting on Tuesday?'

Well, I agreed. And the Tuesday meeting turned out to be even more passionate. I am afraid to say that we took off our clothes and got into bed together. I did not really know what to do, but she was obviously very experienced in these matters. To be honest, she had no difficulty making me orgasm - twice.

The reason I am writing to you is that I feel very 'muddled' by all this. I love my husband. And throughout the last few weeks, my sexual relationship with him has continued as normal. I still find him very exciting, and he has remarked that I am 'even more orgasmic' than I used to be.

Meantime, I have continued to see the Canadian woman around once a week, and each time we have a few hours of wild passion.

Doctor, can you help me straighten my head out? What am I? I do not think I am a lesbian, because I like and desire my husband so much. But I feel that I cannot be entirely 'straight' either, in view of what has happened.

A. Thank you for being so frank. A lot of people, including men and women, are sometimes a little confused about their sexuality.

A lot of psychologists explain it this way: Human sexuality is like a horizontal line across a page. Most of us are near one end - which is the heterosexual or 'straight' end. But a large minority is at the other end - which is the homosexual or 'gay' one.

However, quite a few are scattered somewhere along the line, so that they are located between 'exclusively straight' and 'exclusively gay.' Interestingly, they sometimes move along that line during the course of their lives, so that they somehow become 'less straight' or 'less gay.' Often, their movement along the line is affected by meeting some very attractive or charismatic individual.

And that is what has happened to you. You obviously started out somewhere near the 'straight' end of the spectrum. But you have been kind of 'pulled' along it a bit because of meeting (and having sex with) this very attractive woman.

A lot of persons would describe you as 'bisexual'. But I am not sure that term is helpful. You see, in another few years, depending on how things go, you could be exclusively a lesbian, or exclusively heterosexual.

The main subject that concerns me is your family. You have two beautiful children, and a husband whom you say that you love. It would be crazy to let these three happy relationships be ruined because of your affair with this woman.

I must warn you that if you continue your physical relationship with her, you may fall in love, and that would make your situation even more complex and difficult to deal with.

Now I mean no disrespect to the other woman, but I do think that for the sake of your family, you should break off the relationship right away. I suggest you do not go to her house anymore. In fact, it would be advisable to avoid meeting her at all.

That may seem harsh. But my experience has been that it is nearly impossible for a wife to maintain a happy sexual relationship with her husband and another person - whether the 'other person' is male or female.

Prolonging The Viagra Effect
Q. My doctor prescribed Viagra for me. It works OK, but its effect does not last long enough - particularly on evenings when my wife has been badly delayed at work.

Any suggestions?

A. Yes. Ask your own doctor if he will switch you to a next tablet called 'Cialis' (also known as 'tadalafil').

This works in much the same way as Viagra, but its effects last much longer than Viagra.

What Happens If 'The Ring' Comes Out?
Q. I am a married woman, and for several weeks now, I having been using something called a 'vaginal ring' contraceptive.

But my husband is a large guy, and on several occasions, his organ has somehow pulled out the ring, so that it emerges round the base of his penis.

What can I do, Doc? When this happens, am I at risk of pregnancy?

A. The hormone which is contained in the vaginal ring is a good form of contraceptive, though it has much the same possible side-effects as the Pill.

But it can be displaced, particularly by a partner's fingers. This is not a disaster! If it happens, you should proceed as follows:

• If the ring is outside the vagina for less than three hours, no harm. All you should do is to wash it in cool water and then replace it.

• If for some reason it is outside the vagina for more than three hours, then you may be at risk of pregnancy. Once again, you should wash it and then replace it. But you should take your own doctor's advice as to what further precautions are necessary during the rest of your cycle.

Is This An STI?
Q. My wife has been away with relatives for a few days, so, I went with a woman who lives in a nearby town, and who is a sort of 'part-time professional.'

Now I feel pain when I urinate, and a watery discharge on the inside of my pants. Do you think I have an infection?

A. Yes. You probably have either gonorrhoea ('the clap') or chlamydia. You must go and see a doctor for some tests. Take a fresh specimen of urine with you, in a very clean container.

Until you have been successfully treated, please do not have sex with your wife. It is important to avoid giving the infection to her.
Posted: Monday, March 21, 2016 11:06:43 AM

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Dear Doc: Should I Get My Clitoris Pierced?

| March 20, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Ron Chapple Stock
Q: I am a 32-year-old divorcee, and I'm about to go and stay with my sister in New York.

She has told me in confidence that in Brooklyn there is a little tattoo shop where the operator is willing to put a silver ring through your clitoris - she has one herself.

So do you think I should go ahead and get one?

A: In one word - NO! Quite a lot of women in America and England have had this little operation done. Presumably, they just liked the idea of having a piece of jewellery in their clitoris. Some thought it would help their sex lives, but in fact, the ring does not do that.

From a medical point of view, I have the following concerns about the idea of someone making a hole in the clitoris and sticking a ring through it:

• You might bleed a lot;

• You might catch an infection;

• You might be allergic to the metal;

• Because the clitoris is a very delicate structure, the operation might interfere with its sensitivity.

So whatever your sister thinks, I don't feel that you should go ahead with this.

No Sex Before Marriage Has Me Concerned
Q: Doc, I am an older man who has fallen deeply in love with a younger woman.

She says that she loves me too, but I would like to know if sexually, things will be OK between us. You see, although we have kissed and cuddled a lot, we have not yet had sex. She does not want to have intercourse until we are married.

I am a widower as my wife passed away almost 10 years ago, and since then, I have had very little sex, except with 'professional' women when I am away on business.

So I am rather worried about whether I can satisfy a young woman who is half my age, and make her happy. Could I 'do it' frequently enough for her needs?

I have heard that if an older man has sex with an exciting young woman, there is a risk that he could have a heart attack. Is that true?

A: Well, I don't know exactly how old either of you are. But these days, there are certainly many happy and successful marriages where the man is 20 or 30 years older than the woman. Interestingly, there are also some good marriages in which the woman is much older than the man.

So, let me try and deal with some of your sexual concerns:

• An older man will not be able to have sex as often as a younger man could.

• Nevertheless, many men who are middle-age or even elderly, can manage to have intercourse two or even three times for the week.

• If necessary, an older man can be helped by Viagra (or similar medications) to get an erection.

• One advantage which an older man has, is that he is often able to last a lot longer than a younger one - because he has better 'control' and, therefore, doesn't orgasm too soon! For that reason, some women actually prefer more mature lovers.

Now you ask me about the risk of having a heart attack while enjoying sex with your young woman, and fortunately for you, this is incredibly rare - so rare that I have never seen such a case. Nevertheless, if you are worried about the effects of sex on your heart, I recommend that you have a good check-up by a doctor - to make sure that you are in reasonable physical shape.

Finally, I am slightly concerned about the fact that in recent years, you have been with women of the night while on business trips abroad. I expect you are aware that these 'professionals' have a higher-than-average rate of sexually-transmitted infections. Therefore, I feel that you should get yourself tested for STIs before you commit to matrimony. I wish you well.

Frequent Urination A Problem
Q: Doc, I am getting up four-five times for the night to urinate. Do you think this could be a problem with my prostate? And is it cancer?

A: You almost certainly do have a problem with an enlarged prostate. But most prostate problems are benign - that is, non-cancerous.

However, you should see a doctor this week. You must have a rectal examination, and also a blood test. Don't delay.

Sexual Problems Affecting Marriage
Q: My husband of seven years and I are now having a serious sexual problem, and it doesn't look as if it will go away. He does not seem to believe that I am satisfied with him making love to me - and that I do not need another man.

He has committed adultery himself. I love him, but he is a snake and I will never be able to trust him, as I feel he is still having affairs. One of his girlfriends has recently had a child for him, but he claims that it was just supposed to be a fling - nothing serious.

I am also afraid of the fact that, with me, he takes off the condom in the middle of the 'action,' saying that he 'isn't feeling what he wants'. I bet he does this with the other women too.

A: I suspect he does. He just wants to go on having sex wherever he can. Sounds like he may have been suggesting that you should have affairs too.

This doesn't really strike me as a marriage in the normal sense. I think you should get some marital counselling, or have a talk with a pastor. But I am afraid that this is all heading towards 'Divorceville'.

Also, his conduct may well have exposed you to STIs. Please get a medical check-up - including vaginal swabs for the lab to test. I wish you well in an unhappy situation.

How Do I Get Rid Of My Penis Tatoo?
Q: Years ago in Panama, when I was working as a sailor, I had a tattoo done on my penis. It included a girl's name.

I am no longer with that particular girl, but I have met a wonderful woman in Kingston, and would like to marry her. She has not seen the tattoo, because I try to keep the bedroom light turned down.

My problem is that I would like that unfortunate tattoo removed now. Could an ordinary doctor cut it out for me?

A: I am afraid not. And if anything went wrong, you could lose your penis!

Really, you need to consult a plastic surgeon who can advise you whether it is possible to remove the tattoo. That would probably involve taking a skin graft from some other part of your body.

It does occur to me that maybe the surgeon could just alter the tattoo, so as to change the name of your former girlfriend to that of your new partner. But if you took this course, you had better be sure that you are going to stay with her for life!

One final point: putting a skin graft into your penis might possibly alter the organ's sensitivity - and therefore your sexual response. Talk this over with the surgeon/specialist before you decide on the operation.

Posted: Friday, April 22, 2016 11:15:32 AM

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Dear Doc: Can't Make My Wife Orgasm

Published:Sunday | April 3, 2016 | 12:00 AM


Can't make my wife orgasm

Q Doc, I am having quite a lot of trouble in bed with my new wife. She is a beautiful and passionate woman, but, somehow, I find it very difficult to make her orgasm.

What usually happens is that it all starts out very well, and while we are having sex, she seems to enjoy it. I orgasm, but, almost always, Doc, I then find that she has not climaxed, and she is resentful about this.

However, I know that once I have orgasmed, I cannot continue. So what can be done? Your medical advice would be appreciated.

A Well, a lot of couples have this difficulty, particularly in the early years of their marriage. It has two main causes:

1. Women usually take longer to orgasm than men.

2. When men orgasm, most of them cannot continue because they generally lose their erection; some of them even feel too tender to keep going.

Fortunately, there is a remedy to this problem. I have seen it work with quite a lot of couples. Try these:

• Whenever you and your wife are going to have sex, be as romantic and loving as possible;

• Don't be in a hurry;

• Start with gentle 'love play' techniques around the clitoris;

• Do whichever finger or mouth technique she likes most;

• Keep doing it until she orgasms - even if this takes half an hour or more!

• Do not attempt to go further until you are sure she has climaxed;

• Once she has reached an orgasm, you may start intercourse with her.

• Even then, do not be in a rush! She may wish to have further orgasms.

I am not saying you have to keep doing things this way for the rest of your lives. The above plan will get you out of your present difficulties and, hopefully, make things a lot better in your marriage.

So, remember, for the moment, just ensure your wife always orgasms first.

French Connection
Q I divorced some years ago and have not had sex since. I have met a nice, young Frenchman, who is charming, nice and a little shy. So far, he has not tried to get me into bed, but yesterday he sent me a note which read:

'Je veux voir ta pilosity pubienne, cherie.'

Doc, I did not want to reveal my ignorance by asking him, but what is he talking about?

A Well, I don't think you are at all ignorant!

This note is presumably his way of overcoming his shyness. What it means is: 'I want to see your pubic hair, darling.'

So clearly, he is propositioning you. Whether you accept is up to you. If you do, please practise safe sex!

What Is The Mini-Pill?
Q I am 36 years old, Doc. I want to stop taking the Pill. I hear there is something called the 'the Mini-Pill', which could be just as good for me.

Is this true?

A Yes, it is. The Mini-Pill is only slightly less effective than the Pill. When a woman is in her late 30s, her fertility begins to decrease. As a result, pregnancies among women who are 36, who take the Mini-Pill, are pretty rare.

The point to grasp is that the Mini-Pill is far less likely to cause clots than the 'real' Pill is. So, for a woman who is in her 30s, the danger from taking it is much less.

Should I Shave My Pubic Hair?
QI must confess I am a man who 'sleeps around' a little. I would not like to get any sexually transmitted infections, Doc.

So, would it would be a good idea to shave off all my pubic hair? I have heard this is more hygienic.

A Quite a lot of people have this idea that shaving off the pubic hair is somehow 'cleaner', but there is no real evidence of this.

I would say 'going bare' might make you slightly less likely to get fungus infections of the skin, but it certainly wouldn't prevent you from catching a VD.

Are you sure you are doing a wise thing in 'sleeping around?' There is a lot to be said for having just one sex partner, and remaining faithful to her.

Check Your Breast!
Q I think I may have a small lump in the breast, but it doesn't hurt.

So can I just ignore it, Doc?

A No! Any lump in the breast must be regarded as potentially serious, especially for anyone over the age of 25.

Please go and see a doc tomorrow. You must not delay.

Is My Wife Really A Virgin?
Q Doctor, I am about to get married in a few months, and my bride-to-be said she is a virgin.

But when we are naked together, I can see lines, like 'furrows', which runs across the lower part of her belly - they are on both sides of the belly button.

So, is she fooling me? Do you think she has had a child in the past?

A Possibly. But 'belly lines' like this can be caused from other things - like losing a lot of weight.

You cannot take these lines as proof that she is not a virgin. I suppose you had better ask her to be frank with you.

But does it really matter whether she is a virgin or has had children? Surely, the important thing is whether you love each other.

Am I Pregnant?
Q After many years without sex, three weeks ago, I met a handsome man, who kind of swept me off my feet. We spent all night making love.

Now my cycle is overdue. Doc, do you think I could be pregnant? I am 46.

A Well, there are many possible reasons for a monthly cycle to be late. Have you considered that this might be menopause?

However, the fact that that was three weeks ago, and it was a virile young man, it does suggest that pregnancy is a distinct possibility. Please do a test right away.

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